I should really have read my tea-leaves a week ago. It's been a tough week, what with the dog's fur falling out, and my visits to the dentist and doctor, and it's not over yet.
When things are going well, I have a wonderful life with the various beings I live with and love. When things are going badly for me, experience shows that it's best to rely on myself. Fortunately, I have had 20 years' practice in self-support.
Twenty years ago I had cancer, then surgery and radiation to my head and neck. A big success, though I'll never be a film star now. Last week I got a minor infection in my jaw, a typical delayed complication of radio-so-called-therapy. So far, my only symptoms are like mild flu, plus difficulty in talking (a bit of a challenge when you're a teacher, the Scottish accent is already bad enough).
The last time I had it was about 6 years ago: fixing the problem took 9 months on antibiotics, 6 weeks of daily oxygen therapy in a diving chamber, and I'd to get some teeth pulled. And I was one of the lucky ones! In some people the condition can turn nasty and eat half your face away, leaving a permanently-exposed and infected jawbone, with lifelong pain (if you survive). Naturally I'm planning not to be one of those cases if I can help it.
Whenever I'm in the middle of a health scare, I find it helps if you read a book about someone triumphing over adversity. The book that usually does it for me is The Great Siege: Malta 1565. It's a historical account of the Christian Knights' defence, of the island of Malta, against the forces of the Turkish Empire. The odds didn't look good on paper: 600 Knights against 40,000 Turkish troops.
There's an old painting of the siege.
The book is a great adventure story, but because it's about Crusaders and Muslims, it's not something you'd want to give George Bush for Christmas, it would only encourage him. Guy Ritchie was planning a film of the story, with a starring role for Madonna, but that project seems to have been shelved before filming even began. Probably a wise decision given certain world events.
Last night, instead of the Malta book, I read Barry Graham's "Of Darkness And Light", which I downloaded from his website.
I didn't want to read it at the PC, so I fired up my old stone-age PDA and downloaded it to there. Then I read it in bed till I fell asleep. What a great wee book. It is set in my spiritual home, the West End of Glasgow. And the hero overcomes some fairly chilling odds.
When I woke in the night, I was thinking clearly about my current health problem. I was able to side-step my fears, and work out an action plan for next week - who to see, what to ask for, etc. Feeling powerless and ignorant is one of the worst parts of a health scare, so making a plan and doing the research helps work off the fear.
This morning I decided to take a break from the heebie-jeebies. After a double dose of japanese green tea, I strode out with the dog for a brisk walk through the forest chill, shedding clothes into my backpack along the way as I warmed up. On the discman I played The Land Of Grey And Pink, which I listen to once in a while, it's been in my blood for about 30 years. Marching music for superannuated hippies - I could have walked for ever. If you've never heard it, it's lovingly-made English 70s art-rock jazz, with a cheesy keyboard sound - a bit like the Doors' organ sound but with double cheese. I love it!
We got back an hour later just as the CD finished - the dog knackered and me singing and warm. At last something had gone well. As someone once said: what a fortunate creature I am!
Update: Yesterday at work, all the cheery people were on holiday, and I felt near tears most of the morning. Then in the afternoon I taught my "differently abled" class, and had a lot of fun. Well, part of the fun for me was that they were doing the exam and I wasn't. In between helping them I was able to get on with some blogging.
The appointment with the specialist is on Monday, but in the meantime things are looking up. I think I might get away with cheating the Grim Reaper one morte time. Just as well! I've got a whole barrel of chocolate mahogany porter ready for bottling today.
After I do the bottling, I'll start off the next brew right away, Spicy Ghost Draught. The label says it's "wheat inspired".
It's a busy life, looking after your own needs.
