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15 September 2005 at 09:12

not wanking but drowning

Usually, my father wasn't keen on passing on his skills and wisdom to me. Okay, he did take the time to teach me how to salute, but that was just so that I could salute him.

The only other thing he taught me was this:



HIM: That thing you were doing in the bath last night, you've got to stop doing that.

ME: What thing?

HIM: Don't act smart, you know what I'm talking about.

ME: But I was just playing with the water ...

HIM: Look, I'm ordering you, stop it. It'll turn you blind and give you mental children.







This is me saluting. I'm sorry I don't have a photo of me wanking.





I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

- Stevie Smith's 1957 poem.

Blogger hotboy said...

Not waving, but drowning? How does that work? I wrote that into Light in the Dark. Who is Stevie Smith? I've heard the name, but I never got into po-ums. If you read it, Adolf, I'll let you pick the new name since Light in the Dark is crap as a name. Dearie me. This is a heavy post. I'll surf the blogosphere and definitely get back to you on this fuhrer thing, and this spelling thing. I could spell before I took up this. I could. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Dialogue doctor: Before I gave it up, I was alright at writing dialogue. The dialogue is good up till the word mental. We know it, Adolf, but they don't. We're mental, we're crazy, we're aff oor something heids!! Almost a touch of the poetic working class here. Hotboy.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Before I go: My old man was a fung saint. YOu're old man was a basturn. My old man died and all his possessions, apart from his asthmatic puffer thing, were kept in a shoe box. Because of your old man, are you not able to live in the lap of luxury? Don't the middle class do that? Just ensure that the money passes on. All the feeling is just sentimental nonsense. Zeig! Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My Dear Robmcj,

It took me two months to get Cabbage to stop saluting me when he reported for work each morning. Old colonial habits die hard.

What's the weather like in Nookie Island just now?

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I take it you're referring to the line " 'Was it waving or drowning?' said Yuktesbava with a laugh." Even way back then you were a pioneer of postmodernising (a.k.a. plagiarising).

Which particular Fuhrer thing is that?

Re the dialogue. You're right, I couldn't remember the excat wording he used at the end, so I made it up. And you spotted it. Can we workshop a solution? I think he actually said something like "you'll have mentally defective children." Does that sound more authentic?

However, if we're now mental, wouldn't that prove that my father was right?

MM - Who taught Cabbage the saluting thing to start with? The weather is actually fine. I heard the long-range weather forecast just this afternoon on the radio, and the guy said "there's a 50/50 chance of above-average temperatures." Truly.

Hotboy may want to critique the dialogue. It's the statistical logic I like.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Glad you didn't drown! You are not blind either, are you? :)  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Dear Robmcj,

Cabbage probably picked it up from the police, who line the streets and salute the President when he passes in his pink Rolls.

Things are far more formal in these parts, you know.

MM III  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf:
Dialogue coaching: 'It'll turn you blind and you won't be able to find anyone else to pull it for you!Ever!'
Haven't lost it, no way!
I'm impressed that you've actually read Light in the Dark.
Fuhrer thing: All that goosestepping and saluting! Father. Fatherland. Zeig heil! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - Thanks, now I understand. I had always thought of Tschermany as a mother thing, but now I see what you mean. It doesn't help, though.

The book - I'll read anything that's free, unless it's full of Jabberwocky nomenclature.

MM - I reckon freelance saluting could be the next big thing. Can we develop a range of saluting accessories, for marketing along with the books, tshirts and pet bereavement?

LA - After reading that great post at your place, about a code for living, I'm almost embarrassed to receive you here in these humble surroundings. It's always nice when you stop by to say hello.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Can you recommend anything for the 'new-fangled-headphones-that-don't-go-over- your-head,-but-rather-round-the-back-of-your-head-and-which-unfortunatly-subsequently-start-to-slip-down-your-neck-in-the-middle-of-a-vital-track' ?

Nice thought, but I don't really think there's a commercial opportunity from salutations.

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

MM - Hotboy's the boy to ask about the 'phones, he keeps up with trends in teenage apparatus, tshirts and the like, and.

I gather he comes into regular contact with youngsters via his headstand classes.

I use regular headphones myself, having no wish to appear MDL (Mutton Dressed as Lamb).  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Robmcj, You are too nice! I love coming to visit here!  

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Blogger Eric said...

It's my thingie and I can wash it for as long as I like...  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Eric - why didn't I think of saying that? Actually, I know why. It would have earned me a smack round the ear.  

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