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28 September 2006 at 11:56

das HNT family fortune

There's no room to explain right now, but my family is surely the most dysfunctional on the planet.

There was a family meeting yesterday, where my aunt read her will and some people (not me) cried, and I tried to stay awake. She's as healthy as a horse, but basically the deal is that my brother and I will inherit a few tuppeny houses with sitting tenants, which nobody wants to buy. My luggage is 15 kilograms underweight, so I'm going to try and smuggle out some of the silver and crystal in my suitcase next week.

But I'm going to be rich anyway. You see, there's an old family secret, handed down through generations of gardeners, for a plant food formula that will double the size of your houseplants, almost overnight.

I've got some investors interested, so just as soon as I fix the bugs in this blog template (especial apologies to Firefox users), we can start production. I'm thinking of using the brand name "Beanstalk Gold".

And because the raw materials for the product cost absolutely nothing, all the money is profit. As long as I can flood the market before the conglomerates like Monsanto get wind of it, I'll be rolling in it.

In the photo, the black line shows you the difference between the normal size of the plant before treatment, and all the vibrant new foliage that appeared after one week's treatment with Beanstalk Gold™.

I'll share the secret formula with you, if you promise not to pass it on. Just click the image.

The formula has been tested outdoors too, and the people who live here have been enjoying the results from our vegetable garden.

I'd like to acknowledge my late uncle, who passed on the formula to me before he passed on himself.

PS - I'm not serious about going into business, but everything else is true. This is a freelance Taoist blog. So I try to make sure that every true story contains a wee lie. And every lie contains a grain of truth.

PPS - sorry won't be able to get to a PC on Thursday, so I'll need to catch up on my blogchums a few days later.


If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger LEE ANN said...

Oooohhh bring me back a silver or crystal something! It will go perfect in my castle! :)

Looks like you have the secret all right!
Amazing fertilizer!

Happy HNT!


Blogger Suze said...

LMAO. I would love to go in to business with you but it's more difficult for girlies.

Happy HNT Sweetie ;)  


Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Aren't you supposed to wait till the woman is dead before the will is read out? And she read it out? And she got you back to the Fatherland for this? I look more German than you do. Can I play you in the movie? It's two castles, isn't it? Big fung castles paid out of the nazi gold! I'll bump off your brother and you can hand the deeds over to me. The eye of a needle and all that. Being loaded won't help you at all! Hotboy  


Blogger lily said...

I have a few spare dollars I culd invest. But don't let me anywhere near the palnt, I have a brown thumb...



Blogger Crashtest Comic said...

I have a family secret too--
my father isn't circumscised.  


Blogger Lelly said...

Bah! You've used this one before!!  


Blogger Thruster MacReady said...

How much to rent your aunt's vacant house for my next movie "Thruster Comes Again"? We have a backer. We clean up afterwards. No debris, no stains, guaranteed.  


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