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27 June 2006 at 14:41

we oz robbed!

Australia exited very unfairly, to a penalty in the last seconds of injury time.

If you study the video (as Australian TV has been doing ad nauseam), you see that Lucas Neil, the alleged fouler, was motionless on the ground at the time, and the Italian guy went out of his way to hook his toe around Neil's body and simulate a foul. It's a trick I often used when I was looking after kids, I would pretend to trip over things and fall down. Kids love it, but the Aussie community here on the island are not amused, and I feel for them. As a gesture, I've thrown open the doors of the brewery and offered every Australian resident as much beer substitute as they can drink. No takers yet.

The josephine who lives here has gone to a health retreat for a few days, to be pampered and maybe lose a couple of pounds. Meanwhile, I'll be using the beer and popcorn diet to hopefully gain a few pounds. Everything balances up.

Being on my own for few days, I'll be free to clear the decks in the kitchen so I'll have some space to work in. The other joes who normally live here use the communal student flat method of kitchen etiquette. For days they keep adding dirty dishes to the pile in the sink and on the surfaces, until there are no clean dishes left anywhere and no space left for food preparation, and the cockroaches dine well on the leftovers. Then some sucker has to do the washing up, which takes infinitely longer because everything is encrusted with dry food and grease.

But I use the monastic kitchen system. I have one plate, one knife, one fork, one cup, etc., and I keep them clean by washing them after use (if the kitchen sink is blocked by a greasy pile, I use the basin in the laundry).

This system suits everyone in the house - they can live in the squalor they like, and I don't need to. Everything balances up.

With live action TV from Wimbledon and the World Cup both continuing throughout the night here, I could become nocturnal. Tonight it's Brazil v Ghana. Should be a formality.

Money-saving hint number 17 - genital fashion on the cheap: I've never had a Brazilian, but I once had a Mexican. That's where you cut your pubes as short as possible with a pair of scissors, then you set fire to the stubble. It's perfectly safe if you keep the flame moving. Compared with a Brazilian, it's much kinder to the skin. Or do I mean cinder?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Obviously, the ref was paid! We've all seen the Godfather so we know what it's like. Even a joe with a white stick could see that it wasn't a penalty!
I've never heard of a Brazilian or a Mexican, in this context, but I've led a quiet life. So you castrate yourself without anaesthetic and then set your pubic hair on fire. You might recommended this to Lee Ann if the partnership problems are hers and not those of a friend!
I'd live by never washing the dishes if I could. You should take it on yourself to wash all the dishes yourself as an offering whilst saying the mantra: You rotten, dirty basturns. You rotten dirty basturns. This would definitely help. Hotboy  


Blogger alastair said...

The pretty well permanent state of 98% of football fans is anger, frustration and disappointment. You may have noticed that it is a universal law of physics that the 'underdog' team never gets a dodgy penalty in the last minute.
Of course it wasn't a penalty - that's not the point - the point is that it's nature's law for Italy to beat Australia at football. The penalty was simply the Universe asserting itself. Don't mess with forces beyond your ken.  


Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! What did you do with your tackle once you'd snipped it off? I hope you haven't put it in the beer barrel... anyway, all men are pigs as LA probably realises now. You could offer to levitate over to the states and demonstrate the method on her erstwhile partner. (I do hope that post was a hypothetical thingy!) Yes! You could re-enact the whole thing for a video and help everyone be sick as a parrot, like the Oz supporters must have been last night! Hotboy  


Blogger extra*time said...

i think the ghanians will give brazil a run for their money for about 60 minutes, but class will out in the end... and it'll end up 2-0 to brazil - that's my prediction.
poor aussies - a cruel way to be dispatched. if Harry Kewell had laid off the sardines and avoided the gout he'd probably have scored for you (but i am biased as a LFC supporter).


Blogger J said...

Italians didn't need the charity, yet, the must have paid off the ref becuase he was clearly bogus.  


Blogger keda said...

yes. quite. outrageous.


Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

I hope your genitals have recovered from as shown in the previous post. Nasty business, that. Reminds me of some tropical diseases, for which the remedy is usually abstention.



Blogger robmcj said...

alastair - yes, I had forgotten about the universal law. Even the FIFA guy now arguing that the prone Aussie used his shoulder to obstruct, could be an expression of the universal law. Everything balances out.

HB - Mediaeval brewers used to throw in pig's heads, and you're complaining about a bit of stubble on the top of your Guinness! I haven't actually experienced the Mexican technique yet, though if I can't come up with a disgusting enough HNT theme for this week, I may yet have to try it out on video. Don't worry, any exposure is good exposure.

ET - thanks for that, I didn't know about the Kewell-sardine thing. I googled LTC and came up with Lawn Tennis Club and Lehighton Touchdown Club. Which one is it? Oops, forgive the colonial dyslexia. LFC. Of course. Even here we know what that means.

J - thanks for that. To be fair to the ref, I thought he was spot-on the rest of the time. We can all make mistakes, but what a time he picked for his!

keda - thanks for the empathy. Could you teach hotboy?

MM III - how long should I abstain? It's been months already, shouldn't there be some improvement yet? Or do you mean abstaining from books that hotboy sends out?  


Blogger Lee Ann said...

If I lived close by I would have you to dinner or bring you a few casseroles.
Sounds like your system will work as far as the dishes.
As Hotboy suggested....You could offer to levitate over to the states and demonstrate the method on her erstwhile partner... that might be a good idea right now. I need something to cheer me up.
I hope you are not too lonely and that you eat well while your partner is gone.  


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