In the previous post, I feared that my house guest would do one or other of two annoying things. Well, as keda prophesied, it ended up being both annoying things at once. What are the odds against that happening? Probably about as likely as being in a plummeting plane, and having a heart attack on the way down.
But enough of my holiday plans, here's some trivia:
During a recent survey, women were asked - "What would you do if you woke up and had a penis?" Here are their actual responses...
"I would walk around and prod my husband all night long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there prodding him with it."
"I would write my name in the snow."
"I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say: 'Where is my raise?'"
"I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new."
"I would want a big one and show it off to everyone."
"I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed."
"I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing."
"I would measure it both ways."
"Pee off of a tall building."
"I would speed to the hospital and have it surgically removed."
"I would treat women better with it."
"I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day."
"Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything."
"Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it."
"I would play with it and then make him roll over into the wet spot."
"Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants to see what was the best."
"Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing all around."
"See how many donuts I could carry with it."
"Check out my boyfriend's gag reflexes!"
open text
08 September 2006 at 20:24
what would you do?
keda said...
heehee i love the last 2!!!
hahahaaaa
i actually had a fantastic dream when i was putting up my degree show my last year at art school.. where i woke up with a penis. at first i was completely horrified and wanted to do number 10.
but then i kinda got into it and had fun doing amost all the others.. except the last 2.
i'm going to will my psyche to redo the dream and try those next time. before i rush off and do number 10.
my favourite bit in my old dream was peeing all over the stack of thesies on my art history professors desk.
but i have to admit that having sort of experienced one for a day... those penis thingies are very hard to stop fiddling with. they are just so... out there :)
~
onan the bavarian said...
keda - you could offer the dream to hotboy as a plot for his next book.
~
212degreedesigns said...
yes yes yes...
but i'd have to get a bj,...
you know just to see what the big deal is...
lol
~
Cindy said...
I saw a short indie film about four lesbians who cast a spell and all wake up with penises for a day, and run around trying to screw girls. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was called, and googling "short film lesbian penis" just yields too many results to sift through.
~
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! I see the castration complex has turned into something a bit healthier. Reminds me of 1984 and the boy saying, Give it to Julia, or whatever. I fancy another one, growing out of my forehead this time. If you had one growing out of each armpit, you'd never leave home. Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
212desi - there's no big deal, it's overrated. I'm with the fundamentalists on this.
cinders - they don't make em like that any more.
HB - how would that work, one in each armpit? You couldn't play with yourself, for one thing.
~
onan the bavarian said...
keda - excuse me now, I need to rush off and do number 2. As one does.
~
ion said...
On the theme, may I recommend King Missile's 'Detachable Penis' for a listen.
http://hype.non-standard.net/search/detachable%20penis/1/
~
onan the bavarian said...
LA - that's eerie. My grandfather used to say exactly the same thing! And he was right.
ion - thanks for the tip
~
