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22 May 2006 at 08:21

virtual listening

Quite touched by people's comments on my previous post.

Basically, there are 2 types of people: those who divide people into 2 types, and those who don't.

I'll start again. There are 2 types of people: those who really know how to listen to other people. And those who don't.

It's amazing how many people don't know how to listen, they're too busy jumping down your throat in search of springboards for their own pet themes. Many of them just can't bear to drag their attention away from themselves. Talking to these people is a waste of time, so this blog recommends you avoid them, especially if you actually enjoy your own company.

Long ago in Scotland, I was very much involved in a counselling network, about 20 trained counsellors who used 2-way counselling as a tool for personal development and skill development, and a lot more besides (ah, the stories I could tell, and probably will). And there's been spin-off from that time - one of the things I think offer my students now is my ability to listen to them individually, and hear the whole person, not just the words. And in what I laughingly call my personal life, I choose to spend time with people who are good listeners, like me.

But to get back to what I wanted to say. The comments I received at the weekend were very kind, but more importantly the commenters showed they had given their full attention to what I wrote. These commenters really know how to listen, empathise and respond. That's one reason why I like going to their blogs and giving them my full attention. What a fortunate creature I am!

Even my dear old friend hotboy is a great listener, with a terrific memory for embarrassing details you have told him decades ago. Of course, he doesn't do empathy, but he can't help that: he used to be a boxer, and battering someone else in public before they batter you is not the best training ground for empathy.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Conversation is all about imperialism. You gather with others of the species, take drugs, and fight for the space. I do understand about the grope therapy. That kind of toilet training doesn't help anyone. Hotboy. p.s. Boxing is totally empathetic as you gain experience. You know what it's like to lose. You know what it's like to win. You know how mad it is. Boxing is maturing. It is character building. Don't scoff! It is. It just is. Boxing rings are hard places to be in. Of course, there's also the cheap thrills. The dementia is a bonus. I don't think people have advertised dementia properly. Hotboy.  

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Anonymous hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Conversation is all about imperialism. You gather with others of the species, take drugs, and fight for the space. I do understand about the grope therapy. That kind of toilet training doesn't help anyone. Hotboy. p.s. Boxing is totally empathetic as you gain experience. You know what it's like to lose. You know what it's like to win. You know how mad it is. Boxing is maturing. It is character building. Don't scoff! It is. It just is. Boxing rings are hard places to be in. Of course, there's also the cheap thrills. The dementia is a bonus. I don't think people have advertised dementia properly. Hotboy.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - that kind of conversation is no good for sensitive souls who need to have a good cry.

I was certainly not scoffing at boxing. I wouldn't go near a ring, though I did once enjoy impromptu playground fisticuffs at primary school. Loved it. I have chosen other avenues of self-development, but I wouldn't decry boxing. I just have this fatal flaw, what I believe you prizefighters call a glass jaw. Glass goolies as well. Glass everything in fact.

But I would still maintain that empathy in the ring is not going to help you. Surely you would save that for after the match, when you can telll him you do empathise with his bruised face?

Does that help?

PS - if you think I need to learn what it's like to lose, maybe the dementia's kicking in. No wonder my mother has the hots for you.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, you are awesome. Thank you for the kind words. I think I would be great friends with you, hotboy and mmiii if we lived close.
I can imagine you are one of those teachers that everyone wants to have.
I did not know Hotboy was a boxer!
Now, he meditates! Wow, almost opposite ends of the spectrum.
~xo  

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Blogger keda said...

probably the state of being knocked unconcious is pretty similar to being in a meditative state no?

yes rob you are pretty super dooper. thanks for the kind words. its so nice to listen round here though. nice and calming and positive i always find.  

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