open text

06 September 2006 at 08:55

please no thanks

There's a friend of a friend staying in my house this week. I could live with that, except that today she uttered the fateful words: "to thank you for having me, I'm going to cook you a special dinner tonight."

From experience, I know that can mean one of two things:

(1) They cake every kitchen surface and every dish and utensil with congealed fat and curry sauce, then leave the next day without cleaning up. Meanwhile, you're supposed to show gratitude.


(2) They spend the whole evening in the kitchen, but the cooking keeps getting interrupted by phoning their friends and family overseas, or telling you their life story while they get drunk on the wine they bought you. By 10 p.m. you're so hungry that your stomach starts digesting itself, but because they're apparently doing you a favour, you daren't be rude and rustle up something different for yourself to eat.

Which one will it be tonight? As you can see, I'm not good at being gracious.

But everything balances out. On the plus side, she is a hard core OCD case, so she has spent most of today on her knees in my bathroom, scrubbing away at 8 years' worth of scum, crud and hair.

(I found this picture at this HNT Taoist blog)

PS - the dentist has issued a reprieve for the tooth-pulling, and has given me antibiotics to take so I don't have to cancel my trip. Great news, though I was counting on him as my excuse for scrapping the visit to the Fatherland.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Well done in getting your guest to scub your toilet! Send her to this side of the island! Can she make soup without using bits of dead animals? If so, I'd like to propose marriage. It would help if she had a few bob. Hotboy p.s. I think the thought of the plummeting is ... well, it would get to me as well! Have you seen the start of the movie Alive? Brilliant! I've always stopped watching after that. Dead animals are bad enough!  


Blogger robmcj said...

She's looking for a man, and she owns a winery in NZ. That's no good to you is it? It would be the end of the meditations.

If there's time, I will of course go to see United 93 before I go.  


Blogger keda said...

i demand you edit your comment at mine! if you don't find some way of making that plummeting thing completely inoccuous (however the hell that's spelt!) i bloody will.

aaarrrgh. i hope she does both! just to get you back.
so there.  


Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

Doviko is fully employed right now, otherwise I would advise that you send for him. He never uses the phone (to my knowledge), cleans up after he's cooked, and is not allowed to drink whilst on duty.

He is also a dab hand at cleaning toilets, ironing, etc.



Blogger Heather said...

Mental Note: Restaurants trump home cooking.

Mental Note 2: Dental problems make robmcj a crusty old fart.




Blogger robmcj said...

Keda - Are you psychic? As it turned out, the OCD person actually did both the kitchen-messing and the starvation treatment.

I can't mess with history by editing the comment, but I see that your flight is much later than mine. Also, I'm returning on Friday 13th, so there's a good chance you'll end up missing all the excitement.

MM - hang onto Dovey.

Heather - dental or mental?  


Blogger LEE ANN said...

I hope your meal turns out good.
I didn't know you had tooth problems. I hope that feels better soon. I know how bad that can be.

Enjoy the wine! ;)


Blogger ion said...

Byron was always sending servants off to friends, even though they weren't officially slaves. Hope the antibiotics are kicking in. Probably metronidazole, which means you'd be ill-advised to mix these with homebrew unless you enjoy spewing.


Blogger MIA said...

OCD, hmmm maybe she can pull the tooth for you and then do a clean and polish on the rest.  


Blogger robmcj said...

ion - being Scottish, I haven't got round yet to opening the packet of antibugs. I can take the pain, and it's a shame to waste them. Better to keep them in reserve. Thanks for the tip.

mia - she'd love that.  


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