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29 September 2005 at 09:12

unheard of island security

I had a comment from Da NRA, who would be a great recruit to our bunker here on the UnHeard Of Islands when the jihad or the flu pandemic takes off in the northern hemisphere.

Da NRA has a firearms licence (not that we'd be worrying about such niceties in a global crisis). More importantly, he has a firearm. And he understands about practical military matters. Hotboy's background in academic history makes him a master of strategy but not very practical. But working together, what a combination they'd make!

And if Lee Ann comes on board, her diplomatic and ethical talents would keep us on the right side of international law. I could rely on her to rein in my own tendency to authoritarian sentimentality. I have to remember the basics - penguins are cannon fodder, not playthings. For deployment on the beach as feathered blast absorbers.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

I'm in! Yes, count me in! You guys better save me a spot on the island. Aw, we can't play with the penguins? They are so cute.
Ya know, I was just standing outside on my balcony, just looking at the night. As I was looking out into the distant rolling hills, I was wondering what it would be like to be standing in your spot at that very moment. Then I thought the same about where Hotboy is. I know what you are thinking, how strange I must be. :)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! When the convicts tried to walk from Tasmania to China (and freedom), they ended up eating each other. The guy with the knife finally fell asleep and the other survivor killed him and ate him. If the penguins run away, I'd be worried about who gets to hold the gun. I think it should be me, King Hotboy. Also, I'm a vegetarian. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Lee Ann: Don't worry about being strange. There will be stranger beings on this island than you, most probably! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA - question 1 on the entry visa application form is - "are you now or have you ever been strange?" That way, we weed out all the normal people before they come ashore.

If you're willing to take on the job of Attorney General, you can do what you like with the penguins and hush it all up afterwards.

HB - Those poor hikers - did you know that the jokers who told them about the track to China, were Irish rebels? You're part Irish troublemaker. I rest my case. Da NRA keeps the gun. You can be figurehead monarch. Don't worry about food, the island has all-you-can-eat seaweed.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Milarepa, the great Tibetan saint, lived on nettles for a while and turned green. If I eat nothing but seaweed, what colour would I go? If the NRA guy turns out to be ... well, like you might expect, might I not get shot? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Glad to know about question 1. Makes me feel much better. I can't wait to see the penguins.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

The penguin - 17th row, 4th from left - looks familiar. Is that Hotboy?

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hotboy....what are you doing there in that picture? Menzies said that is you!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - it's a fair question.  

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Anonymous Darksky Alaskan Malamutes said...

Thanks for that, it's great to see a slightly different persepective on the topic.
BTW have you seen my new pup from Darksky Alaskan Malamutes? He's really a great pup.
Have a great day

George  

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Anonymous Guitar Master said...

I wish I could blog as good as you, but what I can do is give you a nice Guitar Lesson!  

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27 September 2005 at 08:20

shared interests across the great divide

Lee Ann was asking whether Hotboy and I have met before. Yes, at university we met through our shared interest in recreational brain damage.

We have remained friends for decades, despite being born on opposite sides of the tracks. I am from the privileged side of town, and I still feel guilty about being sent at age 2 to spend a year away from my family, in post-war Germany, where I had the mind-broadening opportunity to sample reconstruction cuisine. Amazing dishes created from sour milk, soap and seaweed.

On returning to Scotland, everything was handed to me on a plate - the social stigma involved in growing up half-German in post-war Britain, and the luxury of regular character-building beatings by parents, teachers, and school prefects. I was mauled by only the best breeds of upper-class dog.



In the playground I was a popular child, during war games when they needed someone to be ritually machine-gunned and called a "dirty Gerry."

Yes, I had it easy compared with poor Hotboy, who endured a childhood in a large, loving and well-adjusted family. It is to his credit that he doesn't let envy spoil our friendship.

Now we live on different sides of the world, but we still share interests. Like working only minimum hours in a regular job, and devoting the rest of the time to cheap and useful forms of brain damage. Mostly brewing and blissology.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

That is interesting! So great that you two have remained friends all of this time. I am confused as to where both of you live. I thought you are in Scotland, is he not in Scotland as well?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA - good question, I even get confused myself sometimes. Hotboy lives in Edinburgh where the winter's freezing, that's why he has to spend his time generating heat. He once spent a year in Australia until they asked him to leave.

I escaped from Scotland to Australia, before basing myself in the UnHeard Of & McDonald Islands. Hotboy sometimes uses astral travel to visit here, I don't really understand how that works, he can explain all the buddhist technology.

I think that's the truth. Did you say you're in Birmingham Alabama? There used to be protests there, they should organise a demonstration against the supermarket queue abusers. ;-)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Did the doggy always stare at you like that? No wonder you turned out the way you did! That's enough to make anyone a bit strange. Still, you'd expect a doberman or an alsation, so it could have been worse. Hope this is helpful. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Yes, I am in Birmingham, Alabama. The protests you are referring to were 1955 - 1965....civil rights. I was born in Iowa. I have also lived in Texas, New Jersey and Florida. Birmingham is beautiful, I will have to post a picture sometime. I would love to experience a new place...who knows, right?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Lee Ann: The Unheard of and McDonald Islands are very nice. I am king of half of the Island and may take over the other half if I can get my penguins organised. We have a volcano so the folk who can't generate inner heat can keep warm in the bad weather. You could stay on Adolf's half of the island since he gets lonely due to not understanding emptiness. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I have just looked at samsaramom's blog. Then at the photie of you being toilet trained. I was right!! Didn't think I was, but I am. What age are you being toilet trained at? One and a half!! Dogs staring at you and that! I'm surprised the fourth Reich didn't happen. Ask your maw the next time you see her what she was playing at. This must help, Adolf, because it's not your fault! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I've asked Samsaramom to guess the age of the kid in the photie of the potty training. She'll have a better idea of the age since you forget with kids when you're not there. Hope she responds. This will definitely help. I offered once to tie Brian Wilson to a post on the allotment with no toilet facilities to help him. It would help you too! Do you have a great sense of smell? I bet you do. I can't smell anything much. Sure sign nobody cared about shit in my hoose. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

There you go HB, cracking me up again. Thank you for the invitation of staying on the "other" side of your island. Sounds really cold there. I am glad I have a fireplace here, so I won't have that problem :) I don't have an island to offer, but you can come sit by my fireplace! :)  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA/HB, I haven't time right now to respond to all these comments, as I first have to research some more material on potty experiences with sniffer dogs.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Just out of curiosity, is the author of this Open Taxt blog on the left, or the right, of that photo?

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

MM - that's not such a silly question. If you asked my parents, they wouldn't know the difference, except that one of them was a fast learner.  

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26 September 2005 at 11:59

reprieve

Just back from seeing the head specialist, a cheery chap not long out of short trousers. He spent 5 minutes palpating me (not as much fun as it sounds) and pronounced me fit to pay him $150.

Afterwards at the bus-stop, I celebrated by standing downwind of a smoker and inhaling deeply. What a fortunate creature I am!

The dog was less fortunate. I took her to the vet again, and on the way we walked down the steps beside the butcher's shop, just as they were cleaning up for the day. The butcher hopped out and threw a bucket of chlorine down the steps after us, splashing her bum and freaking her out. She panicked and ran head first into a bin. That should cure her fascination with butcher shops.

I forgot to explain about the boxing photo on the previous post. The other guy is my brother. We had 2 pairs of gloves and an adjustable punchball. I used to set the ball high, to practice defending myself against bullies. My brother used to set the ball extra low, to practice beating up little guys. He became school boxing champion, and I joined the school shooting team, because you could smoke under cover of all the gunpowder smells.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Is this the bone man? Can you now withstand a right hook to the jaw? Have you still got the boxing gloves anyway? Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am glad all went well at the doctor. That is good news. Sorry for the puppy get splashed!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

This whole post has changed since the last time I read it. Or maybe just me. Hmmm. After watching Martin Scorcese doing the inimitable Bob Dylan movie, I returned. Different person, different post. What is post-modernism then, Adolf? Does it involve interaction and change. You have to tell us, but I paid no attention to all that philosophical stuff after the definition of existentialism changed my life.
I'm going to devote my next post to you because I could also see the jaw naked and pulsating with pain. Didn't Sigmund (Anyone who offers mankind liberation from the tyranny of sex shall be hailed a hero, let him talk whatever nonsense he chooses)(or a close approximation) also have a sore jaw. Both Austrians. Sigmund and Adolf. More hmmms. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - at least as helpful as all your other comments. And I salute your powers of observation. I'm not sure about the blog etiquette around organic posts.

Is that the new 3-hour Dylan movie? It looks like fun.

Re the right hook to the jaw. I was considering having a busines card printed, which I could hand out to would-be assailants in pubs. "The bearer of this card will die in the event of a punch to the head. To avoid a charge of manslaughter, please hit him on the body." What do you think? Obviously it would be preferable if I carried a gun, but I don't want to aggravate my tinnitus.

LA - you were asking whether HB and I have met before. I'll explain in a post.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I suggest the card should read "Hit me please. I want to die." Or, "I've just been dug up." They'd believe that. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Post a Comment

25 September 2005 at 12:04

animals

A rabid discussion has descended on Lee Ann's place. Probably the same people who didn't stay to clear up the mess after her birthday party.

They are comparing a certain class of offender to animals. I have invited some of the more extreme critics of penguin-love to visit this blog. Anything to boost my profile.

Like Barry Graham, I would challenge them to a boxing match, but I've seen the trailers for Cinderella Man, and I don't think I could handle myself in the ring. Or out of it.


Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wooo, Robmcj, you are right. It seems a little heated at the castle tonight! I popped over to take a look at the penguins :) That picture of the two little boys, is one of them you? They are cute. Hope things are going well for you. I haven't heard from Hotboy lately, I saw he is busy with his daughter. Do you and Hotboy know each other outside of bloggerworld?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I'm sure you'd be great in the boxing ring. You've got the right idea from the photie. Fight folk smaller than you. That's the way to go!! But I think you should probably take off your glasses in case the opponents get any bigger.
Lee Ann: I met Adolf in the jail when he was in for that thing with the penguins. It's all coming out now in bloggyland as you can see. Hope this helps. It's getting a bit hot here as well today. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

HB ~ Ah, I must know more about the penguins. What were you doing in the jail?  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Lee Ann: In the jail the best thing to do is get into solitary and get into ra bliss. They give you food regularly and you can stand on your head as much as you like. It's the perfect place for sitting quietly doing nothing. To get back there I'd have to do something bad and that's the problem. The last time I was there for breaching the peace. That means not being nice to the polis when they have apprehended your pal and you want to get him escaped. I counted the tiles on the wall. They gave me white bread with a fried egg and no butter. Tea and no milk or sugar. For breakfast. What happy days! Oh, how I wish I could go back with what I know now. Adolf marched up and down outside shouting about libensraum. What days! Thank god for having a past to blog about! I've got tons of jail stories. Do you want another one? Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB and LA - I can't comment fully right now, as I'm catching the bus to the head surgeon, but let me just say - if the jihad or the flu pandemic takes off in the UK and USA, you are both welcome to weather the storm on the UnHeard Of Islands. If it's the flu, you may need to start off in a tent in the garden. If it's the jihad, you'll be welcome indoors, especially as we'll need a sentry on every window.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - about the peace and quiet on the jail. Have you forgotten all the screaming, the tattooed homosexual rapists, the beatings from the self-righteous penguin sympathisers?  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

HB and Robmcj, you two keep me laughing! Robmcj, thank you for the offer, I will be over if we have those problems you spoke of. HB, anytime you want to tell your stories, I will be glad to hear them.  

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24 September 2005 at 18:23

california dream

I was asked to post some more holiday snaps. This picture is from my trip in a hire car from San Francisco to L.A.

As you can see, I wasn't driving. I had injured my toe on some coral while swimming. I didn't want to pay for a U.S. doctor, so I just let it fester. I still have the coral in my toe as a souvenir.



The driver was a young guy I met at the hostel in S.F.

The mountain road started to wind charmingly downhill. The guidebook says "The twisting two-lane highway ... clings tenaciously to steep rock cliffs."

The guy behind the wheel got a bit nervous. I asked what was wrong, and he explained he had never driven on mountain roads before. I wondered what the big deal was. Sure, there was a sheer drop at the edge of the road, but with careful driving there was nothing to fear.

As the bends got tighter and the road steeper, the car went faster and faster. In those days I was very polite, so I began saying, in a measured tone to disguise my own rising panic, "perhaps it would be an idea to brake on this curve" ... "you might like to brake here". He explained to me, quite seriously, that he only recently passed his test and had never really mastered how to use brakes.

As we gathered even more speed and started to slide into the curves, he was wrestling with the wheel and I was screaming at him: "just step on the effing brake" ... "stop the effing car" etc.

It was as if he was deaf. It was like some kind of psycho movie. He should never have been allowed to drive. I could have driven better with a septic toe. If he's still alive today, he must have mastered the footbrake in the meantime.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! What year was that? I might have passed you going in the opposite direction. I was on Highway 1 (that's the coast road, isn't it?) going from LA to San Franscisco in 1980, I think. Got my photie taken with a statue of John Steinbeck in Monterey. Couldn't buy a book though. Irony, thought I. They don't do much irony there, I've heard! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Heather said...

Nice nailbed!

oooohhhh


aaaahhhh!

H  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Just been looking at Lee Ann's blog. What to do with child molesters is too difficult for me, but it sounds as if you're somewhat unnaturally attracted to the penguins. I was going to find a colony of emperor penguins so I could go right in and huddle in the middle of the masses all winter. Not to sure about my motives now. Fancying the naked mannequins in dress shop windows was the worst I ever got! I'm very confused now. Do you think you could help? Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - 1990. Wanting to rub up against penguins is perfectly natural, as well as being environmentally sound. No greenhouse effect. I hope this helps.

H - my perfect feet do have that effect on some people. It's the rest of me that turns people off.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I was hoping for some visits from the crazed lynch mob. Do you have any contacts in those circles? You know, people who think it's OK to slaughter seal pups but not to seduce them.  

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Blogger Ray said...

hilarious

reminds me of the panic attack i had on broadway when i still just had my permit

i thought swerving was better than braking and sideswiped somebody, it was a good learning experience  

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23 September 2005 at 18:43

constitutional crisis

"King" Hotboy has declared himself ruler of his end of the island, while I was overseas on a state visit to Australia. I was opening a new wing of poker machines at the North Ryde RSL. Displaying the common touch.

If the islanders were looking for a King Penguin, they'd choose someone with a few molecules of Prussian royalty in the blood. Someone of regal bearing, with experience in world leading.





In Tennessee, Barry Graham has challenged the redneck sheriff to a boxing match. Hasn't Barry heard of running away? It seems he's missing the gene for cowardice.

I normally get my dose of terror in the doctor's surgery, but that may be ruled out next week, if my health continues to improve thanks to these herbal health drinks.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! God in dammerung! Thank Got dem health drinks are doing the trick! I've just given them up on discovering that they were putting alcohol in them over at this end, thus inhibiting ra bliss! If you can answer the Schlewig Holstein question, I may postpone the invasion since now that I'm off the piss, it'll be into the long ships for me.Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

If those herbal health drinks are helping, drink up!  

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22 September 2005 at 15:29

party time

There's a birthday party at Castle of Nanbugg, if you hurry you might just squeeze in the door before the Blues Healer runs out. Kelly Clarkson's there already, signing photographs of her dad.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Apropos of nothing, you'll be pleased to know that Prince William, newly graduated with a 2:1 from St Andrews (Aye, right!) has been made the President of the Football Association. Competitive interview? I'm so pleased to be living in the Unheard of Island when I read things like that. I only assume your part of the island is republican, or do you wear a crown to breakfast? Hope this helps. Hotboy.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say, Hotboy...the young lad has done rather well for himself after a dodgy start and some bad choices in fancy dress apparel.

Presumably he has a lot of experience of the footers industry.

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Robmcj ~ You are awesome to send out the birthday party invitations. Thank you! Only wish you all of you could really be here!
Oh, HB ~ Prince William is another hotboy! =)  

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21 September 2005 at 16:11

unheard of beauty

I thought I had an essentially happy life, until the whining black dog came to my door last week, chewing an irradiated bone.

For some years, I had been congratulating myself on my achievement. After a lifetime of experimentation, I had hit upon the ideal levels of exercise/homebrew/Somaloft, combined with a careful reduction in the quantity and quality of my working life. I had found the formula for the optimal steady state of contentment. Like the guy in American Beauty. UnHeard Of Beauty.

I had even started looking to the future, wondering whether I should perhaps start building a pension for my retirement. Thank goodness I've had a wake-up call just in time to save me from financial responsibility.

It's 3 in the afternoon. I started on the Blues Healer a bit early today. Normally I insist on waiting till 4pm before opening a bottle, you have to set some sort of standards.

I knew an alcoholic who kept drink in her house but never drank alone, because then she would have felt like an alcoholic. Instead, she went to the pub all night every night. Social drinking, you see, doesn't count. Neither does drinking while you blog. I learned that much from RaBeerBlog.

Blogger hotboy said...

The Irish like to drink and so do the Scots! And so do the Germans. In fact, it's their fault since they make such wonderful bottled beer. Even on the Unheard of Island they make beer! But there's no alcohol in yours, is there, Adolf?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

It's still not ready to bottle, but I think you're going to like it - 5% alcohol, and made the German way, with masses of extra malt but no sugar  

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Blogger hotboy said...

The great thing about the Unheard of Island is the wonderful sky. And the wonderful beer and the homegrown grass. Have a skinful and a toke and lie in the garden staring up at the sky. Are there not fifteen billion galaxies in the known universe? You'd be able to see past the beginning of time when your granny was a light beam. You would! I'm telling you. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

hmmmm....I want to try one! That sounds interesting. I am not much of a drinker (not to say I haven't done my share)but it sounds interesting. Have one for me!  

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Post a Comment

18 September 2005 at 20:39

grey cloud with a pink and green lining

Hotboy has suggested I blog some of this stuff, he was probably kidding but here goes anyway. Don't read this on a full stomach.

I should really have read my tea-leaves a week ago. It's been a tough week, what with the dog's fur falling out, and my visits to the dentist and doctor, and it's not over yet.

When things are going well, I have a wonderful life with the various beings I live with and love. When things are going badly for me, experience shows that it's best to rely on myself. Fortunately, I have had 20 years' practice in self-support.

Twenty years ago I had cancer, then surgery and radiation to my head and neck. A big success, though I'll never be a film star now. Last week I got a minor infection in my jaw, a typical delayed complication of radio-so-called-therapy. So far, my only symptoms are like mild flu, plus difficulty in talking (a bit of a challenge when you're a teacher, the Scottish accent is already bad enough).

The last time I had it was about 6 years ago: fixing the problem took 9 months on antibiotics, 6 weeks of daily oxygen therapy in a diving chamber, and I'd to get some teeth pulled. And I was one of the lucky ones! In some people the condition can turn nasty and eat half your face away, leaving a permanently-exposed and infected jawbone, with lifelong pain (if you survive). Naturally I'm planning not to be one of those cases if I can help it.

Whenever I'm in the middle of a health scare, I find it helps if you read a book about someone triumphing over adversity. The book that usually does it for me is The Great Siege: Malta 1565. It's a historical account of the Christian Knights' defence, of the island of Malta, against the forces of the Turkish Empire. The odds didn't look good on paper: 600 Knights against 40,000 Turkish troops.



There's an old painting of the siege.

The book is a great adventure story, but because it's about Crusaders and Muslims, it's not something you'd want to give George Bush for Christmas, it would only encourage him. Guy Ritchie was planning a film of the story, with a starring role for Madonna, but that project seems to have been shelved before filming even began. Probably a wise decision given certain world events.

Last night, instead of the Malta book, I read Barry Graham's "Of Darkness And Light", which I downloaded from his website.

I didn't want to read it at the PC, so I fired up my old stone-age PDA and downloaded it to there. Then I read it in bed till I fell asleep. What a great wee book. It is set in my spiritual home, the West End of Glasgow. And the hero overcomes some fairly chilling odds.



When I woke in the night, I was thinking clearly about my current health problem. I was able to side-step my fears, and work out an action plan for next week - who to see, what to ask for, etc. Feeling powerless and ignorant is one of the worst parts of a health scare, so making a plan and doing the research helps work off the fear.

This morning I decided to take a break from the heebie-jeebies. After a double dose of japanese green tea, I strode out with the dog for a brisk walk through the forest chill, shedding clothes into my backpack along the way as I warmed up. On the discman I played The Land Of Grey And Pink, which I listen to once in a while, it's been in my blood for about 30 years. Marching music for superannuated hippies - I could have walked for ever. If you've never heard it, it's lovingly-made English 70s art-rock jazz, with a cheesy keyboard sound - a bit like the Doors' organ sound but with double cheese. I love it!

We got back an hour later just as the CD finished - the dog knackered and me singing and warm. At last something had gone well. As someone once said: what a fortunate creature I am!





Update: Yesterday at work, all the cheery people were on holiday, and I felt near tears most of the morning. Then in the afternoon I taught my "differently abled" class, and had a lot of fun. Well, part of the fun for me was that they were doing the exam and I wasn't. In between helping them I was able to get on with some blogging.

The appointment with the specialist is on Monday, but in the meantime things are looking up. I think I might get away with cheating the Grim Reaper one morte time. Just as well! I've got a whole barrel of chocolate mahogany porter ready for bottling today.



After I do the bottling, I'll start off the next brew right away, Spicy Ghost Draught. The label says it's "wheat inspired".



It's a busy life, looking after your own needs.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow! Amazing! You are a tough, strong person. Attitude in life plays a big part on how you can recover from an illness. Don't let stress in, be strong and get through it. You now have new friends that are here for you too!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Sometimes when things aren't going too well for me, I try to remember that I'm not who I think I am and it's not happening to me the way I think it is. This is dead logical, but usually doesn't help at all! Hotboy p.s. I'm also the worst ill person ever!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I tried to cure a sore finger with this once. You concentrate on the spot, breathe in, hold it a wee bit, and breathe out, saying heal to yourself. Or you can imagine all those wee things that cure stuff (white blood cells?)gathering round the spot and then breathe out, and make it go white and say heal. Or something like that. Variations on a theme. It might not work, but it would give you something to do! Will you have to wear underpants on your head again? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA - Thanks for reading all that, and for the reaction. It's not something I normally talk about.

HB - A guy on TV was saying he has a sign on his bedroom wall - "it's not about me." Yes, I had forgotten I used to do all that breathey/imagey stuff all those years ago.

Curing the sore finger - I actually could do with a sore finger, to take my mind off other things.

But the outlook is not as bad as I made out in that post, while I was overselfmedicated. The antibiotics and other stuff seem to have actually helped, and I'm gambling that on Monday the specialist will say: go away and don't waste my time. In the meantime, I might try some .. well not exactly bliss, let's just call it anti-stress measures, and not the bottled kind.

The underpant thing is seasonal, so until next winter I can go back to wearing them normally.  

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at 20:34

world travel

I was asked to post some holiday snaps. This is a picture of my visit to Perth, W.A.

As you can see, there was a heatwave at the time, but luckily my hosts had a backyard pool where we could keep cool.





On hot evenings, we would put the table and chairs in the pool, and eat dinner there. Who said Australians aren't civilised?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! What a wonderful city Perth is! Fabulously cheap beer as well. Oh, it brings it all back. Perfect place to drink Victoria Bitter! Great people to drink it with as well. The cooling breeze is called the Doctor, isn't it? Hope this wind helped you! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I love that idea ~ sitting in the pool while eating dinner! That is a "cool" picture...no pun intended :)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Is it true that West Australia was the only bit of Oz not colonised by convicts, such as the Irish revolutionaries, and my chums the thieves on the bourgois?(Can you spell that one, Adolf?)Is it the only place where being a whore is illegal, except Kalgoorlie? Wonderful place Australia. The best place! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Dear Robmcj,

Your photographs are very impressive.

I completed the airport run this morning to collect the Sundays and deliver them to participating residents of Kalimbuka.

We actually refer to these newspapers as the 'Smundays' because they arrive a day late.

Well, to cut a long story short, there's an item in the Sunday Times about penguins, in the context of the film 'March of the Penguins' which has apparently taken much of the USA by storm.

Being a UK newspaper, the item's focus is, naturally, on the sexual tendencies of penguins.

It claims that quite a high percentage of penguins are either gay or bi-sexual.

I was just wondering if your experience on the UnHeard of Islands can confirm this?

MM III  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Excuse me!! The Penguins are normal here on the Unheard of Island! Perfectly normal. If skinny dipping is normal, they're ever more normal. But sometimes they have to squeeze up close due to the inclement weather. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

LA - puns creep up on me all the time too.

HB - What can we do about it? You're the wordsmith.

MM - on the UnHeard OF Islands, many penguins are quite tolerant of bestiality. Allegedly. To hotboy that counts as normal.

HB - bourgeois or bourgeoisie. I hope that helps.

HB - history isn't my strong point. Except concerning the 3rd Reich. They have whores in Hamburg, if that's any help.  

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Post a Comment

15 September 2005 at 09:12

not wanking but drowning

Usually, my father wasn't keen on passing on his skills and wisdom to me. Okay, he did take the time to teach me how to salute, but that was just so that I could salute him.

The only other thing he taught me was this:



HIM: That thing you were doing in the bath last night, you've got to stop doing that.

ME: What thing?

HIM: Don't act smart, you know what I'm talking about.

ME: But I was just playing with the water ...

HIM: Look, I'm ordering you, stop it. It'll turn you blind and give you mental children.







This is me saluting. I'm sorry I don't have a photo of me wanking.





I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

- Stevie Smith's 1957 poem.

Blogger hotboy said...

Not waving, but drowning? How does that work? I wrote that into Light in the Dark. Who is Stevie Smith? I've heard the name, but I never got into po-ums. If you read it, Adolf, I'll let you pick the new name since Light in the Dark is crap as a name. Dearie me. This is a heavy post. I'll surf the blogosphere and definitely get back to you on this fuhrer thing, and this spelling thing. I could spell before I took up this. I could. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Dialogue doctor: Before I gave it up, I was alright at writing dialogue. The dialogue is good up till the word mental. We know it, Adolf, but they don't. We're mental, we're crazy, we're aff oor something heids!! Almost a touch of the poetic working class here. Hotboy.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Before I go: My old man was a fung saint. YOu're old man was a basturn. My old man died and all his possessions, apart from his asthmatic puffer thing, were kept in a shoe box. Because of your old man, are you not able to live in the lap of luxury? Don't the middle class do that? Just ensure that the money passes on. All the feeling is just sentimental nonsense. Zeig! Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My Dear Robmcj,

It took me two months to get Cabbage to stop saluting me when he reported for work each morning. Old colonial habits die hard.

What's the weather like in Nookie Island just now?

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I take it you're referring to the line " 'Was it waving or drowning?' said Yuktesbava with a laugh." Even way back then you were a pioneer of postmodernising (a.k.a. plagiarising).

Which particular Fuhrer thing is that?

Re the dialogue. You're right, I couldn't remember the excat wording he used at the end, so I made it up. And you spotted it. Can we workshop a solution? I think he actually said something like "you'll have mentally defective children." Does that sound more authentic?

However, if we're now mental, wouldn't that prove that my father was right?

MM - Who taught Cabbage the saluting thing to start with? The weather is actually fine. I heard the long-range weather forecast just this afternoon on the radio, and the guy said "there's a 50/50 chance of above-average temperatures." Truly.

Hotboy may want to critique the dialogue. It's the statistical logic I like.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Glad you didn't drown! You are not blind either, are you? :)  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Dear Robmcj,

Cabbage probably picked it up from the police, who line the streets and salute the President when he passes in his pink Rolls.

Things are far more formal in these parts, you know.

MM III  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf:
Dialogue coaching: 'It'll turn you blind and you won't be able to find anyone else to pull it for you!Ever!'
Haven't lost it, no way!
I'm impressed that you've actually read Light in the Dark.
Fuhrer thing: All that goosestepping and saluting! Father. Fatherland. Zeig heil! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - Thanks, now I understand. I had always thought of Tschermany as a mother thing, but now I see what you mean. It doesn't help, though.

The book - I'll read anything that's free, unless it's full of Jabberwocky nomenclature.

MM - I reckon freelance saluting could be the next big thing. Can we develop a range of saluting accessories, for marketing along with the books, tshirts and pet bereavement?

LA - After reading that great post at your place, about a code for living, I'm almost embarrassed to receive you here in these humble surroundings. It's always nice when you stop by to say hello.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Can you recommend anything for the 'new-fangled-headphones-that-don't-go-over- your-head,-but-rather-round-the-back-of-your-head-and-which-unfortunatly-subsequently-start-to-slip-down-your-neck-in-the-middle-of-a-vital-track' ?

Nice thought, but I don't really think there's a commercial opportunity from salutations.

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

MM - Hotboy's the boy to ask about the 'phones, he keeps up with trends in teenage apparatus, tshirts and the like, and.

I gather he comes into regular contact with youngsters via his headstand classes.

I use regular headphones myself, having no wish to appear MDL (Mutton Dressed as Lamb).  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Robmcj, You are too nice! I love coming to visit here!  

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Blogger Eric said...

It's my thingie and I can wash it for as long as I like...  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Eric - why didn't I think of saying that? Actually, I know why. It would have earned me a smack round the ear.  

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Post a Comment

13 September 2005 at 13:21

la salle a mange

Every Saturday morning for the last few years, there are 4 of us who take our 2 dogs for a brisk walk around the bay. It takes about an hour and everyone enjoys it.







I'm not one to bitch or complain. But. A few weeks ago, it was suggested that we mess with the formula, and change the route, to go past the Dog Cafe.

Now, the dog cafe is a nice idea until you think it through. cafe bonesSure, you sip Cappuccino in the sun, and you can buy your dogs a Pupaccino, a drink made with liquified liver or something. But some days there are about 50 dogs at the cafe, and the only way the humans can relax and chat, is by trying to ignore the yelps, growls and dogfights around their ankles.

I don't enjoy drinking my coffee in the middle of a dog circus. In fact I'd rather drink green tea somewhere sane. But I'm always flexible and accommodating, so I go along with the majority, and we start this new Saturday routine, ending with a coffee at the dog cafe.

Well I should have remembered - every time I ignore my gut instinct and go along with others, it all goes wrong.

My dog is now infected with canine scabies, a.k.a. mange, from one of the other dogs there. She used to be the most beautiful dog, now suddenly she's a threadbare fleabag. The treatment takes ages and costs hundreds.

mange
Let that be a lesson to me - I should stop being so accommodating; I need to remember that what's best for me is also best for my dog. What do you think?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! The Pet Bereavement Counselling Service with a straight spirit guide to the Happy Hunting Ground .... do you think it would go down with dog owners? I know budgie owners would go for it! As my agent in the Southern Hemisphere, you may be asked to hand out flyers to folk in the cafe with old dogs. You could also sneak something into the Pupaccino to help business along! Hoping to get rich quick! Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Recommend a dab of gentian violet. Don't drink too much of it though - look what it did to Hotboy.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Oh my goodness! Poor puppy. I hope he is better soon.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

HB - good idea. Diversify our portfolio of interests. Could you take care of formulating the Puppacino additive? I'm sending you a pound to cover my share of the ingredients.

MM - is that what they put in pink gin? I've heard that's Hotboy's favourite tipple.

LA - thanks, it'll clear up eventually, so long as I pay the vet bills, and if I can keep hotboy away from the feed bowl.  

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Blogger Alec McClochendichter said...

This is getting interesting.  

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Post a Comment

11 September 2005 at 15:09

what my friends did on their holidays

When I said that I only have 2 friends in the southern hemisphere, it wasn't true. I have 2 and a half.

But in the northern hemisphere, I have many dear friends I have known since I was very young. None of them are conventional people. Thank goodness.

Seb, seen below wearing a mask, once spent a whole vacation at a government centre where they do research on the common cold virus. The deal was: they infect you with the virus, then all you do is spend a week in a room watching TV and reading books, while they measure your temperature, etc.. I don't think he even got paid for it, except for free Kleenex.



Another friend once checked himself into a pharmaceutical testing centre where they paid him good money to let them test new drugs on him. After 2 weeks swallowing pills and being injected with various cocktails, he had earned enough money to buy heaps more drugs.

He had found his calling. He became a freelance drug tester, publishing the long-term findings in the form of cryptic buddhist writings.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! I didn't know you were on first name terms with a wrathful deity, for this is he! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

This idea of linking to yourself have completely enthused me. All I have to do is read the posts or ... how meticulous. You're a German blogger. I'm a Russian. c.f. Prince Kropotkin and how they left Moscow for the country dachas! Hope this helps, but you've got to have read Kropotkin's autobiography, so it probably won't!  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say old bean - one shouldn't mess around with the old juju masks. Keep them on the wall, next to the kudu horns. Scares the devil out of any potential criminals.

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

That mask is scary! Your friends had pretty bold job opportunities!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Yes, since I posted the mask picture, my life has fallen apart here, with expensive visits to the doctor and dentist, and now the dog's got mange so that means a trip to the vet and another bill.

I may have to remove the photo, and hope that the juju's reversible.

I never realised blogging would be so dangerous and expensive.  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I get Doviko to take the dogs to be dipped once a week. Recommend it. They'd be covered in ticks otherwise.

Casper was once chasing a criminal from the garden when he felt the need to stop and scratch the ticks on his side.

"A dip a week keeps the ticks away" is what I say.

MM III  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

here's a rather biger mask for you.

MM III  

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Blogger jiri said...

Hey, I have enjoyed...your blog is informative - even entertaining.

I have a halloween sites. They pretty much covers costumes and masks related stuff.

Thanks again and I'll be sure to bookmark you.  

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Post a Comment

08 September 2005 at 09:57

toilet training

It has been suggested that all my problems stem from my parents' abusive toilet training techniques when I was a baby.

As the photo shows, my toilet time was actually blissful, the happiest part of my day. Still is. Nothing wrong with that.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Such a cute little baby, you were! Really glad you enjoy that so much. hehehe  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Put a bubble over the kid's head, saying, You're not getting it!Anal retention, Adolf. Anal retention. Also , why are you surrounded by a white towel? Also, was there a flash in the camera just to further freak you out?! Severe calvinist German toilet training at its worst!! Hope this helps. Hotboy p.s you could try regression to this time in your life and find out for sure.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Thanks Hotboy, as usual you find a new angle. I had never noticed the white towel. It was clearly intended to freak me out - "if you put one stain on that towel you'll get battered."

But notice there was no flash used. Natural light only. It was unlike them to miss another torture technique.

For the benefit of myself and other readers, can you explain your theory of anal retention? Is it related to bliss?

By the way, I thought I was regressing.

Lee ann, my female acquaintances tell me that all babies are cute. So what you're saying is I'm just like everyone else. No-one's ever said that before, especially not hotboy. Thank you.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Anal retention is totally related to ra bliss! Purification imaging involves expelling faeces and urine from your body and imagining them falling towards the bliss dragon as a smaller and smaller black ball. Then the bliss dragon consumes the black ball and you are very high in the air! How to get high in the air even if you're on the ground. Of course, you can use scorpions and snakes instead of crap, but you've got to expel it and leave yourself an empty, glowing light filled cell. So yes, anal retention and ra bliss are intricately connected, but do not despair. We all have to overcome the basturns in one way or other. Having the 3rd Reich on your back will give you special problems of course. Hope this helps. Probably won't. Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Anal retention is clinging and craving of the worst order. Middle class women circa 1951 wanted to read the Peoples Friend. And have nice three piece suites. Crapping was offensive. In the far off Irish bogland, the wanes were sat in the ashes by the fire, breathed on by cows, and if the lived past five became like my brother Silvest: Row of forty medals on his chest. Big chest.Thus, the white towel. Dearie me. Protestants, middle class and Germans as well. You've done well, Adolf, to get as far as you have! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

You can't be full of crap and still empty. Surely not. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Hotboy, impressive! Who would have thought you'd have so much to contribute about crap.

I understand what you say about imagining your faeces splattering all over the place. But I'm still wondering what you yourself do while you're sitting in bliss for 5 hours. Do you come out of your trance at the end, and find yourself in a smelly heap?

Then I lost you at the finish - the connection between your much-decorated brother, and my white towel. Do you see it as your military hero versus my symbolic white flag of surrender?

I think further clarification is called for. Let me know if I can do anything to help.

PS Thanks for the commendation on my achievement, in getting as far away from Scotland as possible. My retentive skills helped me overcome the backwash by clinging to rocks. I know you tried it and got sucked back after a year. And look what happened to poor Nobis, he only made it half-way back.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

The connection between the white towel and my brother Silvest requires a lateral thought beyond me just now.
After three is four. Is this the Fourth Reich? The European Union. Do you think that is a papist conspiracy.
I cannot give you the passwords because you'd correct all my spelling mistakes and bad grammar!
Here's a cure for constipation! Breathe out completely. Suck up everything till it's all going under your ribs. Then push it out and take a big breath. Hope this helps! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

I can only sit for an hour at most in a lotus and then I've got to move due to the agony. Can't wait till I die and enter the formless realms. Then I won't have to bother about my legs or the eliminations and can continually investigate ra bliss, non-stop. Hotboy  

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Post a Comment

07 September 2005 at 18:07

autobiographies

I've finished reading Kenneth Williams' diaries. I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but he takes an overdose on page 802. Fancy ending a diary like that!

Now I'm reading Barry Humphries' (a.k.a. Dame Edna) autobiography. In his younger days he used to arrange stunts to challenge people's notions of normality. One of his favourite pranks involved emptying a can of Heinz vegetable salad on the pavement to resemble a pile of vomit, then eating it up with a spoon. He says that some passers-by actually threw up themselves.

He might have approved of the military drill stunt I put on at my school. Every Monday we had to go to school in military uniform, and spend the afternoon cleaning rifles or marching. Each member of our platoon had to take a turn drilling the platoon to march around the playground, shouting like a sergeant-major to keep everyone in step:

"left ... left .... left right left".

When my turn came I trained them using a variation:

"left ... left .... left left left",

My soldiers obeyed with a repeating rhythm of 4 steps and 3 hops. This was before the days of Monty Python. The effect as we passed Colonel Carruthers was fantastic!

They sent for my father, and I knew I was in for trouble. My father, a stickler for military discipline, had been a Commander in the navy, but in our house his rank was Rear Admiral, in charge of whacking my rear. He carried out this reponsibility with enthusiasm, above and beyond the call of duty.



Me at age 14, perhaps unable to sit down

Blogger hotboy said...

Heil! Dearie me. Paramilitaries and in uniform all your young life, plus the spanking father figure. I bet there was a savage training regime before you even knew. Fair play, Adolf! Lucky you ended up just, well, let's face it, a wee bit weird! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Are you saying you think you're more normal than me? As the song says, if being you is right, I don't want to be right.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

P.S. I meant to say savage toilet training regime, of course. From this end of the Unheard of Island, I'm the one whe decides who's a deity far less normal. Would you settle for being a wee bit odd, but a deity? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

aw, you are cute!  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Aw, Lee Anne, I'm such a sucker for that! Since I'm going to become a tramp, I don't need much money. But it would be good if you could get some of ra bliss! Hotboy  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Tell Lee Ann I'm cute. In your perverted cross dressing Wehrmacht way you know it's true! Hotboys don't care about anything other than spreading ra bliss. What could be cuter! Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Please explain what ra bliss is! I keep thinking I understand it, but I don't think I do.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Oh, by the way, I see that I was tagged, I will be working on that list :)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Checking the blogosphere this morning doing damage limitations from the over lubrications of last night. Not too bad here, I'm glad to say. But I am enjoying the beer just now. I hope you're shocked! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Hotboy. Not if it was German beer, which is technically a health food.

Lee Ann. Great.  

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Post a Comment

06 September 2005 at 16:54

tagged with the musical meme

I was tagged a while ago by Heather, with an approximation of this Musical Meme : List ten songs or albums that you are currently enjoying. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good but they must be songs/albums you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Explaining your choices is optional. Then tag five other random people to see what they're listening to.

1. Positively 4th street
Artist: Dylan.
I'm not a huge fan of Dylan, but even so, songs like this take me back to the summer when I bought a transistor radio with my pocket money. and what a magical sound Dylan made.

2. Familiar to Millions
Artist: Oasis.
Most people went off Oasis when they went over the top, using a heavy guitar wall of sound, but that's precisely when I started to like their sneering tunes. And their postmodern recycling of their influences (e.g Lennon, the Kinks).

3. All Along the Watchtower
Artist: Hendrix
Need I say more?

4. The Rotters Club
Artist: Hatfield and the North.
Like Mahler symphonies, this English 70s jazz fusion with silly humour is the sort of music you have to listen to for years before you even start to like it. But by that time it's in your blood.

5. Voices
Artist: Roger Eno (Brian's brother).
This CD of piano pieces, some quite Satie-esque, makes new age music respectable.

6. The Land of Grey and Pink
Artist: Caravan
Decades ago, the only blind date I have ever had was set up by hotboy. He knew a lass from the Caribbean who had just broken up with someone. Through hotboy she invited me for dinner at her place. She wined me and dined me, and afterwards she played this album. She was surprised to hear I couldn't stand the music: I found it weak and wimpish. The magic didn't happen between her and me, and I never saw her again, but I heard this music again and grew to love it. I sometimes wish I could meet her, just to say "you were right."

7. Haydn piano sonatas 1 to 60
Artist: Jeno Jando
Most people have probably heard some of the well-known sonatas by Beethoven. But to me they are often brash and repetitive. Haydn's sonatas would be just as famous, if only he had had the commercial sense to put in some catchy tunes. Instead, his piano music is full of surprises, playful twists and turns, the sound of happiness. Five minutes after listening, you cannot remember a single note, but so what?

8. Take 5 (the long version)
Artist: Dave Brubeck Quartet.
I listen to loads of American and British jazz, but I'm mentioning this because it's well-known. Like Haydn, it's full of the sort of energy that takes your heart by surprise and lifts it up high. At the time this recording was made, the unusual time signature was revolutionary. The cut-down version of Take Five (like the cut-down version of The Doors' Light My Fire) is a swindle. It leaves out the best bit - Joe Morello's inspired drum solo over repeated piano chords. I almost forgot to mention Paul Desmond's beautiful sound on alto.

9. The Very Best Of
Artist: Supertramp
Mention this band and most people pull a face. "All those girly high voices!" The same people think Queen were good, despite their campy falsettos. I predict that Supertramp will be the next band to be rehabilitated. As happened with ABBA, rock stars from Elvis Costello to Bono will be falling over themselves to say how much they always admired this music.

10: The Black President
Artist: Fela Kuti
Of course there's a huge amount of wonderful music that comes out of Africa. I saw Fela Kuti play in Toronto many years ago, and it's perhaps the only time I've had to walk out of a concert because it was too good. After about 90 minutes of his eerie full-on music, I was wishing he would play something boring to give us a break. I couldn't take any more.




I'll be tagging as many people as possible. If you don't want to wait till then, tag yourself!

Tagged so far: hotboy, lee ann, blake

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Supertramp....OMG! I love "Breakfast in America"  

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Blogger robmcj said...

You must have read the whole post. Well done you.

"Breakfast" is the best, isn't it? Pure happiness. Crime Of the Century was a bit more moody, I like that too.  

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Blogger Heather said...

Okay.. completely random.. and totally off topic.. but salutatorian is your class rank when you graduate. I had the second highest gpa.. So basically I got a special color tassel to wear on my gown besides the "with honors" one.

And no.. I dont feel any different. I still think Im boring and am wondering why people commented. LOL  

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Blogger Alec McClochendichter said...

How come heather keeps changing her photo?  

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Blogger robmcj said...

I should point out that comment is by a different Heather. Brilliant! This blog's second Heather. It's almost like being back in Scotland.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! I don't remember setting you up with a blind date. Did you wear your kilt? The one woman I know from the Carribbean is totally rich and lives in St Lucia. What happened to Wishbone Ash? Didn't that used to wake you up in the morning? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I'd just like to add one performer to your list...well...perhaps two.

The first is Daniel Kachamba. 'Dr' played a mean guitar.

The second is a band - the Chimvu River Jazz Band. Fast beat, great dancing. They even got my feet tapping.

That reminds me of the time I took the 'Dr' over to Chingwe's Hole. He took his guitar, and we shared a few Greens together as the sun went down, before heading back to the Kuchawe (the original Kuchawe, that is).

Nice memories.

MM III  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Hotboy. That's the person I'm talking about. You say she's fabulously rich now. So it's even more important that I tell her she was right about Caravan. I hope it's not too late.

Heather II. Thanks for explaining, now I need to know what a gpa is.  

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Blogger Heather said...

So Am I Heather #1 or #2? And which would be better? 2 is more than 1...but no one wants to come in a close second....oooh! the indecision.

Like your music selection. I must say that I have been so ga ga over Brian that I have neglected Roger. Is he as odd?

Breakfast in America ROCKS by the way.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Heather.
No. 1 of course. I have forgiven you for pulling the rug out from under your template, just when I was settling into those cushions.

No, he's more spacey. Doesn't sing as far as I know.

Heather 2. No offence. H#1 was here first.  

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Post a Comment

05 September 2005 at 18:23

top secrets

One of my two real-life friends on these islands has asked for another post about secrets.

Alright, over at Sloth's place, people have revealed over 200 secrets. Someone over there used my name to talk rude. Was it you?

Blogger hotboy said...

Certainly wasn't me, Adolf! This machine has a kiddie-block thing on it and you can't read half of them! Was it about cross-dressing or the Second World War? Why don't you post it so I can read it? Don't tell me! Was it that thing with the double amputee in the middle of the football park? Hope this jogs your memory. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Some of those secrets make one's own life feel boring! It is interesting to see some of the things people will do when no one else knows about it.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Then maybe it was me while I was emanating.

Hotboy and Lee ann - how are the meditation lessons going?

I'm lucky my life's not boring. Only this morning I strapped the 10-litre bottle of pressurised weedkiller to my back, grasped the pistol nozzle, and went out the back garden hunting for weeds. Blasted them to plant hell! What a buzz!  

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Post a Comment

04 September 2005 at 18:07

1500

Today I registered my 1500th hit, a piddling amount in the blogoscheme of things, but not bad considering I have nothing to say that could interest anyone except myself, kilt fetishists and spammers.

The most referrals came from samsaramom.blogspot.com, so thank you again for the link, Heather.

Meanwhile, an ancient drug memory has been posted at Ra Fuhrer and Further, confirming two things - that I did not inhale, and that hotboy still has more memory cells than me, despite devoting his life to toxins research. Why did I bother living a sober life?

Blogger hotboy said...

1500 is great! I'm still on the 1400s I think. I would make links on the side to people I look at. Be easier to get to them for one thing, but I don't know how. Pathetic really. But I've been loving blogging over the long weekend. Hotboy  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

congrats!

11,000.

ha ha!

blog-hoppin around...  

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Blogger Heather said...

Well! I guess I have something to show for all the time spent on the 'puter. Does this come with some sort of prize or gift? Maybe an aussie $ for every hit? That sounds fair.

Joking of course.

No, really.

But gifts are gladly accepted ;)

H  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I think kilts are cool and sexy!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Heather, when I get around to responding to the "10 things I'm listening to" tag, the musical wisdom will be my priceless gift to the universe.

Hotboy, there's help at Blogger. Or send me your template and I'll do one for you to start you off. The least I can do to thank you for sending me your arguable masterpiece novel.

Lee Ann, I trust the holiday went well, and you're rested in preparation for the launch of our tourism/catering franchise. If we delay, someone else might beat us to it. I thought a good title might be "Jammy Donut Regency Hotels". But you're the one with the business genes, so can I leave it to you?

Spinning. Congratulations on your impressive quantity. I'm aiming for quality, as you can probably tell.  

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Blogger jimmmer said...

Congrats. We're coming up to our 1000. Big step. It's like a special occasion, think we'll go and get horribly toasted somewhere!  

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at 11:05

deliberate difference disorder

There was some recent correspondence (I can't remember if it was here or at someone else's blog, maybe Lee Ann's) about shyness etc..

I thought my own variety of shyness was unique until I found a fellow-sufferer at post secret :



PS if you're using Internet Explorer, apologies if this template look a bit dodgy.

It dsiplays fine in Firefox. I could fix it by removing the sky picture, but it gives buddhist readers something to stare at till the bliss kicks in.

Blogger hotboy said...

My secret is that I don't have a secret, but I'm not telling anyone, so it's still a secret. Hope this helps. Hotboy.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

I feel deprived now. I'd like to have a secret. Obviously, I'm not active enough. You have to do stuff surely and then keep quiet about it. Hey, is this leading on to one of those cross-dressing things, Adolf? Getting you rocks off in front of other Germans and crossing dressing. Have we not had enough of all that kind of weird stuff? Probably not. You have got a secret!! I knew it. Tell us then. We won't tell anyone. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Okay, I admit I have some secrets here. Just keep it to yourself.  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Wonderful! I love post secret. I like your blog so far; I'll be back. And thank YOU for stopping by!
--SG  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

ps hotboy told me his secret, and it's a juicy one.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Oh, I have seen that blog "post secrets". Some of it is interesting, and some of it is disturbing. Makes me feel sad for those!  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Spinning Girl. My former best friend was called Spin. Possibly a relation? Regarding Hotboy's "secret" - have you heard of Munchausen's disease? Neither have I.  

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Post a Comment

02 September 2005 at 18:52

racial slur

An accusation has been made, and cannot be allowed to go unchallenged.

Hotboy has suggested that I am not Scottish! It's a transparent attempt to annoy me into revoking my share of his royalties in the southern hemisphere. Or perhaps it's a smokescreen to divert attention from his own murderous Irish Viking blood.

Here's proof that I'm Scots, at least from the waist down. And the shadow on the grass proves that there was nothing worn under the kilt.




Match that, Hotboy. Show us your Viking helmet!

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Ah so it's true! I always wondered if the story of what is worn (or lack thereof) under a kilt is fact or fiction. Thanks for clearing that up. *blushing* =)  

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Blogger hotboy said...

There's nothing the matter with a bit of cross dressing, Adolf. And being a German is cool (apart from the Second World War)(No, we won't talk about that!) especially when it comes to giving and taking orders. I'd show you my viking helmet, but it dropped off when I was chased across a park by some amorous mad cows. How's the new jobbie by the way? Do you get to shoot anyone? Hope this helps! Hotboy  

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Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I like a skirt on a man.  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Spinning Girl. Thanks for that. One suggestion - if you're ever in Scotland, don't refer to the kilt as a skirt, unless you want to start a bloodbath.

Following in my footsteps, our 16-year-old punk has announced he wants a kilt for his birthday. And a sporran (the jockstrap/handbag thing).

What's with young people? When I was young I had to be forced to wear a kilt.

I think he got the idea when we visited Berlin last year, and some punks/goths there wore kilts to go out at night. I've never felt quite so at home in Germany before.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

Did you visit your old bunker in Berlin, Adolf! Then there was a shot followed by eons and eons in all the hot, cold and occasional hells; then being a bad smell for eons in the worst toilet in the galaxy; then all the time as a fruitfly; then onwards and upwards. Now, look at you! On the Unheard of Island. (I'll be there someday!) There's hope for everyone!Hotboy  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Lee ann, if it turns out you're descended from the Robertson's jam dynasty, you can retire tomorrow. Just remember who told you about it.

Hotboy, take your time, I've increased the dose to 3 bottles a day now, I'll try and drink the whole 144 before you get here, so there'll be nothing to interfere with your samosa levels.

They've filled in the bunker, but I had time to visit one of the old holiday fitness camps.

Did you perhaps unconsciously plagiarise the toilet stuff from Jimmer's place? You seem to be getting the hang of postmodernism now.  

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Blogger hotboy said...

No, to the jimmy place thing. The only person I remember plaguiar ... stealing from was St Teresa, and a joke from Jack Dee. Fraid the crap is all mine. Has Jimbo got more dirty photies posted? Too busy with ra bliss to have a look. Maybe later. Hotboy  

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Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

Definitely an impressive shadow, Rob.

Hotboy keeps asking me what happened the last time we went for morning coffee, when the cricket was rained off.

I have no recollection of anything that happened after the rickshaw stopped at the off-licence.

What should I tell him?

MM III  

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Blogger Cher d'Onnay said...

Oh! You were cute when you were young.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, I wish it were so. My other grandparents are Hilton (Hilton hotels are from a wealthy family here), which I don't think I am descended from that wealthy family either. Hmmm, wish my names Robertson and Hilton could help me in that way:)  

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Blogger robmcj said...

Cher, I am still cute, though nowadays only on the inside. I regularly enjoy your blog, it has a meditative quality that hotboy would appreciate.

MM III - I tried the link; you've clearly been taking HTML lessons from hotboy. Given his intake of poisons, it's admirable that he can remember his name, never mind social events or computer skills.

Lee ann, with your heritage we can corner the market in jam-based hotels. Just what they need in New Orleans.

Hotboy. If your memory is up to it, what was the Jack Dee joke?  

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