30 November 2006 at 19:21
I was tagged by the incomparable
Lelly to write "Six weird facts/habits about yourself". I already posted three weirdnesses a while ago, but Lelly tells me they weren't weird enough. Okay, I can't do eye-rolling headstands, but here's one more weird thing.
The Rules: "Post six weird facts/habits about yourself. These cannot be used against you later on! At the end of the post name the six people you will tag next. Leave them a comment to let them know they've been tagged and to read your blog."
Do it yourself. Like a lot of guys, I hate the idea of paying someone else to do something I can do myself. And I'm not talking only about home repairs and electrics.
For instance, the last time I paid someone to cut my hair was more than 20 years ago. I always cut my own hair. I use proper hairdresser's scissors, and two mirrors so I can see the back of my head. Just think of the money I've saved over the decades! Of course sometimes I look like I've fallen under a lawnmower, but what do you expect for nothing?
When I developed an ingrown toenail recently, I used Google to find sites on DIY podiatry, then I fixed the problem myself with a toothpick and an old scalpel left over from when I studied anatomy. Result - I saved the $55 podiatrist fee.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.~
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28 November 2006 at 16:58
I have been tagged by
ion to list ten things I will never do:
- Play rugby league.
One good tackle and I'd snap in half.
- Ski.
I've spent enough time in hospitals for one lifetime.
- Have a baby.
I've got a dog.
- Watch cricket.
Life's too short.
- Meditate.
Same as cricket.
- Get fat
I've tried.
- Buy a Harry Potter book, film, CD or other merchandise. There are better writers in Edinburgh.
- Stop taking the T4 pills.
I'd go into a coma and be dead in a couple of weeks.
- Overthrow capitalism.
Capitalists manufacture the life-giving pills.
- Suicide-bomb Osama bin Laden.
It's just another of my heroic fantasies. Like getting a licence to kill drivers who run a red light. Or saving a child from a rabid dog by stabbing it through the heart. The dog, not the kid.
- Reclaim my foreskin.
I'm happy as a roundhead. But many people actually do hang weights from their willies for months - photographs (NSFW).
- Leave my partner.
One reason is no-one else would have me now.
- Stop at 10.
I'm tagging
keda and
doviko~
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24 November 2006 at 02:39
So how come I'm blogging again now, if it has become such a chore and a bore? Surely I would be better giving up blogging altogether?
No way! Thanks to a Scottish Protestant childhood with German overtones, one thing I learned as a kid is how to keep on doing something I'm not enjoying. How else would I have got where I am today?
I phoned the aunt just now. She couldn't speak because she was in the middle of watching an important quiz on the TV. So I called my mother. She couldn't speak either, she was in the middle of watching Rumpole. After that, she'll be watching Pie In The Sky, followed by a programme about the Queen Mother. But I'm welcome to phone back when it's all over.
We're not a very close family. Thank goodness for that! Otherwise I would never have wrenched myself away from them to come and live here at the bottom of the world in the UnHeard Of paradise.
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22 November 2006 at 14:12
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19 November 2006 at 14:18
When I first began teaching, I used to work at home every weekend, preparing classroom materials for the coming week. Nowadays, I do the opposite - I make it a rule never to work at home. If they're not paying me to work weekends, why do it?
1Since I got back from overseas, I've been gradually losing the will to blog. It just seems like a chore for me just now. Does anyone else go through these phases? Is the
Narcissistic Personality Disorder cured?
I actually chose to spend most of this weekend working at home. I know why I did it - subconsciously I'm avoiding blogging.
This is crazy. Lots of people blog at work during the week, to avoid working. I've been working at home all weekend, to avoid blogging. I suppose things are balancing up.
1 - Luckily, I have a job where it's almost impossible to be sacked. Even if I took a bribe at the same time as performing unspeakable acts in the classroom, the worst that would happen would be suspension on full pay while I was rehabilitated. What a fortunate creature I am!~
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16 November 2006 at 10:30
Last week I had a minor altercation with another dog owner, after our dogs had a fight.
I'm actually glad it happened, because it started me thinking about the complex world of dog-walk etiquette. Each time you meet another dog, you have a complex interaction of at least 4 unpredictable animals - 2 owners and 2 dogs.
I decided it was time to practice recalling my dog
before she actually engages with the other dog, so that I'd be able to prevent fights. Because, by the time two dogs have actually started to fight, they're usually deaf to anything their owners say. If you shout at them, to a dog's ears you are barking and joining in the fight, and that makes things worse.
Anyway, I was doing the usual bushwalk this morning, and the headphones were playing Free's "Mr. Big." It was just at the point where all the instruments lay down a headbanging monotonous riff while the bass takes off on a solo that, on a good day, can turn your brains
inside out, in a good way.
We were just at that part of the forest where the path narrows to single file as the trees close in on all sides. At the other end of this tunnel of trees, there appeared this great slobbering alsatian (aka german shepherd) and his owner. Naturally my dog ran ahead to make contact. I dragged my attention away from the headphones and called her back. She ignored me, and was almost upon the other dog when I let her have it. My scream at her came out extra loud because:
- wearing headphones makes you shout anyway
- I was annoyed at having to miss the best bit of the music
- I was determined to be able to recall her in any circumstances
- the other owner had his hands round his dog's neck to restrain it, but the slobbering mouthful of teeth was freaking me out.
Unfortunately, the alsatian took my shouting as a challenge, and was pleading to its owner to be allowed to kill us. Meantime, my dog came trotting obediently back to me. Success! So I began backing us both out of the tunnel to make way for the other pair. The guy could have given me some space to do this, but they kept advancing on us.
As they drew level with us, the dog was roaring at mine, while the owner was making what he thought were calming purring noises. But since I'm an honorary dog pack member, I was able to hear the guy through dog ears. To a dog he was actually going "Grrr Grrr!". Joining in the snarling. No wonder his dog's a psycho killer. The guy turned to me and said "he's very gentle really."
Some days I wonder why everybody except me is an idiot.
After they moved on, my composure was gone and the rest of Mr. Big was wasted on me.
Fortunately, the headphones were on random play, and the next song they chose was My Brother Jake. In the first 3 seconds, there are 3 descending chords that tell you that everything's going to be okay, everything balances out in the end. A mere handful of chords can shake your molecules into harmonious alignment. Fantastic.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
This is a freelance Taoist blog.
Every true story contains a wee lie.
And every lie contains a grain of truth.PS - If you are using the new version of Internet Explorer (i.e. IE v7), the links in this post were unclickable earlier today. There was a fault in IE7 or in my template, either way I've fixed the template. Only wasted most of the day tracing it.
If you're still using IE 6, I'd say don't upgrade yet. There's more info here.
Better still, ditch IE and use Firefox. ~
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11 November 2006 at 05:19
If you're like me, and don't like computer games because they're all about shooting and racing, the
Falling Sand Game is for you. It's beautifully addictive.
Or if short animations are your thing, you might like
Fallen Art. It won several awards, and it's suitable for most kids.
Have a nice weekend.
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09 November 2006 at 05:13
Every year at this time I have to chase the last few penguins off the island. They need to swim south for the summer, as it's too hot for them here just now.
Usually they leave willingly, but one or two of them have developed a taste for the home brew, and require persuasion to head off for the stone cold sober waters of the Antarctic.
The penguins steal my beer, but there are worse pests than penguins. For years the islands have been infested with Indian Mynah birds. Originally they came from Malaysia I think, but here they have
run amok in the absence of any natural predators.
There are now millions of mynahs, and they are regarded as vermin. They eat the food that the parrots depend on, so some native species are dying out. And they gang up to torment my dog, swooping on her with a deafening squawking when she goes in the garden.
Back in September, just before I went overseas to check my pension fund, I had a brainwave. I would cull the worst birds, the ones making the dog's life hell. So I sat quietly in the garden, called the dog out, and waited till they showed up. Using an adult-size catapult (technically illegal here) and M&Ms, I shot the basturns as they flew in. The theme from 633 Squadron ran through my head. And the dog got very excited. In her mind, I was at long last showing some promise as a top dog, leading the pack in a real wild food hunt.
Most of my shots missed of course, but I had a few lucky hits and the birds got the message. For once, the sky was silent and the dog could relax. But as we all know, everything balances up, and for every action there will be an opposite re-action. Eventually.
Meanwhile, I went away to Europe for a month.
Soon after I returned here, I went out to do some gardening.
Have you ever seen the Hitchcock film "The Birds"? It's a preposterous movie about a woman who is attacked by crows. An unlikely story and a boring film. But as I stood in the garden, mynahs flew in from all over the neighbourhood. Ignoring the dog, they took it in turns to dive-bomb me, nearly blowing my eardrums out with their racket. They had remembered me - the guy who shot at them a couple of months earlier. Clever birds.
They're turning the garden into a no-go area for me. I should have thought of that. I may have to escalate.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
This is a freelance Taoist blog.
Every true story contains a wee lie.
And every lie contains a grain of truth.~
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06 November 2006 at 09:37
One of my favourite films is American Beauty. Like my friend
hotboy, I share Lester's work motivation. I have a job where the management is so dysfunctional that they have no idea what I do or how I do it. Basically I can do whatever I want (as long as I keep my students happy). And I work only 2 days a week, but never 2 consecutive days so as not to risk burnout. And I take about 9 weeks holiday a year. Can you outslack that? I think not.
Mind you, I can't afford a car or any vices. I have to manufacture all my own alcohol, which is isn't a lot and anyway the job leaves me plenty of time for brewing - funny how everything balances out.
But there's bad news now - my retirement plan, which was to be funded by an inheritance from my aunt, is now in tatters. When she read out
her will to the family, she explained that she has blown most of her dough in the last few years. So in the future I'm going to have to start earning furiously, and my 2-day working week may soon be a thing of the past. But on the plus side, the shock of full-time work might kill me.
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02 November 2006 at 21:50
My grandfather was born on the right side of the tracks, but fought on the wrong side in World War 1. I recently inherited his service medals, which I'm wearing in this photo, pinned to my birthday suit.
When my mother was a schoolgirl in Germany during World War 2, schoolkids were taught a macabre version of "show and tell". The teacher encouraged them to rat on their parents, and my mother stood up and proudly told the class that her father had been listening to BBC on the radio.
That night, my grandfather was taken away for interrogation. Things were looking bad, especially as he was, how can I put it, not racially pure. He was finally released when he shamed his captors by showing them his medals from the previous war.
It just goes to show, you should never throw anything away. I'm keeping the medals in case these islands are ever invaded by fascists.
The story came sort of full circle during my own childhood, years later in Scotland. My mother went out to the BBC studios one evening, while the rest of our family gathered round the radio set, to listen to my mother being interviewed on the BBC, about her experiences as a German living in Scotland.
This is a freelance Taoist blog.
Every true story contains a wee lie.
And every lie contains a grain of truth.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.~
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