open text

30 November 2005 at 17:29

international back care exercises

Indian Yoga:





Glasgow Yoga:



(pics supplied by Seb)

Blogger Lee Ann said...

hahaha, that is so funny!  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Have you cut your head off today yet? Anyway, the Glasgow boy is very good at it, isn't he? Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

I say!

That was so funny I spilt all of my sundowner.

MM III  

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Blogger Chickie said...

I don't know what's up. I've been trying to read your blog for a couple of weeks but it won't scroll all the way down so I can read a full post. This is the first one I've even been able to get to the comment screen on. Maybe it's just me. Argh, well, what I can read - I've really liked!  

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Post a Comment

29 November 2005 at 06:17

tag tale

I have been tagged by carslemane, to write an example of awful writing.

Carslemane has already tagged everyone I know, but if you're someone else feel free to tag yourself. There are some helpful ideas at the Bulwer-Lytton site.

Carslemane lives in Australia. On landing at Sydney airport, a Qantas captain once announced over the P.A. to his passengers, "welcome to Australia, please set your watches forward 11 hours. Then set them back ten years."

In honour of Carslemane, I did a story set in the past.




These words are formed with the sharpened penguin beak with which I write with difficulty with ink made from blood and powdered seaweed, with no light save only but for the flicker of a seal-oil lamp, in this the last month of the tenth year of my exile in captivity at Guano Bay on Flat Island.

It was on a rainy Edinburgh night, in the third week of November in the year 1828, as I stood in the Royal Mile, its cobbles as wet and slippery as a wet fish, after several jugs of ale (me, not the fish), at an hour's distance from my place of residence near the School of Medicine, when a horse-drawn carriage of the constabulary screeched to a halt beside me.

As I stood aside, a head came out the window and cried out, "in the King's name, desist at once, dude!"

I turned to watch Vincent climb drunkenly down from the statue of John Knox. He opened his mouth (Vincent, not John Knox), and I knew too well the sort of thing he intended to say. Vincent has a natural gift for insulting constables and soldiers. "Awa' and dae a man's job!" had once earned him a merciless police beating outside a Forfar fyshe and chyppe shoppe.

Before Vincent could mouth the dastardly insult that would land us both in the cells, I volunteered a more diplomatic greeting - "be not alarmed, good officers, for we are medical students."

With a resigned sigh, the constable stepped down from the carriage and strode towards me. In the street light's glow I saw that he held in his hand a black pudding wrapped in a copy of The Scotsman. He pulled out his truncheon, or maybe it was another black pudding, and the last thing I recall before losing consciousness is the headline on the newspaper - "Burke And Hare Trial - More Witnesses Disppear."


Copyright 1842. All rights reserved. This material may not be republished, rebroadcast, rewritten, or deconstructed.




1842 Maritime Chart showing the location of Guano Bay on Flat Island.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! After Mein Kampff I thought you'd bowed out of the literary scene. But this example of writing was superb! Are you looking for an agent? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Just checked a previous post of mine, Adolf! Zeig! You asked what a viking het was. A viking het is a helmet a viking would don if he was one of the royals. They don't wear hats. They wear hets! Hope that helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Excellent help, thank you. Can we get a cross-promotion thing going? You do blurbs for my back cover and vice versa? Whoever gets published first lays on the home brew.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - are you saying the writing isn't bad enough for the competition? Or that it's so bad that it's good? Clarification would help.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I had a look at the site with the winners and they're all brilliantly written. But very short. If you want to ignore my advice enter the first and the last paragraph. Surely, it's better if it doesn't make sense. Hope this helps. It didn't help me! Hotboy  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I had a look at the site with the winners and they're all brilliantly written. But very short. If you want to ignore my advice enter the first and the last paragraph. Surely, it's better if it doesn't make sense. Hope this helps. It didn't help me! Hotboy  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished the NaNoWriMo.org contest, so I'm done writing for a while...  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am a terrible friend. I got tagged and didn't do anything with it. My mind is just not thinking of anything worthwhile!
Sorry Carslemane!  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - good advice, thanks.

HB - I heard you the first time.

Squid - good name - I'll saunter over to your place for a read.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - help me decide - use the Guano Bay or the Royal Mile para?  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

No HNT?  

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Post a Comment

24 November 2005 at 20:05

HNT 6

After grossing a few people out a couple of weeks ago, I am doing my best again this week to avoid offence, by allowing user choice. Here are 5 versions of the same photo, which I have jollied up using photoshop and picasa. They are arranged in decreasing order of good taste, so you can bale out at any point if you're nervous about scars.



When I was young, I lost my head over a woman.

The medical team did a marvellous job of sewing it back so you can hardly see the join, but it has never worked the same.


















HNT Guidelines
45113638_202b79dc11


If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here

Blogger Osbasso said...

If that sucker is real, it's mighty impressive! You missed the HNT guidelines though--all scars must have an accompanying story!  

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Blogger Wenchy said...

I enjoyed them regardless of the missing story Osbasso!

LOL  

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Blogger Blondie... said...

OMG,

You HAVE to tell the story!! WOW! I'm very intriguied!

Happy HNT & Thanksgiving!!  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob....that is something! Is it a real scar?
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Thanks for the good feedback. But that was the story, well the lighthearted version anyway. Maybe I should do the real story another week, with a more graphic picture of the same event.

This could become a whole sub-genre.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Lee Ann, yes it's real alright. This is the first time I've shown the picture.  

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Blogger Tish said...

Oh my! I hope that's not real!

Happy HNT!! And from now on, stay away from women! hehehe.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

By the way, you guys in the States must be nocturnal, it's 7 pm here in the UnHeard Of Islands, so that makes it about 3 or 4 a.m. with you. Here's hoping my HNT won't give you nightmares.  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats some scar mate. Different from some of your other offerings thats for sure.

Happy HNT  

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Blogger Bsoholic said...

Wild scar man!

Happy HNT  

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Blogger Shauna said...

That's some scar! Wow.  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

very original...me likey!  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! The girl's dad must have been really mad. Was that the time your mum got the head posted her in a hatbox and just sewed it back on. Uber alles, eh? I think puttting a zip on it would have helped. Hotboy  

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Blogger HS said...

yeah, I need to know now too!  

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Blogger Quiet said...

"Chicks dig scars" or so I am told.
HHNT  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

no, you must tell the real story, you must not leave us hanging thusly.
HHNT!  

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Blogger Tess said...

Holy crap, that's one scary ass scar. The story, the story, please....

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger MamaKBear said...

My God, what a scar! I'm with the rest of 'em...you gotta tell the story!
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Mara said...

Very cool effects.. Happy HNT  

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Blogger kimmyk said...

OH.MY.WORD.!

You do have to do a follow up story on this. Amazing scar. Amazing.

I'm glad you're here to tell (you will tell right?) the story. Women can bitches can't we???  

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Blogger zomba said...

I say old bean!

Chin up!

MM III  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Actually, this is the most wonderful blog! If I'd been bothered to look at all the blogs in bloggyville, it would still be better ... because I think I have an idea of who you might be anyway. Did you really get your head chopped off just for this half naked thing?
I'm so glad the way it's turned out. It could have been much worse Oh no! Hotboy  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Okay, Adolf! Zeigy! We don't have long to go. Let's spend it together. I have no money. GIve me some (BTW I'm cheap!) and name the island to die on. I've got a musical instrument. I can play it, honest. I have a disease. I hope you don't care. Hotboy. p.s. Okay, the therapy is working. At least for me. \|Thanks a million! Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

These are just the best comments. Naturally I have returned the complement at their various blogs. Except for the person purporting to be hotboy.

And thanks for the idea for next Thursday's post.  

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Blogger Jaxe said...

Yeeeeeeouch! Ok, Rob, here's the deal...we're going to go find that 'woman' you lost your head over, and we're going to get even... muwahahahah! Happy LATE LATE HNT, friend and give me a yell if you want to take me up on that! ;-)

j  

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Post a Comment

23 November 2005 at 07:50

news digest

EXIT PLAN 1

Tim Collins, the tough and honourable Gulf War commander of The Royal Irish Regiment in Iraq, who found fame as a result of his speech to his troops on the eve of battle, has written a book. He pleads with Britain and Australia to try and influence the US to change their thinking on Iraq, or else face decades of conflict. What was needed in the aftermath of the war was some sort of exit plan, such as a 5-year plan to build peace, but "Americans only understand subjugation."

He suggests that the only hope now is to gradually replace the coalition troops with a regional force composed of Arab nations, until an Iraqi force can take over.

He points to the lesson of Britain's hasty withdrawal from India in 1947, resulting in the violent partition and the death of millions.

EXIT PLAN 2

My workplace is "managed" by managers who believe that if the teachers have a problem, it can be solved by a meeting. And if that doesn't work, the solution is a longer meeting. Meetings should be rambling and agenda-less, that way the managers can best convey their wisdom to the staff.

I can endure maybe 1 hour in a meeting, before I get very frustrated. By the 3-hour mark, I usually want to machine-gun the room and get on with the mountain of real work waiting on my desk. The longer I fight the urge, the more unhappy I become, and the harder it is to simply walk out without feeling and looking murderous, especially as someone might challenge me and trigger a bloodbath.

Yesterday I discovered the value of having an exit plan. At the very start of a meeting, scheduled for 3 hours but obviously likely to run to 5 hours, I announced that sadly I would only be able to stay for 2 hours. I set my watch alarm for 2 hours. By the time it went off, I was still feeling composed and secure in the knowledge I had an exit plan. I calmly rose to my feet and walked out.

My poor colleagues emerged from the meeting at the 5-hour mark, looking shell-shocked. Some had been crying. Like Bush, they had gone in without an exit plan.

TENNIS

In the Shanghai final of the ATP Tennis Masters, David Nalbandian the super-fit Argentinian beat the also-amazing Federer in 5 dramatic sets.

I spoke to Nalbandian myself a few years ago in Tokyo. He was standing right behind me in the immigration queue, carrying umpteen tennis rackets. His loud conversation with his mates was busting my ears so I tried to wave him ahead of me, "No, no" he said, you go ahead. It was a short conversation, and I'm not sure if he remembers our meeting, but in those few words I was able to weigh up the man and his tennis hopes.

I had to stay up half the night supporting Nalbandian on Sunday, but that was only fair, since he had to stand in line an extra few seconds for my sake. Everything balances out.

SOCCER

After 30 years of futile attempts to qualify for the football World Cup, the Australian soccer team has finally won the right to participate in 2006. As a result, 19 million nationalistic Australians, who ignored the sport all these years because Australia was no good at it, have overnight discovered a great love of the game. The nation has been partying all week, you'd think they'd won the World Cup.

RELIGIOUS AFFAIRS

Who designed the intelligent designer?

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Conquer the meetings! Let no one get a word in edgeways. When they fall asleep, eat them. This always worked for me. I hope it helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Just one measly comment today! This is what happens when you give people a taste for nudity, they desert you when you put your clothes back on.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Fickle, they are! I'm only left with Jack the Spam Robot! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Post a Comment

20 November 2005 at 17:10

the dare

I had a dare with Hotboy - if he would start the Half Naked Therapy, I would post a picture of myself attempting yoga.

Well he has posted his own HNT photo here, so today I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I had done quite a bit of saluting in my time, but this was the first time I tried the yoga routine called salute to the sun.

It's quite relaxing, but I may not be doing it right.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Zeig again! The loneliness on your side of the Unheard of Island had finally taken it's toll, I see. You do realise that you're losing the plot, don't you? Hope this is a reassurance in some way. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

I think that's what they said to the buddha.  

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Blogger jimmmer said...

Dude. That was beautiful.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Have you seen how I'm now going to be dead famous and rich? Would you like the job of going around being me since you don't seem to do much? I just want to sit, basically. That's doing even less. If you don't want the job, pass it on to the penguins. Maybe I could rent a stuffed one. Is this the narscissisticy disfiguration surfacing again? Hotboy
p.s. The boy was right about the buddha reposte! But you are still losing the plot. I think that may be called projection though.I can't go into that because I never did work out the post-modernism. Is that old hat now?  

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Post a Comment

17 November 2005 at 02:56

HNT 5 - TUNING UP

IN PRAISE OF HNT

Last week I visited perhaps 70 Half Nekkid Thursday blogs. As well as coming across some very nice people, I noticed a few things.

  1. Liberalism. One thing I noticed was that HNTers tend to be politically, not just photographically, more liberal than average. I didn't find a single use of abusive terms or racial slurs.


  2. Support. I try to live my life as an open book, not because I want the attention, but because like many people I could do with a few less hang-ups, fewer secrets. I experience HNT blogging as a supportive environment (read the rules) for lowering my guard just a little.


  3. Creativity. Your average blogger is by definition quite creative. Blogging requires personal qualities like imagination, discipline, planning, reflection, daring, etcetera.

    Many HNTers are also creative, not just in their pictures (themes, framing, photoshop effects) but also in their personalised template designs, their colour schemes, their writing. I'm not going to single people out here, but if you want to know what I mean, try the blogroll at Osbasso's, on a Thursday (Friday here in the Indian Ocean).

    I know you might say I'm being elitist and self-congratulatory - "aren't we HNTers a clever lot?" - and now you mention it, I am. But only a couple of weeks ago I was disillusioned with the whole thing and had decided to quit HNT-ing. Don't say I'm not balanced.



THIS WEEK'S HNT




I already used this old picture once on my first HNT, but it was so carefully hidden behind a link in a story, that almost nobody found it. Happy HNT!

HNT_1

Blogger Wenchy said...

Very creative pic.

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Michelle said...

hmmm are those bandaids covering an owie? hehe

HHNT!!!  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I do like this pic Rob!
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Jaxe said...

Bwahahahahahahaaaa! I remember that one... and all I can hear playing in my head is "Tiptoeeeee ... through the tuuuuulips" Awesome post Rob, happy hnt!  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! What can one say? Dearie, dearie me! Hotboy  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol brilliant. Yeah there are some places you just don't want sunburn  

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Blogger Shauna said...

Glad you posted it again. It's a great (and very unique!)shot.  

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Blogger Beth said...

LOL Very nice!

HHNT!  

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Blogger Tammy said...

Um, there seems to be something covering the prize. Could you move that please?

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Blondie... said...

So those bandaids...does something hurt? You want I should kiss it and make it better?

HAHAHA, Sorry, I could NOT resist saying that. Very creative photo and yeah I agree about Bloggers. For the most part the average blogger seems to use theirs as a creative outlet on so many levels.

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Robin Alexa said...

Great shot!

Happy HNT.  

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Blogger Jayne said...

I agree with the HNT blogger shout-out (and not sure who you would be pissing off, probably most of us are nodding in agreement, "yes, yes, clever and wonderful we are. . ." I'll try to pull some strings to help you with your Christian fatwa, BTW. Remind those haters about Jesus preaching love, forgiveness, tolerance, etc.

Oh and great picture! Happy HNT!  

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Blogger *Monica said...

be careful removing the bandaids! OUCH! I love the relaxed nature of this picture. Happy HNT  

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Blogger MamaKBear said...

Oh my! Nice um....use of band-aids! lol
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger lecram sinun said...

Nice pic and praise! Cheers and happy HNT!  

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Blogger Scott & Julia said...

LOL, great shot! Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Tess said...

Thanks for your comment on my site.

I also agree that the HNTers are a creative lot. I look forward to Thursdays for that reason and for the support everyone gives one another, oh yeah, and for the boobies.

Happy HNT, Rob.  

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Blogger .- said...

jinkies  

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Blogger Robin said...

Nicely done. Always protect the jewels.
Happy HNT.  

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Blogger Chickie said...

Love it! And you look so much better than Tiny Tim.  

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Blogger Lelly said...

LOL! You are hilarious! (Now it's gotta hurt when you rip those plasters off!)
Lelly (aged 47)  

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Blogger Hoochie Mama said...

Be careful taking that band aid off... ouch! Hehe!

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I saw it the first time, but I like coming back for seconds. HHNT!  

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Blogger Tish said...

Very nice!! I've never wanted to rip off a bandaid so much in my life. ;)  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Hi, try my HNT again, using the click-to-reveal feature. That ain't no gadonkadonk!  

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Blogger Quiet said...

Very nice. You look warm...qfi  

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Post a Comment

16 November 2005 at 18:13

templates on blogger

Lee Ann has explained that I have a sexual template. So have you.

The sexual template is believed to develop early on during a childhood erotic experience — perhaps as early as age three or four — and it sticks with you for life. I will never forget my erotic experience at age 4, involving a threesome and a cactus, but I haven't a clue what it means. That won't stop me blogging about it.

Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

I do hope your experience was not with this cactus.

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow! Rob! I am sorry!

MMIII, you are cracking me up!!!! hahaha  

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Post a Comment

13 November 2005 at 19:50

time to use the secret weapon

If the fundamentalist harassment continues, I may be forced to play my religious trump card, and it's a good one.

When I was a kid, Alan lived across the road from me, and we were best buddies. At a time when I was still listening to Cliff Richard and The Shadows, Alan turned me on to Beatlemania.


Alan and me

One year, four of us performed at the Sunday School Christmas party, miming to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" . My hair was curly and wouldn't stay in a fringe, so my father made me a fake fringe out of black wool and elastic. He also made the two hardboard cut-out guitars, in the shape of my ukulele.


Cardboard cut-out Beatles


A year or two later, Alan became head of the sunday school, and I went to the devil. Since those days, Alan has lived a decent and worthwhile life as an activist church minister, and was last month appointed Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland (BBC announcement). For non-Scots readers, it means he's a sort of Archbishop of Scotland. Unlike him, I have wasted my talents in pointless distractions. Like this blog.

Alan, if you're reading this, firstly let me congratulate you on your deserved success. Your achievements have been a great consolation to my mother for my own apparent failures. Still, I like to think I have earned a modest reputation for myself here on the UnHeard Islands, both as an amateur brewer and for my part-time work at the McDonald Institute. Not to mention my volunteer counselling work with the HNT scheme.

Alan, I know we haven't met in 30 years, but could you do me a favour, for old times' sake? Could you put a fatwa on the guy who's jamming my account with extremist religious ravings? I don't know the technical term for a Christian fatwa, but you'll know, I'm sure. I can't offer you much in return, except perhaps a special discount on communion beer.

Either way, rest assured that I have turned down all media offers of money to tell the inside story of our childhood. To tell you the truth, the relevant memory cells have died off anyway, thanks to all the bad company and bad habits.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Totally impressed by your famous connections. Can't you blackmail him? Hotboy p.s. There musta lot of folk out there like ukeleles  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

What a good highlight! So nice of your dad to help you to reinact the Beatles. So that is where you learned to play the guitar? ;)
I hope your "archbishop" friend can help.
Is the Church of Scotland like an Episcopal or Catholic church?  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

A day later: Adolf! Heil! I see no one leaves comments when you don't flash the nudie pictures. Fickle they are! Hotboy  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

All my little chums in Bellshill managed to stay out of jail, except one, but that was an approved school. Don't know if he made it to the Big House. Nothing helps some people. Hotboy p.s. That's the first good thing I've ever heard you say about your da. The therapy might be working!  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...


HB - why would they bother visiting when they know there's no more pictures of me till Thursday?

I didn't notice I was being kind to my old man. It won't happen again.

Eric - George Harrison has led the ukulele revival, but you and I were clearly ahead of him. I may try crossing Yellow Submarine and Blackbird Bye Bye. Thanks for the suggestion. Re your success shooting your mate in the eye - an early sign of your military bent? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I considered pushing my best mate out of a 4th floor window at school, he was such a basturn.

LA - Thanks, my father played the uke in the navy, and taught me as a kid. As for the Church of Scotland, it's not catholic, I don't really know what it is. It was just something we would write on the job application form, where it asked for "religion". A bit like when a medical form asks how much alcohol you drink, and you write "normal social drinking".  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Shame on you! The Church of Scotland is presbyterian, which means it's got no bishops. Also, they believe in predestination, which is a calvinist concept that means God knows you're going to hell before you're born, but let's you get on with it anyway. Good example of how all you can say about God is not true.
Also, the Sun newspaper would love to know that the next Moderator's old best friend is now being banned from the bloggyphotiesphere for showing nakes photies of himself! Who's coming up with the hush hush money? That's all I want to know! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Post a Comment

10 November 2005 at 14:03

HNT 4

I think I'm getting the hang of this HNT scheme. The people who get the most comments are careful to use tasteful self-exposure. My previous efforts have been too far ahead of their time. I may have to wait till after my death before my work with the bananas is more widely recognised.

This week I've put vaseline on the lens to ensure good taste. Apart from the soft-focus effect, this holiday snap, from my ukulele tour of Greece, is not photoshopped. All my HNTs are clickable, so if you're feeling adventurous, you can click through to see the surrounding beach.











HNT Guidelines
45113638_202b79dc11


If you're thinking of hitting the Flag button, like someone did last week, I invite you to leave a comment instead, that way I'll know what you think, and we can work something out.

If this week turns out badly, this may have to be my last HNT entry. Self-exposure has brought me a new audience, but also trouble, what with the religious jammers and the moral police complaints to Blogger. I might have to go back to what I do best, whatever that may be.

Blogger Beth said...

Holy God. Forget the gee-tar. That's just edible!  

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Blogger Osbasso said...

Sorry I missed you the first time around. Welcome to HNT! You're officially on the Nekkid roll now!  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a great pic. less fruity lol but still a great pic. you look um ... relaxed.

Happy HNT  

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Blogger tokitikki said...

hi there. just to let you know - those people who are jerks can just piss off. if it's blogger thats allowing 'flagging', you could always check out blogdrive.com - I never had any problems with them.

as it is, happy hnt, great picture!  

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Blogger lime said...

VERY nice! may i strum along? happy HNT!  

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Blogger Chickie said...

Nice photo. And of course, I had to go check out the banana one. Love it too!  

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Blogger Jaxe said...

My friend, that is pure Genius! I mean, I haven't seen a ukelele worked so well since Don Ho! ;-) happy hnt  

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Blogger Blondie... said...

Oh man...
This is a freaking awesome picture. I appreciate the classic guitar a lot more. Here...hand it to me and teach me! hehe

;-) Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Andi said...

If there was an award for best ukelele placement you'd win it by a mile!  

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Blogger Joel said...

Well Well Well! nice neck! Cool pic. Happy HNT! And I like the previous week too...somehow missed it i guess  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, I see Osbasso stopped by to see you! YAY!
That is a nice pic! I like this one better, more mysterious! Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Jayne said...

Great photo! I agree, slightly mysterious is always well received. . . I haven't seen your other pics yet but will right now! Happy HNT!  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought the pic was cool. I'm sorry you got flagged...people can be so crude.  

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Blogger Logophile said...

oooooooh,
you really need to pick that up and play it,
Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Margaret said...

great pic... :)

peace...  

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Blogger Tess said...

It's great. I like a man ahead of his time.

Happy HNT!  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

here is the link to my HNT :) it's under the title "thursday memes", actually:

click.  

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Blogger BabySnakes said...

eeeeee, hee hee  

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Blogger Science Policy PC said...

Holy poo! Ummmmm I have to go now.  

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Blogger kimmyk said...

I can't see anything wrong with that photo.
Nope not a thing....  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Wow, very artistic. Lovely, really. Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Mara said...

Holy Mother of God.. I'm LOVIN that pic! Happy HNT  

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Blogger Tish said...

Oh my!! I've never wanted to strum a ukelele so much in my life! I'll be coming back to your page often. Happy HNT! :)  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Brownshirted amazons please!! Zeig! Why are you posting these nudie photies of yourself? I'll tell your mother. I will. Hotboy  

~

Blogger Benjamin said...

really cool picture. Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

nice...err..ukulele...but too much vaseline!:-)  

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Blogger Shauna said...

Someone flagged you on HNT day?

Grr. I hate that thing. I have the code to nix the whole blogger bar if you're interested I can certainly dig it up.

Cheers! And great pic. :)

(I got a little off track when I read that you had been flagged.)  

~

Blogger Jillian said...

Soooo Yummy!!!  

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Blogger Quiet said...

Excellent photograpy. HHNT  

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Blogger jazz said...

you can't quit! you're good at this!  

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Blogger Scarlet Traces said...

hee! i've just checked out the banana hnt! cool :)
i love this weeks as well!
happy hnt  

~

Blogger jazz said...

first: thanks for stopping by my 100 things

second: mint chocolate chip only has a teeny bit of chocolate so it's okay for me to love it

third: i doubt i'm as funny in real life

fourth: it took me a few hours

fifth: you love my spelling? did i not spellcheck?! damn. gotta go check that. or you gotta tell me what you meant!  

~

Blogger The Middle Child said...

Nice pic! Definitely look relaxed!  

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Blogger Heather said...

Ah ha! So this is how you syndicate your blog. Very clever RobMcJ! And whodathunk that being nekkid was such a clever marketing tool!

wink wink

H  

~

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Try my HNT picture again; you might see better if you click on it.  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I've just found out what that flag thing is for. Brilliant! I think Big Bloggy Brother should be examining your blog for nazi content. I could do it just now, but too blissed to ... have they arrested your photies then? Hotboy  

~

Blogger zomba said...

I say, old bean!

Insulted a flag, have you? My advice - eat humble pie, stand to attention, and salute.

Not sure what they made of it, but that got me out of quite a fix once in Katanga, back during the troubles there. Did I ever tell you about Moise? Smart lad. Pity he had to capitulate.

MM III  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Sunday morning, the downside of getting all these comments is it'll take all morning to respond. I'll do this at each person's blog, rather than here.

But I must say here, I've met some very nice people through the HNT co-counselling service. Even more broadminded than the buddhist hermit of Flat Island.  

~

Post a Comment

09 November 2005 at 11:30

it was foretold

If only I had read my horoscope for the week, I could have avoided all that aggro from the moral minority and the fundamentalists.

My horoscope said:

Your golden qualities and your darker characteristics are both in evidence now.

That's horoscope-speak for the Taoist motto "everything balances out". It continues:

Your fiery charisma gets some people's blood pumping ...

(for example, the positive commenters on my last artwork, all female as it happens)

... but others find it too intense.

(the religious zealots - male as it happens - who dumped 30 paragraphs of "Good News" on my electronic doorstep, then complained to Blogger about my content).

You are too stimulating, so you might consider editing yourself a little this week.

That's exactly what hotboy said too! And I have indeed been editing myself today, as part of my plan to persuade Blogger to remove the shackles from my photo account. What a wonderfully apt horoscope! Now I can hardly wait till Saturday's paper, when they print the next horoscope. I think I already know what it's going to say:

A famous film star whose surname is Hudson sees your body parts on your blog, and offers you a job running her photo website. Everything balances up in the end.

Blogger Hotboy said...

If Bloggyboss has done something to you for yon photie, then there's something right about the world! At last! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hope your week gets better!  

~

Blogger zomba said...

Must have had one too many. The body parts have gone all fuzzy.

MM III  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

A comment crowing over my misfortune, is immediately followed by a comment wishing me good fortune.

More proof that everything balances out!

At the Blissblog, Hotboy wants to know what happiness is. Happiness is balance. If you have more well wishers than malevolents in your life, you're on course for happiness.

Failing that, gather around you people like MM who are neutral, who don't care whether you are happy or not. They leave you alone so you can develop your happiness, standing on your head or whatever you need to do.

Carslemane, being an Aussie, is naturally happy - spend some time with him at Daly Waters and you'll be happy until the beer runs out. I've a feeling he may show up here soon.

I hope this helps.  

~

Post a Comment

07 November 2005 at 20:39

born again blogs

I have been off the air for a few days, and at work yesterday I was so busy I had no time to blog at all. So today I'm making up for lost time, breaking my own rule of "minimalist posts - maximalist comments".

Sometimes, I like to make use of Blogger's "NEXT BLOG" button, to look at some random blogs. If you try this, you soon discover that almost every second U.S. blogger, apart from the spam blogs, is a full-on Christian. When they're not thanking or praising God they're reporting church business. Not once but in every flaming post.

I'm a freelance Taoist myself, but I don't feel the need to go on about it in every post. Or in any post.

What is it about Christianity that generates so many fundamentalists (or God-botherers as they're called here)? I mean, you wouldn't catch a buddhist blogger going on about meditation in every post. Okay, there is one, but at least he posts lots of interesting stuff as well.

I'm a live-and-let-live kind of guy, so I wouldn't have mentioned this at all, but the last straw was when my recent post was targetted by a godly commenter.

This wasn't spam (I have word verification switched on), this was a human who takes the trouble to type in the word verification and then deposit reams of godspeak, homophobia and death threats, under the heading "GOOD NEWS".

For example, according to this commenter, heathens who are

"whisperers, .. haters of God, ... boasters, ... disobedient to parents .... are deserving of death."


Apparently it's pure luck that I was so obedient to my parents, or I'd be dead by now.

Of course, you know what could happen next - unless I see the error of my ways and start hailing God in my own blog, this guy gets all his mates to click on the Flag button at the top of my blog, complaining to Blogger that they're offended about my content. The next thing you know, Blogger will cancel my account. God moves in mysterious ways.

In fact, it's started already, a vocal minority have taken exception to my latest still life art work - now I know how misunderstood Van Gogh felt. Just when my art was attracting a record comment count, and I was planning a special ground-breaking new photo for this week, Blogger have frozen my photo account. I have asked them to unlock it.

Anyway, back to the fundamentalist comments. It's important not to get sucked into discussion with fundamentalists as it only encourages them. But let me say unto God-botherers: consider keeping the good news to thyself.




I have received an appeal for more humour in my posts. Here's the best religious joke I could find. You can leave your laugh rating in a comment.

Q: What was God doing before he created the universe?
A: Preparing hell for heathens who ask smartarse questions.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am a Christian, but I, like you, don't push my beliefs on others. I feel people should have the freedom to believe what they want to believe!  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Thanks Lee Ann, you have reaffirmed my faith that there are reasonable people out there. Balanced. There should be more people like you.  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Verily, verily, the Great One will smiteth you until you are sorry! You're only road to salvation is to post photies of women in brownshirts, or even long leather boots! Hope this helps. When you're in hell, nothing will. Hotboy  

~

Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Fellow Robmcj,

Not overly religious myself, though I do pray each time an England batsmen gets to the wicket. Mrs Milngavie attends regularly, though.

However, I must say that one of the most delightful experiences of my life was when we visited a small village church near Kilifi in Kenya, many years ago.

The reason was the singing - absolutely beautiful unaccompanied singing in the African style, but for some reason particularly appealing in that instance.

MM III  

~

Blogger crallspace said...

I feel like Christians get a bad rap... but then, a lot of them annoy me too.

I am a more spiritual and liberal Christian. I attend Unitarian churches and enjoy that style a lot more, when I'm even in the mood for church.

But yeah, sometimes, non-Christians will just put on a show...the guy w/ the death threats is probably just a fraud. The worst are those in the USA who support Bush, b/c they believe his lies about being a Christian.  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Crallspace - no offence intended, some of the nicest people are Christians, usually the ones who don't make a big deal about it. And some of my wife's Methodist upbringing probably made her so special. I agree with you, the ones who shout it the loudest are the ones to beware.

Carsey - you've got taste, who cares if it's in your boots? We should split a slab of Cascade when I'm next in Townsville. Or are you a 4X man?

MM - churches are great places. Would you agree hotboy?  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

carsey, I need directions to the Daly Waters Hotel from the airstrip.  

~

Blogger Quiet said...

Half of the blogs are Christian, the other half porn. Somewhere it evens out?

Finding good blogs randomly is next to impossible. I am glad you stopped by, excellent writing so far :-)  

~

Post a Comment

03 November 2005 at 08:35

Half-Nekkid Thursday

Update: After one or two complaints, I put a soft focus on this picture to spare sensitive feelings. Maybe some people blog during mealtimes. You can still click through to the full version. A former partner took this photo when I was jet-lagged in a hot country.


Guidelines
for HNT:
45113638_202b79dc11




This week's HNT

Blogger Lee Ann said...

OOOOOH! look at those fruity treats! I say! teeheehee ~ love that saying!  

~

Blogger MamaKBear said...

*gasp*! Oh my goodness! Mmmmmmm...
Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Michelle said...

OMG!!! hehehe *blushing* lol

Happy HNT!!!  

~

Blogger Michelle said...

What's wrong with your banana?
You're very brave, BTW.

Happy HNT!  

~

Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA HA HA . Brilliant

Happy HNT  

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Blogger Naughty K said...

Suddenly I'm in the mood for bannanas...
Karen  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! You've gone bananas! Time to double up on the medication. Hotboy
p.s. if this was a ploy to attract lots of women to your site, it seems to have worked!  

~

Blogger Heather said...

Wow. I'm with Eric on this one.

Applesauce anyone?  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! How many penguin peculiars did they force you to drink before they did this to you, Adolf? Or is it your far more handsome cousin again? Hope this helps when the perverts find this blog. What? They're here already! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Scott & Julia said...

OMG, that is .. WOW .. WHOA .. I don't know what to say .. DAMN! Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Okay? I'm afraid it's the glass of brandy and the revolver for you! Here's the things you've got to stop doing. 1)
This voyeuristic thing. Where folk are always looking at you getting your fruit cropped.
2) There's only one thing. But this is the pits. I think I'll have to tell everyone you're really me. Like, I'm doing this split personality thing (I'm supposed to be able to do stuff like that!)and then you get shot. Or shoot yourself live on the blogosphere. Anyway, more photies of women, please. Goosesteppening fraus!  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

eric and heather - well yes, but it's gone all runny, just the way I like it.  

~

Blogger crallspace said...

You've got gross ballsack veins.  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolph! Zeig! This is God. We don't want to see it. It isn't necessary. It's not funny, and, therefore, not good. The fraulein in the other photie is very nice. Do you think your exploration of the narsicisstic ... you try spelling that after the Old Peculiars. One more time! Narscisstic Development Disorder.. well, hasn't it gone far enough? The story about the bonking in the back of the car with half the world watching was funny, therefore, good. Let's stick with this. Funny, good. Not funny, not good. I can't recommend this blog to your mother when we meet synchronistically in the street tomorrow ... taste? Get rid of it or I'll find her and tell her anonymously to check it out. This is a step too far!! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Madley said...

TEEHEE is right ;)

Fun photo, Happy HNT...  

~

Blogger Sasha said...

hmmm... tasty treat you got there!  

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Blogger *Monica said...

awesome! Happy HNT.  

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Blogger Muse said...

Tasty snack. ;) Cute fruit too. LOL Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Margaret said...

very cool...

peace...  

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Blogger madgirl said...

now *thats* creative :)

and also
yummy :)  

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Blogger Tish said...

Oh my goodness! After seeing your new HNT and the comment about the previous one, I just had to find it. I don't know what to say...other than...DAMN. You just made my HNT! ;)  

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Blogger Michelle said...

I didnt mnd it without the soft focus...lol Some people!! lol It's still very good!

Happy HNT ;)  

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Blogger Chuck said...

Dude, this is a hilarious pic! LOL

HHNT!  

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Blogger Blondie... said...

Well I happen to see all of my favorite food group in one setting! hehe

Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Robyn said...

Great, um, organizational skills hehe. Happy HNT!  

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Blogger Tess said...

Do you always nap with fruit?

Cute pic. Though I think a fresh banana is in order.

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Robin said...

I'm in the mood for a salad and a fruit smoothie. Can you spare a some fruits and veggies?
Happy HNT.  

~

Post a Comment

02 November 2005 at 08:23

weight-gain programme pays off

Lee Ann regularly gets 30 or 40 comments on her posts. How does she do it? By social networking. Well I have discovered the lazy way to get masses of comments, even if you're a social retard like me. Here's what you do. Wait till people have finished commenting on one of your posts, then edit the post. You can change all the content, even the title. Then save the post. The old comments stay attached to it. Then people see your "new" post, and add comments to it. You can repeat this as often as you like, until you reach your desired comment count.

I tried this out on the previous post, and it works well. Sadly, all the new comments were obsessed with ownership of huts. When nobody cares about the post-Sandra syndrome that's afflicting our poor island people, it's a sad commentary on our real-estate-obsessed times.



On a happier note, the results of the weight-gain programme are in. Since I began brewing beer in April, my body mass has increased by more than 150 grams! At this rate, I only need to keep drinking for another 17 years, and I'll be up to my fighting weight! Of course, by then the moral fibre will be too weakened to take advantage of all the admiring glances. And then there's the brewer's droop. Everything balances up in the end.



Weight-gain Programme graduation photo

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Ok Rob....Is that you in the top picture of the tattoo arm and ciggy hanging out of the mouth? Sexy arm (for real...is it yours?) The bottom picture...hmmm, are you in that one? If yes, you must tell me which one you are. ;)  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - to be honest, the first photo is how I see myself. I'll let you know when I actually start to look like that. The second photo is how I might look after I complete the programme.  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

But you're right, when I wear my pantsaclava, I look similar.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

OOOOH! I was trying to pick you out of the lineup in the bottom picture. haha....I had guessed you as the 3rd from the right (5th from the left). He is the one holding his bottle down the furthest!!!!  

~

Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

With respect to the post-Sandra syndrome, I completely agree with you.

Look what its done to your weather. The satellite shows images of:

The PPB on Monday and The PPB on Tuesday!

Hope you're pantaclava is up to it.

MM III  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

What are those "pod-looking" things? Has your weather really turned that cold - that quickly?  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA and MM - I had posted a frightfully witty genius-comment this morning at work, in reply to yours. But the censor software at work seems to have filtered it out and thrown it away, which seems unnecessarily churlish.

The gist of it was that I would need to be holding a firkin (http://webexhibits.org/butter/i/firkin.jpg), even after the sudden global cooling in these parts. Ha ha! A meteorological brewing joke there.

And I saluted MM's powers of observation. He's just the sort of officer you'd want to have on the bridge in a force 10.

PS - those pod things are the fermentation vessels, the intended target of the recently-foiled terrorist raid. I would tell you more, but I've already said too much. It's still hush-hush, at least till they round up the ringleaders.  

~

Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Further satellite images reveal more damage caused by the recent freak weather conditions.

At this site there are some interesting photographs of Heard Island. Including (middle bottom) this one which is surely a carving of the living deity himself - Hotboy?

Is this what the late Nobis was working on, and did it have anything to do with his untimely demise?

Personally, I don't believe in conspiracy theories.

MM III  

~

Blogger Videos by Professor Howdy said...

BAD NEWS:

For in it the righteousness of
God is revealed from faith to
faith; as it is written, "The just
shall live by faith." For the wrath
of God is revealed from heaven
against all ungodliness and
unrighteousness of men, who
suppress the truth in unright -
eousness, because what may
be known of God is manifest
in them, for God has shown
it to them.

For since the creation of the
world His invisible attributes
are clearly seen, being under -
stood by the things that are
made, even His eternal power
and Godhead, so that they are
without excuse, because,
although they knew God,
they did not glorify Him as
God, nor were thankful,
but became futile in their
thoughts, and their foolish
hearts were darkened.

Professing to be wise,
they became fools,
and changed the glory
of the incorruptible
God into an image made
like corruptible man -
and birds and four -
footed animals and
creeping things.

Therefore God
also gave them up
to uncleanness, in
the lusts of their
hearts, to dishonor
their bodies among
themselves, who
exchanged the truth
of God for the lie,
and worshiped and
served the creature
rather than the Creator,
who is blessed forever.
Amen.

For this reason God
gave them up to vile
passions. For even
their women exchanged
the natural use for what
is against nature. Likewise
also the men, leaving the
natural use of the woman,
burned in their lust for one
another, men with men
committing what is shameful,
and receiving in themselves
the penalty of their error which
was due. And even as they
did not like to retain God in
their knowledge, God gave
them over to a debased mind,
to do those things which are
not fitting; being filled with all
unrighteousness, sexual immorality,
wickedness, covetousness,
maliciousness; full of envy,
murder, strife, deceit,
evil-mindedness; they are
whisperers, backbiters,
haters of God, violent,
proud, boasters, inventors
of evil things, disobedient
to parents, undiscerning,
untrustworthy, unloving,
unforgiving, unmerciful;
who, knowing the righteous
judgment of God, that those
who practice such things
are deserving of death,
not only do the same
but also approve of
those who practice them.

We know these laws are
good when they are used
as God intended.

But they were not made
for people who do what
is right. They are for people
who are disobedient and
rebellious, who are ungodly
and sinful, who consider
nothing sacred and defile
what is holy, who murder
their father or mother or
other people.

These laws are for people
who are sexually immoral,
for homosexuals and slave
traders, for liars and oath
breakers, and for those who
do anything else that contradicts
the right teaching

GOOD NEWS:

For the wages of sin is death,
but the gift of God is eternal
life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

***

The United States government
has just released a nation-wide
survey on Americans' private
sexual habits. The NEW YORK
TIMES describes it as disclosing
"surprising numbers for same-sex
activity."

Surprising is the right word, but not
in the way I suspect the NEW YORK
TIMES means.

The study was done by the National
Center for Health Statistics, part of
the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention. Among other statistics,
the study indicates that only about
4 percent of men and women consider
themselves to be homosexual or bisexual.

Indeed, among men ages 18 to 44,
90 percent call themselves heterosexual,
2 percent homosexual, 2 percent bisexual,
and 4 percent something else. Among
women, 86 percent are attracted only
to men, and 10 percent "mostly" to males.

In both cases it is a long way from the 10
percent that the homosexual lobby has
advanced for years. We are told that
homosexual behavior is simply a choice
and that we're bigoted if we do not
believe it to be the norm. But any time
you look at statistics and find less than
10 percent engaging in a particular
activity, it is contrary to the norm.
The norm is what the 90 percent does.

There are profound social consequences
here. If sexual orientation is a choice,
then we're free to choose. But this study
implies that we're wired a certain
way, for heterosexual relationships.

As philosopher J. Budziszewski says,
there are some things we "can't not
know."

One of those things is that we're
biologically made a certain way:
males one way and females another.
That's the way the world works,
and it's the only natural way to
conceive children.

And when you go against the way
the world is made, you're going
against the grain of the universe.
And no amount of propaganda
or clever marketing, which is
what it is, can change the
unalterable facts of the natural
moral order.

It's time we recognize that and
stop being bullied by special interests.

But whether we should have spent
the money this way or not, we do
now have the report. It does show
us something that needs to be
understood in American life.
It has a profound impact on the
political and cultural debates of
our day in ways that I'm sure does
indeed surprise the staff of the
NEW YORK TIMES.
 

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

MM - it is as you say. The carving is of the holy scribe. Let us not blaspheme against him.  

~

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