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06 June 2005 at 09:00

guru to visit these islands!

Who says the UnHeard of Islands don't have world-class facilities? Only last month, construction began on the Club 18-30 at the end of the bay.

And now my dear old friend and would-be spiritual adviser for 30 years, hotboy, is planning a visit to the islands to scout for a location for his new ashram. After 20 years of ascetic practice, a recent chance encounter with 6 pints of BlissPiss led him to this spur-of-the-moment decision.

My Dear Hotboy. What great news! I will of course greet you at the jetty with a magnum of Pelican's Peculiar, but I would urge you to meditate on the wisdom of your intended visit, bearing in mind the fate that befell the last acolyte you sent to these shores. Either it was the yellow-and-whites, or the ancient indigenous UnHeardian curse.

Festina lente, robmcj.

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