One morning last week I tied the exercise weights to my ankles before I went walking, to give myself an extra workout. About half an hour into the woods, with not a soul around, I started to feel my heart throbbing, boing-boing, like in the cartoons. I thought - so this is how I'm going to die, miles from civilisation with nobody to rescue me, music blaring on the headphones till the batteries run out. Yippee! What a great way to go, quickly and alone in the wilds, with my dog by my side.
Well, obviously the pounding heart settled down again, the ideal death was not to be. But it got me thinking, and I remembered that there's always a down side to everything. If I had died, my beloved partner would have had to sort through all my crap and clear it out - hypothetically if I had a collection of porn, she would find it. And what about the dog? Would the dog leave me lying there and run off to call for help, like Lassie? In reality she would be more likely to dash under a car, so I resolved that my dying act would have been to tie her to me, so that at least one of us would survive.
We went away last weekend, well just along the bay really, to spend a night at the Club 18-50 resort. Naturally I was keen to get my money's worth, so as well as half-starving myself before the buffet breakfast, we had to turn up the room heating full-blast and strip off. After baking in the room for a few hours, I used the sauna, and then jumped straight into the outdoor pool to cool off. Of course, it's winter here, so the water was freezing, and I had my second Near Death Experience in one week. What a fortunate creature I am to be alive!
PS - the movie on the hotel TV was Galaxy Quest, about a bunch of sci-fi actors who are so believable that a bunch of aliens asks them to help rescue their planet. I'm now a bit nervous - when the Apocalypse comes, will I be inundated with people who want to shelter on the UnHeard Of Island?
