Some of the things I have learnt over the years from
Hotboy
- 1 - The value of ear protectors
- One of the best purchases I ever made was a pair of industrial earmuffs, rated at 35dB. Hotboy uses them while he's writing his books, but they're useful in all kinds of situations.
At work, when the person who shares my office phones her family for a screaming argument, I put on the earmuffs and carry on working.
At home I keep a pair of ear protectors in the kitchen. That way, when the people I live with choose to operate the blender or practice their Greek plate-smashing dance precisely when I'm cooking, I pop them over my ears and carry on without tinnitus.
I reckon the whole world would get along perfectly if everyone had a pair. The only thing better than that would be if I was licenced to kill noisy people.
- 2 - The value of diarrhoea
- I was working in a dead-end job for Edinburgh Council, where the only thing that kept me sane was taking sick days as often as possible. The problem was, I had run out of medical excuses, after already using sore stomach, sore back, flu, etc., and the management was starting to query my sick days.
Hotboy suggested I forget about thinking up new illnesses, and always just give them the same excuse - diarrhoea. Because let's face it, bosses are too embarrassed to question you about it. This advice has served me well over the years.
- 3 - The value of Led Zeppelin
- Because there are times when nothing but Led Zep will do. Listen up kids, don't do drugs. But if you do, remember to use Led Zep at the same time. If Led Zep doesn't sound fantastic, you've been sold dud drugs. Try and get your money back
