open text

29 June 2006 at 05:02

childhood HNT with sporran

As you can see from this pic of me aged about 10, I'm Scots, at least from the waist down. And the shadow on the grass proves that nothing is worn under the kilt.



People often ask me: "Robmcj, you're Scottish, what exactly is the point of a sporran?"

Well, the sporran is the pouch that you wear at the front of your kilt, for keeping your johnnies in (or if you're a kid, your cigarettes).

Another use for the sporran is in preventing attraction between males. A kilt without a sporran is just a skirt, and everybody knows that a drunken Scotsman will go for anything in a skirt. These guys forgot to wear their sporrans and look what happened:


Always use a sporran:


That's better.

Still on a Scottish theme, Lee Ann (now sadly retired from HNT) was kindly asking whether I am eating well while my partner is away. Well, I gave up eating porridge years ago, because I kept walking away from the kitchen and letting it burn. But this morning it was so cold here, I decided it was time to make some porridge to warm me up. I put it on the stove, and while it was cooking I came to the PC to blog for 2 minutes. Fifteen minutes later, the smoke alarm went off. Now I've got all the doors and windows open to clear the burning smell before the partner comes home. As a result, it's sub-zero in here and I'm colder than ever. You see? You try to warm yourself up, and the universe bites back. Everything has to balance.

Over on the other side of the island, thousands of daddy penguins have been huddling together for weeks, to keep warm and to protect their mates' eggs until the females return from hunting. Here on this side of the island, I've been trying to stay warm, while conserving sperm until the return of my partner. The island's balancing up.

PS - speaking of Scotland, Celti has a quite breathtaking blog design. And check out her subversive Navbar at the top. The blog takes a while to load, so you might be quicker just looking at her background picture. I hate to turn this into a backhanded compliment, but her actual posts aren't really my sort of thing.


HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger keda said...

oh my word!!!

its a wickle willy shadow. sooo CUte!

hmmmmm men in skirts yum...

men in kilts yummylicious.

beautiful. thank you darling. thats my fix. i can stop surfing the web for all the tartan sites now for a few days.

http://www.cornish-tartans.co.uk
/images/david.jpg

happy hnt babe*  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! What happened to Wednesday? It's only Wednesday here (9:30 p.m.). I've never worn a kilt. I've never sat on a horse. Do your cross dressing chums ride horses? Bareback? In a kilt? Mnnn? That might help! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

I love that picture of you. I do remember it!
I love seeing men in real kilts (not skirts) :)

Thanks for the mention. Wish I could come take care of you til your partner gets back.

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger cinders said...

I need to email this to my ex "lover" or whatever he was who was fond of running around in a "kilt". No sporran either. I fucking knew it!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

keda - I think a Cornish tartan is known as a tablecloth. ;)

HB - I understand your side of the island adheres to Scottish time. Not my problem.

LA - thanks for the offer. They tell me I'm beyond help.

cinders - but was anything worn under his kilt?  

~

Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

WHAT A SHADOW!
great hnt post :)  

~

Blogger lecram sinun said...

The shadow does indeed know! Cheers and Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Phain said...

hmmmm...I learned something today ;) *~*Happy HNT*~*  

~

Blogger Suze said...

I love a man in a kilt, especially if I'm wearing patent shoes!

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Sweet photo of you...but who are the other guys?? Weird (spelt correctly this time!) That men of all shapes and sizes can look good in a kilt! And talking of weird (spelt correctly again!)...WHERE'S YOUR LIST...or are we to draw our own conclusions from your posts various??(NO) HHNT!  

~

Blogger Celti said...

Ooh, thanks for the backhanded compliment. LOL Stick around though, man, my posts have really been sucking lately but it's an ebb & flow thing.

LOVE the kilt - the one with teh sporran, that is. ;)  

~

Blogger DB said...

LOL that is a fantastic picture of you in your kilt, you always have the most inventive HNT's kudo's to you!!

I really like that camo one as well. hehe

~B  

~

Blogger Wenchy said...

Ahhh this was too cool. My FIRST husband was from Scotland.. Edinburgh... mmmmm LOL

Problem marrying the entire man when ya just loved the accent.  

~

Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say Mr RobMcJ,

You seem a tad proud of that shadow.

MM III  

~

Blogger lime said...

thank you for that education on the importance of sporrans! now tell me...the term for going without undies, regimental? fun fun pic. ty for sharing:) HHNT  

~

Blogger J said...

Now I've seen it all, nice dress ;-)  

~

Blogger Crimson said...

Gotta love a man in a skirt :P
HHNT!  

~

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

Excellent HNT! Very informative and um...interesting too!  

~

Blogger Sexy Duet said...

Great post - educational and men in kilts are always sexy. HHNT!
Ms SD  

~

Blogger Polt said...

okay...

#1 - what a cute, well endowed kid you were.

#2 - You guys need to kick a bit higher before the photo is taken

#3 - sporran or NOT, sweetie, I'd be all OVER the guy on the right.

#4 - HAPPY HNT!  

~

Blogger Fame said...

Men in kilts are HOT, enough said! HHNT!  

~

Blogger WDKY said...

Ha ha... very good. I like to start the day off with a big grin on my face, so thanks for that, Rob.

It's amazing, isn't it, that when you sit down to blog the minutes seem to accelerate to warp speed. How does that happen? Oh, and that's an impressive shadow for a... errrmm, wee bairn.

Happy HNT  

~

Blogger WDKY said...

PS I've decided that you're too funny not to blogroll. Hope you don't mind.  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

You've got more comments than me! Mind you it doesn't help that Keda and Hotboy haven't bothered to visit (me, that is) *sob!* Yes, I did get the comment re The Islands, ta! ;)  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

LOL!! Great HNT post!... and toooo cute pic of you as a lil boy.

Hey! The sporrans don't help w/the wind though, now do they? ;) LOL!

Happy Belated HNT & thx for visitin' me even tho I'm not playing this week.
*hug*  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

polt - thanks, though somewhere along the line I went wrong.

wd40 - I'm told I'm a sad bastard, but go ahead and blogroll me, I need any help I can get.

Lelly - thanks for swelling the stats still further. Come again any time.

Lil - what knid of wind do you reckon that was?  

~

Blogger cinders said...

Anything under? He said "not usually."

(No defending him though. I'm mocking him, not all men in kilts.)  

~

Blogger HNB said...

Very cool pics. guys in skirts... I like 'em.  

~

Blogger Magnus said...

OK I had to see who was leeching images off my server...

Just for a point of correction, the picture of me in the camo kilt that you posted does indeed have a sporran. The sporran is also camoflage and someone who isn't looking too closely will not notice it. But it is there.

You missed the better shot of me with the camo kilt...

(the img tag is not allowed, so here is the direct URL...)
http://yonderway.com/magnus/images/nati.jpg  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Thanks Mag, I do like that new photo, where you must obviously be wearing one. Appreciate your tolerance of my deliberate oversight. At least I was careful to acknowledge your site.

Awra best.  

~

Post a Comment

27 June 2006 at 14:41

we oz robbed!

Australia exited very unfairly, to a penalty in the last seconds of injury time.

If you study the video (as Australian TV has been doing ad nauseam), you see that Lucas Neil, the alleged fouler, was motionless on the ground at the time, and the Italian guy went out of his way to hook his toe around Neil's body and simulate a foul. It's a trick I often used when I was looking after kids, I would pretend to trip over things and fall down. Kids love it, but the Aussie community here on the island are not amused, and I feel for them. As a gesture, I've thrown open the doors of the brewery and offered every Australian resident as much beer substitute as they can drink. No takers yet.



The josephine who lives here has gone to a health retreat for a few days, to be pampered and maybe lose a couple of pounds. Meanwhile, I'll be using the beer and popcorn diet to hopefully gain a few pounds. Everything balances up.

Being on my own for few days, I'll be free to clear the decks in the kitchen so I'll have some space to work in. The other joes who normally live here use the communal student flat method of kitchen etiquette. For days they keep adding dirty dishes to the pile in the sink and on the surfaces, until there are no clean dishes left anywhere and no space left for food preparation, and the cockroaches dine well on the leftovers. Then some sucker has to do the washing up, which takes infinitely longer because everything is encrusted with dry food and grease.

But I use the monastic kitchen system. I have one plate, one knife, one fork, one cup, etc., and I keep them clean by washing them after use (if the kitchen sink is blocked by a greasy pile, I use the basin in the laundry).

This system suits everyone in the house - they can live in the squalor they like, and I don't need to. Everything balances up.



With live action TV from Wimbledon and the World Cup both continuing throughout the night here, I could become nocturnal. Tonight it's Brazil v Ghana. Should be a formality.

Money-saving hint number 17 - genital fashion on the cheap: I've never had a Brazilian, but I once had a Mexican. That's where you cut your pubes as short as possible with a pair of scissors, then you set fire to the stubble. It's perfectly safe if you keep the flame moving. Compared with a Brazilian, it's much kinder to the skin. Or do I mean cinder?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Obviously, the ref was paid! We've all seen the Godfather so we know what it's like. Even a joe with a white stick could see that it wasn't a penalty!
I've never heard of a Brazilian or a Mexican, in this context, but I've led a quiet life. So you castrate yourself without anaesthetic and then set your pubic hair on fire. You might recommended this to Lee Ann if the partnership problems are hers and not those of a friend!
I'd live by never washing the dishes if I could. You should take it on yourself to wash all the dishes yourself as an offering whilst saying the mantra: You rotten, dirty basturns. You rotten dirty basturns. This would definitely help. Hotboy  

~

Blogger alastair said...

The pretty well permanent state of 98% of football fans is anger, frustration and disappointment. You may have noticed that it is a universal law of physics that the 'underdog' team never gets a dodgy penalty in the last minute.
Of course it wasn't a penalty - that's not the point - the point is that it's nature's law for Italy to beat Australia at football. The penalty was simply the Universe asserting itself. Don't mess with forces beyond your ken.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! What did you do with your tackle once you'd snipped it off? I hope you haven't put it in the beer barrel... anyway, all men are pigs as LA probably realises now. You could offer to levitate over to the states and demonstrate the method on her erstwhile partner. (I do hope that post was a hypothetical thingy!) Yes! You could re-enact the whole thing for a video and help everyone be sick as a parrot, like the Oz supporters must have been last night! Hotboy  

~

Blogger extra*time said...

i think the ghanians will give brazil a run for their money for about 60 minutes, but class will out in the end... and it'll end up 2-0 to brazil - that's my prediction.
poor aussies - a cruel way to be dispatched. if Harry Kewell had laid off the sardines and avoided the gout he'd probably have scored for you (but i am biased as a LFC supporter).
x  

~

Blogger J said...

Italians didn't need the charity, yet, the must have paid off the ref becuase he was clearly bogus.  

~

Blogger keda said...

yes. quite. outrageous.
bugger.  

~

Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

I hope your genitals have recovered from as shown in the previous post. Nasty business, that. Reminds me of some tropical diseases, for which the remedy is usually abstention.

MM III  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

alastair - yes, I had forgotten about the universal law. Even the FIFA guy now arguing that the prone Aussie used his shoulder to obstruct, could be an expression of the universal law. Everything balances out.

HB - Mediaeval brewers used to throw in pig's heads, and you're complaining about a bit of stubble on the top of your Guinness! I haven't actually experienced the Mexican technique yet, though if I can't come up with a disgusting enough HNT theme for this week, I may yet have to try it out on video. Don't worry, any exposure is good exposure.

ET - thanks for that, I didn't know about the Kewell-sardine thing. I googled LTC and came up with Lawn Tennis Club and Lehighton Touchdown Club. Which one is it? Oops, forgive the colonial dyslexia. LFC. Of course. Even here we know what that means.

J - thanks for that. To be fair to the ref, I thought he was spot-on the rest of the time. We can all make mistakes, but what a time he picked for his!

keda - thanks for the empathy. Could you teach hotboy?

MM III - how long should I abstain? It's been months already, shouldn't there be some improvement yet? Or do you mean abstaining from books that hotboy sends out?  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

If I lived close by I would have you to dinner or bring you a few casseroles.
Sounds like your system will work as far as the dishes.
As Hotboy suggested....You could offer to levitate over to the states and demonstrate the method on her erstwhile partner... that might be a good idea right now. I need something to cheer me up.
I hope you are not too lonely and that you eat well while your partner is gone.  

~

Post a Comment

25 June 2006 at 07:45

more about using bloglines

Some time ago, hotboy asked me about Bloglines.


Bloglines tells you as soon as a new post appears on any of your regular blogs. When I took this shot, I was up to date on all my reading, except for 1 post on The Rambling Taoist, and 540 flu-related posts.

I think you can probably try out my bloglines page to get an idea of how it works.

It can make your bloglife so simple.

Just watched Mexico play so well, in a long match against the world's best team of surly dirty foulers. Final score: Arg 2, Mex 1. Meanwhile Australian TV, which is all I can pick up here, is still going on about last week's victory against Croatia. Once the Aussies get knocked out, we'll see all interest evaporate.

It's the middle of the night and the middle of winter here, so it's back to bed with a hottie. That's a hot water bottle.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The bloglines thing is no use to me, if you have to do something or learn something. Does it involve even the slightest bit of clickiness? I think it does. This whole Star Trek malarkey is going to stop soon. You have my passwords. But I won't look at it anyway. I have agreed that I have become unintersted and depressed by euphoria. I'm heading for euphoria amo ng the flatheids and I don't think this bloglines thing will help at all! But it will help you. That's good!! Hotboy  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Yes, fantastically useful. I clicked on yours. Fortunately, I'm going back into nappies soon, and will have to rely on people to help. Hotboy p.s. Don't worry about not hearing from your mother. How long does it take before the trust funds belch out the nazi gold on very little being heard from the old dear?  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

I'll put that on the todo list, to set up a bloglines account for you, but you're on your own with the nappies. If the old dear was still around she could handle that end of things for you. You didn't think of that.  

~

Blogger cinders said...

This whole opposites thing is hard to get used to. My head is so wired to be used to june july august is summer that to think somewhere else it is winter--- what do we do when the world gets smaller like this? Just ask some omniscient being to coordinate us all on the same schedule? If only they were listening...  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Cinders, I've added you to my blogroll. Hope that's OK.  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Rob, stop wasting time and get on with your 6 wierdy things. And the post about where you are and why you're there...please.  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Rob no I don't get Blogger to emal me everytime I get a comment...I get too many (usually v. uninteresting) emails as it is. So how am I supposed to find where you've left your answer to my comment if its on some old post??? I need a clue...WHICH old post????  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

That is cool, I may have to try it!
Hope you had a great weekend.
~XO  

~

Post a Comment

21 June 2006 at 16:20

HNT weird things

I was tagged by the incomparable Lelly to list "Six weird facts/habits about yourself".

Lelly, I've been waiting all my for life for someone to ask that. I feel I have an unfair disadvantage for this one, and making the list was way too easy. The list grew to 10, then over 20, and I'm still trying to edit it down to 6. In the meantime, I have siphoned off some of the excess weirdnesses into a photo. How many can you count?

In the picture, I'm using my favourite battery-powered device to give myself pleasure while looking at something illegal on the TV. You can click the bandaid to peel it off and switch on the TV.


Explanation - someone emailed me an illegal copy of a new novel which hasn't actually been published yet. Instead of printing it out, I decided to save paper and read it on the PC. But to avoid getting backache or RSI sitting for hours at the screen, I re-routed it through the TV, so I can read it flat out (using my light-bending TV glasses, but let's not go into that now, I mustn't go over my limit of six weird things).

The only problem was - how to page down through the text? For that I use my wireless game pad, which runs on batteries. The whole setup works brilliantly!



Incidentally, as you can see, my beer-based weight gain programme has been a miserable failure so far. Will I never be able to get fat like normal people?

Remember, this is a freelance Taoist blog. So I try to make sure that every true story contains a wee lie. The only lie here is that I wouldn't normally be doing this naked - it's winter here and I had to really freeze while taking this picture. Suffering for my art.


HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger Wenchy said...

That was kinda funny. :)  

~

Blogger Suze said...

Wonderful post! I'm clicking the buttons on that control and it's not zooming in. :(

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

~

Blogger keda said...

that was hilarious!! as ever. and don't get fat. its nice to know there's some people who dont widen with age. gives me hope!

i see you've got new links but not me!?? dontcha love me no more? worried about the pee-pack competition huh? :)

happy hnt oh skinny one.  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Rob, I'm sorry but I can't see anything weird in this post at all...you must try harder! I DO love your sense of humour...and your home (as I think I've said before) where did you get that TV table from?? My other 'arf also tried/tries the beer-putting-on-weight diet...he switched from Pils to Newcastle Broon 25 years ago...and it still isn't working! (damn, why can't I have a metabolism like that!)
And like wot Keda said...why aint I on your link list???...you are on mine! :(
Happy HNT!!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Suze - thanks for the idea for a zooming HNT.

Blanket humble apols to Keda and Lelly, in the confusion of fixing the template, I worked from an older template which, silly me, had an older sidebar! Thanks for telling me, I've put that at the head of the todo list.

Lelly, I hate to blow my credibility , but the TV table is two cheap IKEA tables on top of each other, and glued with blu-tac. With a home-made rotating TV plinth on the top, which spins around to face wherever you're lying.

I've noticed I get such a buzz when I get a positive comment from someone whose own blog I like. Do other bloggers get that too?  

~

Blogger keda said...

you are forgiven.

and yes i like the he/she that fabulous/funny/clever person likes ME/my humble underpants? buzzy thing too. nice innit?!  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Yeah same as Keda said...again! You and Keda are amongst my favourites akshully!
Thanks for the Ikea tip...haven't been there for ages, obviously need to check it out...going to nick your double table idea! So where's YOUR nearest branch...where are the Unheard of Islands and why are you there??  

~

Blogger lime said...

you are clearly a committed HNTer if you are so willing to suffer! and lmao@ the bandaids! HHNT  

~

Blogger Bekah said...

Interesting.... nice "weird thing" story! Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Becca said...

Weird...not weird...who cares, YOU'RE NAKED!!!!

And that's a very good thing!

HHNT!  

~

Blogger Crimson said...

Best way to read, right? HHNT ;)  

~

Blogger cinders said...

So it's winter and you're cold and you're naked and skinny-- I'm sure it's not going to be too hard to find someone to warm you up ;)  

~

Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

That could well be one of the oddest blog posts ever, but highly entertaining.

Wicked template, too.  

~

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

Heh! You are totally brilliant, and um, i didnt see anything weird at all.....

HHNT....now move that remote!  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! This is just a cop out! Come on, Adolf! This is a revelatory blog! We already know you stay in a cave on the lost side of the island. I wrote about my weird things and I come here and it's a lot of old.... weird things as well....it's coming through ..yes, the feet! What is really weird about the feet. Do you have flippers by this time? We need to know! It would help! Hotboy  

~

Blogger LEE ANN said...

Love it!
Rob this is my last one!
http://angeleeann.blogspot.com/
Don't worry, not the end of the Castle blog though!
Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Aisha T. said...

*laugh* This was great! What are you saying about fat? Can't seem to find an inch (of fat! of fat!)  

~

Blogger Sexy Duet said...

Great idea, i could combine my two of my favourite things - reading and watching tv. HNT certainly is more fun in summer (middle of winter here), for now I make do with turning the heater up. HHNT!  

~

Blogger Schadeboy said...

Nice screen. What, is that a 27-inch?

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Schadeboy - yes, but the screen's a 29-incher.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Lelly, I need to do a post about why I washed up on the UnHeard Of Islands, but there's no truth in the rumour that it's to avoid a UK tax bill. I visit the Sydney IKEA whenever I'm in Australia, and get the stuff shipped home.

Andi - you're a very discerning woman.

The great thing about (not yet) doing this meme, is that I've learned at last the correct way to spell "weird". I always used to have trouble with that word, because whatever way you spell it looks weird.  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

What a neat lil effect on that pic!
Freezin' for your art. LOL! *nodding* I've been there b4. ;)

Ohh, maaaan - I wanna hear the "Weird Things" list now. All 20+ of 'em - bring it!
(I have that meme sittin' in draft... dunno if I'll get around to it or not. *shrug*)

...and, huh? Why you wanna get fat???
Noooooooooo!

Happy Belated HNT, sweetie! =)  

~

Blogger Solitaire said...

LOL!

The show went great! Thanks for asking hon!

HHNT belated!  

~

Anonymous loz said...

MOST excellent hnt! loved the bandaid :D.

oh I'm late commenting, but happy hnt anyway :).  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Lil - I'm just trying to be normal. BTW, let me know if you want a hand with the weird things. I could let you have a few of mine.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hey my Scottish friend!
~xo  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Lee Ann, it's the middle of the night and the middle of winter here, and half-way through Argentina v Mexico, so I'll be brief. Is Menzies playing fair, do you think?

Back to bed with a hottie. (hot water bottle, not the other meaning)  

~

Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

WOW
can't say my favorite device is the same as yours - but
WOW
howdya do that?
ah - I'm lucky when a pic just uploads  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

velma and others who have asked - it's not difficult - just use your browser to look at the HTML code of my page.

The key bit of code is

onclick="this.src='http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/yourphotonamejpg';"

You can find it by copying and pasting the chunk that begins (here I'm using "[" to represent the "less than" symbol):

[img title="Click to peel off the bandaid and switch on the TV"

I originally copied this from Suze (you can find her via her comment here)  

~

Post a Comment

20 June 2006 at 11:45

i'm trying to turn it off

I fixed the missing sidebar and the duplicate comments on the Main Page, but as a side effect there are no comments on individual post pages. I'm wasting my life away on tinkering with this template. But then, what better way to while away the time waiting for the apocalypse? Well, watching football would be better.

In between working on the next HNT and doing the Six Weird Things meme, I have been reading a blog by J, who describes himself as "obnoxious and superficial and judging and complicated." He's playing my tune.

He also came up with a great idea for a spin-off product for the Beanstalk Gold factory, a tasty iced dessert, "mmm ... Ureal Goodness."


But someone else has already beaten me to the best business idea yet, selling for $100 a bottle!

I know I shouldn't be squeezing yet another post out of this topic, but it seems to be generating a continuous stream of comments. It looks set to just run and run.

Blogger ray ray winston said...

i can just imagine someone paying a hundred bucks for the piss and then going in to have their drug test and they test their saliva instead

it might really piss them off

ha, i kill me.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

ray ray - you kill me too.  

~

Blogger J said...

You can't turn it off, urination is inevitable.

Embrace the yellow stream, just don't cross them.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! It doesn't help to take ra piss! Hotboy  

~

Blogger MyUtopia said...

I don't think I could trust buying sommeone elses urine. I am too paranoid. The site looks pretty neat, can't wait to see what it will look like when you are done  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! YOu're supposed to be a blinking computery genius for crying out loud! Nobody else's blog has these quirks. Are you not abnormal enough? It's definitely not efficient and late at night (when one is spliflicated and toxified) it doesn't help at all! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Rob...where's your wierd list??  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hmmm... usually when the sidebar goes to the bottom, its because there is a picture too large in one of your posts. I don't know about yours though!
Strange, very strange! :)  

~

Post a Comment

18 June 2006 at 14:56

urine the money

Thank you to the commenters who offered to supply raw material for my plant food business. Unfortunately, just as we filled the warehouse with bottles of Beanstalk Gold™, one of the multinationals got wind of my plan and bought me over just to shut me down.

I had to promise not to manufacture any more plant food in the future. But they didn't say anything about cosmetics. So here's the plan. Keda's recipe for a natural face pack happens to use exactly the same ingredients as the plant food.


So I'll design a new label and glue it over the top of the old labels. Bingo! A product is re-born, with 10% to Keda. I'm taking suggestions for a new brand name.

Meantime, to boost my credentials, I've already written a book to coincide with the launch of the new product range. It's called "Make Your Own Cosmetics For Free, The Natural Way" by Rob MacJay. I'm still looking for a literary agent, maybe I'll use the agency that hotboy uses to market his books worldwide.

This is an excerpt from the book:

Natural Hand Cream. Instead of buying expensive hand creams, here's a healthy tip that will also save you a fortune. Using your fingertips, give yourself a 5-minute scalp massage, then work the grease into your hands. Yes, it's really that simple. This recipe works best if you give up washing your hair, so you'll save on shampoo too.


A lot of Aussies live here on the islands. I'm sure they join me in congratulating Brazil on their skilful acting and balletic dives, and even managing to play some great football in the second half.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Yon Brazil are just another pub team! After the old country, I'm, of course, supporting Oz. If Viduka scores first that will help! Hotboy  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! So jealous of your new money making scheme. I wish I'd thought of that. But you can branch out. There's the drinks market! You can clean up. Say the Ancient Egyptians drank this piss and look what happened to them! Also, have you thought of the homeopathic market (my cannibal soup sold out!)? Then you can just bottle tap water and waggle your willie at it. Ten percent off the top would help right now! Hotboy  

~

Blogger keda said...

how about 'U rea Gorgeous!' or 'Don't Pee Shy'?

and only 10%? i think i'll stick to my own thank you very much!

and apparently the drinks market is booming. cure for cancer some say. though it has to be ones own pee and i'm not sure how you'd bottle that.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

keda and HB - I used to do that, and it helped make me what I am today. It goes well as a mixer in apple juice.

HB - Well they played rather well, don't you think, and perhaps deserved a better result.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

They'll beat Croatia! Croatia looked knackered at the end of their game. Just as long as it's hot!! That would help! Hotboy  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

keda - okay, I can offer you 50%, but for that you need to supply your half the raw materials.  

~

Blogger J said...

You could also sell it as a desert topping, just freeze it then crush it into slushy form.... mmm, ureal goodness.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

J - I like your thinking. D'you want a job in the marketing department? We're also launching a fabric conditioner and a homoeopathic medicine.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

You are so fun...and come up with the most interesting odd stuff!
~xo  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

lee ann - it's always great when you visit.  

~

Post a Comment

15 June 2006 at 22:00

HNT secret formula

I'm going to be rich!

You see, there's an old family secret, handed down through generations of gardeners, for a plant food formula that will double the size of your houseplants, almost overnight.

I've got some investors interested, so just as soon as I fix the bugs in this blog template (especial apologies to Firefox users), we can start production. I'm thinking of using the brand name "Beanstalk Gold".

And because the raw materials for the product cost absolutely nothing, all the money is profit. As long as I can flood the market before the conglomerates like Monsanto get wind of it, I'll be rolling in it.

In the photo, the black line shows you the difference between the normal size of the plant before treatment, and all the vibrant new foliage that appeared after one week's treatment with Beanstalk Gold™.

I'll share the secret formula with you, if you promise not to pass it on. Just click the image.


The formula has been tested outdoors too, and the people who live here have been enjoying the results from our vegetable garden.

I'd like to acknowledge my late uncle, who passed on the formula to me before he passed on himself.

PS - I'm not serious about going into business, but everything else is true. This is a freelance Taoist blog. So I try to make sure that every true story contains a wee lie. And every lie contains a grain of truth.



HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger Becca said...

LMAO!! Is this Victoria's secret as well?

HHNT!  

~

Blogger WDKY said...

ROFL - that was hysterical. And how on earth did you do that with the photo???

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Tricia said...

Oh my! I might have a little problem with my aim.

My cat has been onto that secret for years-- ugh!

HHNT!
This made my morning!  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Thank god for such a nice post! I was expecting the usual catalogue of perversions! Hotboy  

~

Blogger lecram sinun said...

I recall using the same formula as a kid. LOL! Cheers and Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Suze said...

LMAO! Should I shout "Urea" or "Eureka?"

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Oh that is great Rob. Can I borrow you for a while to come fix my plants? :)
You are so adorable!
Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

I hope that is not why Cabbage's cabbages are so vibrant.

Orf to Holland tomorrow, for the next leg of the 'hush hush' would tour. Thence to the secret location in the USA.

Must dash.

MM III  

~

Blogger Bekah said...

Wow, I need help in the plant area.
Serious help.  

~

Blogger Crimson said...

That's all I gotta do?? Fun HNT :)  

~

Blogger Bellarosa said...

LOL ... and to think that I was believing you!

HHNT  

~

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

Wow I am going to have to try that myself..but, i'll be really careful with the cactus.....HHNT  

~

Blogger DB said...

LMAO That is fantastic. Genius I say pure Genius hehe
~B  

~

Blogger lime said...

LOL, i KNEW it! too funny. HHNT  

~

Blogger Sexy Duet said...

Hilarious - love it!!! Happy HNT  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

barefoot_mistress - thanks for the idea for a cactus-based HNT.

bekah - I'll try and post some more help next week.

lee ann - I can send you a sample.

suze - good one.

wdky - it's a GIF file made from 2 stills. You can do it in photoshop and other programs.

becca - good idea for a commercial tie-in with Victoria's Secret. You can have the usual 10%.  

~

Blogger alastair said...

Hey, I'd like to invest in your enterprise.

Not money, obviously.......

But, eh, raw material....

I'll send some samples.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Wonderful days anyway for the adolfs! They can stick their little spitfires up their bottoms after Tuesday! Footie talk! Anyway, I love your mother because she loves me. In the hut, it is a bit pornographic, but that's only because of the film crew. Othewise, it would be just the usual vigourous thing. Maybe the hip replacement will be problematic, but ...later. The birds still sing. I need a kamamudra to seal the juju. I think it can be imaginary. So your mother is sixteen. She is red. She has three hundred arms and two legs. She sits lightly, the way you can if you're not a flatheid, and have tried. So she sits in my lap fully sexually developed, as they say. Held in her three hundred hands is everything that is bad and good in the world. I think she's adorable. But that's just a view. It's not true. It's empty. It's just a view. Anyway, your mother with her three hundred arms is banging my brains out here. Ask her for less arms. I can't keep track of the arms!That would be a help! Hotboy p.s.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Wonderful days anyway for the adolfs! They can stick their little spitfires up their bottoms after Tuesday! Footie talk! Anyway, I love your mother because she loves me. In the hut, it is a bit pornographic, but that's only because of the film crew. Othewise, it would be just the usual vigourous thing. Maybe the hip replacement will be problematic, but ...later. The birds still sing. I need a kamamudra to seal the juju. I think it can be imaginary. So your mother is sixteen. She is red. She has three hundred arms and two legs. She sits lightly, the way you can if you're not a flatheid, and have tried. So she sits in my lap fully sexually developed, as they say. Held in her three hundred hands is everything that is bad and good in the world. I think she's adorable. But that's just a view. It's not true. It's empty. It's just a view. Anyway, your mother with her three hundred arms is banging my brains out here. Ask her for less arms. I can't keep track of the arms!That would be a help! Hotboy p.s.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

I heard you the first time. Between bouts, could you ask her if she wants to invest some of her cash in a sure-fire scheme?  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

You are hilarious Rob...and have rathr a stylish home too...where is it exactly?? Like this device to make it look like you have twice as many comments than in reality...I need mesome of that! Oh and thanks for the link to the worlds funniest joke!  

~

Blogger keda said...

hmmm and you eat vegetables treated with this magic formula too huh..

i'm a little pee shy i'm a afraid.

though morning wee makes a great face pack. unless you are hung over when the smell is not good for ones tummy :)
happy late hnt babe*  

~

Blogger MG said...

Wow, that was GREAT... HHNT  

~

Blogger 212designs said...

CLASSIC!

that was funny!

HHNT  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Your 'tagged' Rob!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

keda - no, I never eat them myself.

lelly - the UnHeard Of Islands are an Australian protectorate, formerly a penal colony for convicts rejected by Australia, in the Indian Ocean.  

~

Post a Comment

13 June 2006 at 15:52

if I was competitive

If I was a competitive person, I would be posting this Glasgow newspaper article simply to rival hotboy's own allotment photos. He has blatantly revealed where he and my old dear have their assignations.

But thanks to enlightened toilet training I lack the competitive streak, so presumably I'm motivated by some kind of Oedipal thing here.

Either way, this article proves that I was already an allotment gardener, way back when hotboy was still just growing weed in a plant-pot. Give him another 20 years, and he'll be into HNT.




The photographer said "look as angry as you can." I'm the mean-looking gardener holding a rake. You can click on the article to read the story, though I don't know why you'd want to.

Blogger keda said...

i still get no sidebar babe.

anyhowser, allotments rock. nice evidence.

yep you can use my photo- depending on how creepy the post is! if your gonna be saying that i had hairy legs, ommed, and had hippy orgies i might not be that chuffed. i always wax regularly.
just make sure you let them now its just a lookalike!!  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Nil points for this commentaria! Took three goes to get it to work. This is not efficient and doesn't help at all! Hotboy p.s. Yes! You can't believe anything anymore what with these photieshoppie things and all. How you got muscled in between those old boys going out to visit the trenches I'll never know. And I don't want to learn how to either. Did you bury any dead bodies for gangsters in your allotment, if you had one, which I doubt!  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

Allotment gardening! Weee!  

~

Blogger MyUtopia said...

the evidence is clear.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Where did the rent a crowd come from? It's like something out of Dr Who! Good how you appear so singular. You're far too young to be an allotmenteer anyway. Did the old boys think you were after their pensions? I'm sure you're not real in this photie. It's a cardboard cut out, right? This has been a totally weird post and hasn't helped at all. Hotboy p.s Did you have a fancy hut?  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Keda - thanks for the feedback, I don't know how to fix that. I'm still figuring out the duplicate comments. About the picture. Agreed. Thanks. And I'll leave out the hairy legs and moustache.

HB - it's always someone else's fault, isn't it? Have you tried defragging your inodes?

Lil - are you psychic? You're channelling tomorrow's HNT.

Myute - thank you, I rest my case.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - isn't it past your bedtime? I didn't have a hut at all, but another gardener built an American Indian hogan, a sort of half-underground hut. He let me use it to meet young female gardeners.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, that is a fabulous photo. Allotments, huts...very cool. I had never heard of them before you and hotboy talked of them. That is one thing that has been so great about the blog. I have met so many interesting people and am able to experience new things through all of you. You, hotboy and MMIII have all brought me great joy.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Lee Ann, I think you yourself are bringing joy into the lives of many people, esp. HB, MM and myself. See you tomorrow.  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

LOL! Am I psychic?
Yep. Sometimes. ;)  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I watched the Germans hun the Poles tonight. Uber Alles! Only the stupid Englanders don't know that the Gerries are bound to win this! Great team. I love Jurgen Klinsman anyway. How we won the war, I don't know. If I'd been the previous Adolf, I'd have won it (because I got taught history)(of course, no holocaust!)(These days, that's so scifi) Anyway, I should ask you now that I can do ra bliss a wee bit what do you want from me? How about: would you like me to try and curse someone? Have you got a photie? It's not an admission of failure to decide to meditate until you get ra bliss. You're not that old yet. You mightlive a bit longer. So you don't want to exist with ra bliss? Obviously, ra bliss is ra bliss is ra bliss. You've got plenty of time. You'vbe got ra brains. You have got no excuse. No, you don't have any excuse because you know that I'm telling you the truth. So you've been given the help. No squealing and wriggling around like the self grasping moron when you get the black spot, please. Just switch off the radio (as they did in the spitfires!) and scream to yourself. This is your last chance. That'll be ten percent, please. That would help me. Hotboy
p.s. Your mum is now happy. We watch the footie together. I think like all women she might be a bit smarter than me.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! You have also brought me great joy! Zeig! Hotboy p.s we should do the up and up. Boosting has to be a help!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - After falling asleep last night in front of the second of three State Of Origin rugby league clashes (for once, Queensland beat NSW so the 3rd match will be the decider), I watched the second half of Germany-Poland from bed before getting up (to spend a whole day at werk in the classroom, whence I pen this - wisely I warned my students to stay in bed and send their work by email).

After 90 mins, everything was set for a draw to make up for 1939, then Germany scored in extra time, thanks to a Pole getting himself sent off for an unnecessary foul. Can you imagine how he feels now?

Are you serious about Klinsman? It doesn't ean Clansman, does it? My late uncle (the same one who will play a vital role in today's - tomorrow for you - HNT) used to detest Jurgen Klinsman as a prima donna with no team spirit. Maybe that's what you like about him?

I appreciated the Calvinist advice - everything's my own fault unless I do the bliss. Yet what's the point in living an extra week if you've to spend it cross-legged doing nothing, and you get varicose veins into the bargain? Surely the screaming is preferable? But apart from that of course you are right.

My standard response to meditators used to be that for me the Tai Chi is a moving meditation, and I still hold to that, except that I never do the Tai Chi any more.

Lil - just wait, you'll see.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - PS - remember everything balances up, so smaryter in some ways means dumber in others. We all have a brain the size of a planet.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Fortunate creature that you are! You will be able to give up everything soon and use your skills to help, instead of all that fannying around, or how you spend your life just now. A complete waste of time. Or existence! You're not that smart! You can't do ra bliss. What is the matter with you? This is RaBlissBlog. YOu can't do it because you don't try. Fung sake! This is not about doing ra bliss really. It's about having the great, big, human mind. And deciding to be an asshole! How can you sit there on the other half of the island and not know anything about rabliss? What are you saying to the penguins? That you don't know? Didn't try? Spent your whole life with your head stuck up your arse? Dearie me! Get up to speed here. You know you're smarter than that. This'll be a help for other flatheids, the ones from the moon. Hotboy  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - technically, this is not Ra Bliss Blog. Not yet, anyway. I don't know, you watch Germany beat Poland and suddenly you're invading other blogs.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - further technical notes, and a koan.

(1) I thought I was helping.

(2) In a postmodern world, everything is a complete waste of time. Or everything is important. Either way, there's no point in doing anything rather than anything else.

(3) Is meditating for the bliss of all living things (which I don't think you are doing anyway, are you?) more important than opening a can of meat for the dog?  

~

Post a Comment

12 June 2006 at 22:34

optimism

It's just a few minutes until the insufferables kick off against the inscrutables. An Aussie friend sent me this front-page picture from this morning's Sydney Morning Herald.




I'm not saying the Australians are being too optimistic, but I'll be watching the match in my kimono.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I'm supporting the Aussies and the old country, of course. Show some grit here! The Aussies getting to the quarter finals would be a great success. I'll refrain from succumbing to cheap racism, but if you wanted a bridge built, I'm sure the Japanese would be a lot of help. Hotboy. p.s. Dearie me. I like the Japanese. They're even wee-er than us. Would still beat us at footie though!  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - I believe you're hinting that you're supporting England? We'll apply the confessional rules.

I'll show some grit to the budgies. And I'll refrain from sexism, but if you want a geisha, don't go to Kalgoorlie.

I fell asleep when the Aussies were 1-0 down, when I awoke they had gone ahead 3-1 in the last 6 minutes. Who needs my help? Present company excepted.  

~

Post a Comment

11 June 2006 at 13:30

apologies

Over at Ra Bliss Blog it's the season for apologies.

I'm not competitive, but to even the score I need to apologise to hotboy for all the times I have rubbished Ra Bliss, when in truth I know that meditation is an admirable thing to do, and if more people spent time sitting quietly contemplating their breath, the world would be a better place.

And to make the score 2-1, I might as well apologise to my German uncle. When I mentioned recently that he "lays down borders" in his paintings, I was not alluding to 1939.

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I thought you were going to apologise for yon pure white so called afghan coat you once owned! Do we all have to wait for that? Anyway, apologies accepted. I think I'll re-instate you as my agent on the other half the Unheard of Island. That'll be ten percent off the top please! That would help! Hotboy p.s. You're still going to stay a flatheid though, aren't you? Here comes ra grief, ra sorrow, ra lamentations!!! That's not a help at all!  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The big game hunter came to see me at my hut yesterday. Check out the photies at menziesmilngavie.blogspot.com! Hotboy  

~

Post a Comment

07 June 2006 at 13:09

HNT rejuvenation

Last year, I found a site that can show you what you will look like when you're older.

Well this week I found a website that does the reverse! What you do is upload a photo of someone's face, specify how many years you want to go back in time, and the software does the rest. Obviously no-one wants to see my face, so I tested it using Lee Ann's profile image.

If you click the image and wait a couple of seconds, you can see what she would have looked like at age 5. Gorgeous.



HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.


PS - I've being template-tinkering, so now all comments show up twice, but I'll fix it soon.

Anonymous Addict said...

I tried the "other" one... it scared the crap out of me...
This is much prettier... of course with a pic of Lee Ann how could it not work beautifully!  

~

Blogger Schadeboy said...

I'm going to have to come back to this tomorrow and check out that link. That looks really cool.

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger Suze said...

Thats awesome. I tried the link and cannot see where you go to do this.

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

~

Blogger keda said...

brilliant! as are the older ones! but please tell us where we can go to do this!
happty hnt babe.

oh an btw, though i'd love to tell you about my brushes with fame i'm sworn to secrecy to protect the innocent alas! but there have been a few, some even involving tongues! hahaha.  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Sorry, I seem to have lost the link to the rejuvenator site.

;)  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

And I lost the link to the reverse botox site. I seem to be having a recurrence of RDD - retention deficit disorder.  

~

Blogger lime said...

wild! i'm going to have to give that a try! happy HNT  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob ~ That is cool! Thank you, I am so tickled. You are such a dear, truly too kind.
Happy HNT!  

~

Anonymous loz said...

very cool! I'd love to see an actual picture of Lee Ann at age 5, for comparison's sake.

hhnt!  

~

Blogger WDKY said...

I adore Lee Ann, as I've told her many times. Great fun, by the way... I'd settle for losing... I don't know. Ten years?

Happy HNT!  

~

Blogger DB said...

That is awesome I am going to try this later only I want to see what I'm going to look like when I'm old :)
~B  

~

Blogger Aisha T. said...

Wow, that's really cool! Lee Ann, you look cute!  

~

Blogger Crimson said...

Ooh cool! I'll have to play ;) HHNT  

~

Blogger Solitaire said...

Very neat! It's amazing the technology we have today! :-)

HHNT!  

~

Blogger Solitaire said...

Very neat! It's amazing the technology we have today! :-)

HHNT!  

~

Blogger Wenchy said...

You look like a doll... mmmm don't you always?  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! The bloggy is working again! Hurrah! Anyway, thank God you didn't post any photies of that old guy! That never helps! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Becca said...

Oh my...I'm going to have loads of fun tinkering with this :D

HHNT! Well done and wonderful find :D  

~

Blogger Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

I found this snap of Hotboy, taken at least forty years ago.

MM III  

~

Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. Strewth - who is the Queen of the UnHeard Of Islands? Spud reckons he shagged her one time, back in 2004. Is she a white pointer?  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Solitaire - I appreciate your duplicate comment, I'm not fussy how I get my figures up. ;)

MM III - It's a good likeness, but even if it wasn't, the lotus posture would be a dead giveaway. But what about your projected hotboy video?

Carsey - that dictionary site makes no sense - "the bra she used to bath in". And who would call bare female flesh "the ugliest sight any one can see." There's something fishy going on.  

~

Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

awesome.
link didnt work.. a search found me the same site... it's just inop...
sigh
was hoping mine might just come out that I magicly look FABULOUS in later years ;)  

~

Post a Comment

06 June 2006 at 10:06

brushes with fame

Thank you to the wise people for their cautionary comments on the previous post. Because I beat cancer a long time ago I tend to assume I'm invulnerable and can do without common sense. I think the current expression is "extreme hubris". I should look at where it has got Bush.

What brushes with fame have you had? I once stood in an airport queue behind Peter Ustinov. And as hotboy knows, as a kid I shook hands with Muhammad Ali. He probably doesn't remember now. And I was once on the same plane as Leo McKern. He was so fat that they gave him two seats.



Isn't Galaxy Quest a brill movie? I had only ever seen it on a plane, constantly interrupted. It's not the reason why I like the film, but on more than one occasion my beloved partner has been stopped at airports and asked for her autograph. People reckon she looks like Sigourney Weaver. I must say (not just because she might read this) that I prefer my partner any day.

Angie, my previous partner was once mistaken for Meryl Streep. But of course one is never content, and I would really have liked a Kate Hudson (from "Almost Famous") lookalike. Nowadays since I look like a dog's breakfast myself, I'm happy with anyone who can stand the sight of me. That reminds me - see you Thursday?

And what brushes with fame have you had?

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Seen Alien 2? The guy who played the marine commander who loses the plot at the start was in a radio play I wrote. He worked with Sigourney Weaver! That was close enough to fame for me! Hotboy  

~

Blogger ray ray winston said...

i traded choruses with a grammy winner; Jeffrey Barnes.

of course all of his grammies are in the polka category....does that count?  

~

Blogger alastair said...

I was a student at Dundee University when Peter Ustinov was the Rector and on one occasion I had lunch with him (along with 20 others at the same table) - (well, the truth is that I was at the far end of the table and unable to impress the great man with my witty repartee)....I don't want to overdo it but as a native of Campbeltown (near Mull of Kintyre) I went into a shop there circa 1967 and met Paul McCartney and his big dog 'Martha'(My Dear). I was 11 years old and he was probably the most famous person on the planet, and certainly the most famous person living on a farm a couple of miles from the town. Much gawping ensued. My heart still skips a beat when I think of it.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Well, lets see, I have conversed in email, several times with Simon Townshend. I have met all of the Beach Boys. I was at a backstage party with the band Molly Hatchet. I have met many professional baseball players at the Spring Training in Palm Beach, Florida.
I feel sure there have been other brushes, but I cannot think of any at this time.
Oh, and I just want to say that I am glad you have survived cancer and so glad to know you.  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

I've had a few. Quite a few. =)  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

HB - did he lose it in your play?

RR - I think that's the winner, since you actually did something with a famous person. Unless Lil Bit supplies more details ...

Alastair - that's a good one, he probably still is one of the most famous on the planet.

LA - these people you have met are unheard of here on the UnHeard Of Islands. Hang on! Did you say all the Beach Boys? Wow! Is Brian really as mad as .. well, as certain visitors to this blog?

LB - I'll bet you have. Say no more. ;)  

~

Post a Comment

05 June 2006 at 08:28

false alarm NDEs

One morning last week I tied the exercise weights to my ankles before I went walking, to give myself an extra workout. About half an hour into the woods, with not a soul around, I started to feel my heart throbbing, boing-boing, like in the cartoons. I thought - so this is how I'm going to die, miles from civilisation with nobody to rescue me, music blaring on the headphones till the batteries run out. Yippee! What a great way to go, quickly and alone in the wilds, with my dog by my side.

Well, obviously the pounding heart settled down again, the ideal death was not to be. But it got me thinking, and I remembered that there's always a down side to everything. If I had died, my beloved partner would have had to sort through all my crap and clear it out - hypothetically if I had a collection of porn, she would find it. And what about the dog? Would the dog leave me lying there and run off to call for help, like Lassie? In reality she would be more likely to dash under a car, so I resolved that my dying act would have been to tie her to me, so that at least one of us would survive.

We went away last weekend, well just along the bay really, to spend a night at the Club 18-50 resort. Naturally I was keen to get my money's worth, so as well as half-starving myself before the buffet breakfast, we had to turn up the room heating full-blast and strip off. After baking in the room for a few hours, I used the sauna, and then jumped straight into the outdoor pool to cool off. Of course, it's winter here, so the water was freezing, and I had my second Near Death Experience in one week. What a fortunate creature I am to be alive!



PS - the movie on the hotel TV was Galaxy Quest, about a bunch of sci-fi actors who are so believable that a bunch of aliens asks them to help rescue their planet. I'm now a bit nervous - when the Apocalypse comes, will I be inundated with people who want to shelter on the UnHeard Of Island?

Blogger hotboy said...

Alolf! Zeig! So pleased you managed to survive the walk in the woods. My advice is to stop walking immediately. It's obviously bad for you. This is bound to help. Hotboy  

~

Blogger alastair said...

rob

first, thankyou for your comments on my blog.

second - you gotta be careful when your heart goes boom diddy boom - unless Sophia Loren is in the near vicinity it's usually a warning - hotboy's right - stop walking!

I have to take aspirin every day - it thins the blood and makes it easier for the heart to pump it - I am not a doctor but I believe that everyone around about 50 benefits from an aspirin a day -

or is it an apple?

No, it's an aspirin - you might want to think about it.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Did you think that the doggie might start to eat you when it got hungry and you were lying there dead? I think it might. It would eat the hand that fed it. Or the other hand. Depends which was the most handy. A helping hand? Hotboy p.s. Well done with the heart attack of the future, BTW! I'm jealous, really I am. Only the lucky ones fall down dead!  

~

Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. Galaxy Quest is my favourite movie of all time - apart from the other ones I like more.

Anyway, its not so hot here today, and I wondered if you could help us with something.

Rick reckons that more snow falls in Oz each year than in the whole of the Alps in Europe.

That can't be dinkum?  

~

Blogger keda said...

hey yeah take care babe! scary. i did wonder where you'd got too. everythings been going a bit strange here the last few days. my site meter stopped working, old friends stopped coming by (who thanks to you i've now located, but as haloscan has decided it doesn't believe i'm who i say i am it wont let me access) and blogger itself seems a bit odd! it must me my incredible magnatism. that or the fact i have no idea what i'm doing.

either way glad you are alive.

which reminds me.... galaxy quest is brilliant. there's one line i sort of remember, when the arrive somewhere really quite dangerous and i think its sigourney who say "we have to take cover (or similar) before the extra gets killed!"
excellent.  

~

Blogger keda said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

~

Blogger keda said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Glad you didn't die! What are the chances of you being like a cat with 9 lives? I hope you don't try to find out.  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Just leave all the money to me! Then we could give it to Brian Wilson, who can remember nothing. After that, we could just trust in God. As you do! Hotboy  

~

Blogger robmcj said...

Thanks for the cautionary comments. Because I beat cancer a long time ago I tend to assume I'm invulnerable and can jettison common sense. I think the current expression, is "extreme hubris". I should take a look at where it's getting Bush.

Isn't Galaxy Quest a brill movie? I had only ever seen it on a plane, constantly interrupted.  

~

Anonymous Anonymous said...

home alarm systemhttp://www.alarmmonitorsecurity.infoWhen I was young i used tot hink that power and wealth would bring me happiness..........I was right.home alarm system  

~

Post a Comment

01 June 2006 at 10:16

the mother of all HNTs

My old dear (in some areas of Scotland, old dear = mother) takes exercise quite seriously for an 80-year-old. Hotboy lives in the gardener's quarters round the corner from her, and the two of them once shared an energetic Lady Chatterley moment in the woods. Naturally I have anonymised her features here - if he saw her face again it might bring it all back for him.

Also, there are some people after my inheritance, if they could just identify her on the way home from the bank.

Normally the old dear is excessively correct. Everything has to be perfect, just how she wants it. Sometimes she takes the scissors to photos, and cuts off anything that's not perfect. For example, in my own christening photo, she chopped out my father. True. And she loves throwing things out. If someone's not smiling in a photo, or they're not standing straight, or not wearing a tie, she puts it in the bin. But to her credit, she resisted the urge to throw me out when I was a kid.

In her dotage now, she's actually loosening up, or maybe just losing it. Last week she sent me 2 pictures. After this picture was taken, she got off the exercise bike and lined up my stepfather for a photo with the bike in the background.

You can see her second photo if you click the image. I'm so glad it got past her quality control.



PS - I've being template-tinkering, so now all comments show up twice, but I'll fix it.

HNT_1

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.

Blogger Suze said...

Oooh, that's so sweet. I see you got the clicky thing working this week.

Happy HNT sweetie ;)  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

Your mother sounds like 'quite a character'...in the best possible way, and her photos are almost as amusing as yours! HHNT!x  

~

Blogger keda said...

so that's where you get it from!

i laughed out loud. which the men putting a new door on my fridge found very funny, if a bit sad.

great picture. and hhnt babe*  

~

Blogger lime said...

tooo cute. how funny. your mum sounds like a feisty thing. good for her. happy HNT  

~

Blogger Lil Bit said...

Not playin' HNT this week afterall, but told ya I'd pop by to visit, so I am! =)

Your old dear sounds like a true dear!
*hugs* & HHNT!  

~

Blogger Wenchy said...

LOL Oh I loved that! Your mom sounds fabulous.  

~

Blogger Becca said...

I like your old dear already!! The photo is brilliant...as is the story behind it!

HHNT!  

~

Anonymous orchid said...

"Old dear" - charming! I wonder if I could train my kids to call me that? Your mother sounds like a card. HHNT!  

~

Blogger BKS said...

Nice story to go along with nice pic...hhnt to you

BKS  

~

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

Very cute! Go mom go! HHNT  

~

Blogger Lelly said...

...and they're wearing matching outfits! How cute! (though I suspect your mam would object to being called 'cute'!)  

~

Blogger hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! You've rubbed out your maw and your evil stepdad (how long has he been dead for?) has horns growing out of his head. Says it all. Bound to help! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Bellarosa said...

GO MOM


Happy HNT  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, that is great. I am impressed that your mom rides the exercise bike at that age. Your stepdad looks so cute with antlers coming from the side of his head!
Happy belated HNT! Great pictures.  

~

Post a Comment




Who Links Here
Who Links Here (short form)

Where people click from:
Locations of visitors to this page