Last month the Glasgow poet and singer Ivor Cutler died. One of a kind, he used to go up to people in the streets and give them self-adhesive labels bearing his words.
For example:
"To remove this label, take it off"
or, more seriously:
"Imperfection is an end, perfection is merely an aim"
open text
31 March 2006 at 12:53
ivor cutler
zomba said...
I say!
Ivor has passed on. How very sad. Enjoyed his output on many occasions. I wonder if he received air miles for his final trip.
On another, completely unrelated matter, but one which was occupying my mind prior to visiting Open Text, can you tell me what this blog. is about?
MM III
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Lee Ann said...
Sorry to hear that. He sounds like he was a very intriguing person.
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onan the bavarian said...
LA - yes, he brought a little happiness to many people.
MM - that blog makes me feel quite normal in comparison. I'll show it to my semiotic colleagues at the institiute.
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keda said...
ooh no. he was a lovely man.
i have quite a cutler collection, and he has made me giggle for many years.
'if your breast are too big you will fall over. unless you wear a rucksack.' is the shortest that i know but far from the most brilliant.
can you tell me where to find the one about pouring whitewash over people from an upstairs window in order to make new friends. or even the one about feeling the bumps on your head? i've misplaced them.
the lovely man will be sorely missed.
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onan the bavarian said...
keda - Ivor passed (get it?) your question on to someone who knows more than I do re Ivor.
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30 March 2006 at 19:47
HNT murder
Following the surprising reaction to my recent first feature, I have just released the follow-up film: The Death of Strawberry Man. If you're of a nervous disposition, I should warn you that there is a murder scene. I hope you'll like it.
PS - The video is perfectly SFW (suitable for work).
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
PS - The video is perfectly SFW (suitable for work).
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
Michelle said...
LOL that is just too funny!!!
HHNT ;)
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Unknown said...
Um, I totally loved that. And I really like strawberries. Great, great, great video. The laugh in the background is hysterical, too.
Gelukkige Halve Naakte Donderdag!
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Unknown said...
Hahaha that was good...
And you didn't hurt any vegetables but killed a fruit. Are you an anti-fruitist :)
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Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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OLY said...
Your a sadist!
I love it!!!
Happy HNT!!
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! I don't even know how to get this machine to do emails! But let me guess. There's a strawberry having sex with a grapefruit (?)at the back of a toilet block while being watched by a whole orchard of apple trees. Then everyone is beaten to death by a big banana! Hope it's better than that! Hotboy
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Lelly said...
How could you! What a terrible, unignified death for poor strawberry man *sob!*
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Spinning Girl said...
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Leesa said...
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lime said...
thanks for the great giggle. strawberry man is a hoot. will there be more?? happy HNT!
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Sandouri Dean Bey said...
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S said...
Can't wait for the sequel...but wait, didnt you eat him last week?
Happy HNT
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zomba said...
My dear RobMcJ,
Can I congratulate you on testbackground, which made me feel seriously queezy?
MM III
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zomba said...
I say!
Oh my goodness, Foxglove, my dear. Your HNT is too...how shall I put this...too arousing!
Reminiscent of past times at the Muthaiga Country Club.
MM III
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Moosekahl said...
That is hilarious! You could sell him on eBay. Happy HNT
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onan the bavarian said...
MM III - I knew you'd enjoy the testbackground. That's how I felt looking at your seaside photo.
I'll recommend it to hotboy as a bliss aid.
Moosekahl - thanks for dropping in.
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at 17:49
accentuated decadence
Lee Ann was posting about accents, and asked me "do you and Hotboy sound the same?" I have a video somewhere of me and Hotboy talking in Scottish. I'll post it one day, and Lee Ann can make up her own mind.
Hotboy is writing a book about fit young nubiles bending over to pick up imaginary things. It sounds like a goer.
Meantime, Spud's brother Usuff, who takes photographs of mandalas, is buying a new watch that uses GPS to measure his jogging speed while he runs. And I thought I was decadent! He already has a watch that measures his pulse and sets off an alarm if his heartbeat gets too high. That's what I need for proof-reading the hotboy book.
Hotboy is writing a book about fit young nubiles bending over to pick up imaginary things. It sounds like a goer.
Meantime, Spud's brother Usuff, who takes photographs of mandalas, is buying a new watch that uses GPS to measure his jogging speed while he runs. And I thought I was decadent! He already has a watch that measures his pulse and sets off an alarm if his heartbeat gets too high. That's what I need for proof-reading the hotboy book.
28 March 2006 at 08:47
seriously
Some people say blogging is just narcissistic. Well it can be, especially if you suffer from NPD. But today is Annual Unselfishness Day here on the UnHeard Of Islands, so I'm putting aside my own petty concerns.
I am preparing a letter to the editor of the UnHeard Herald. But before I send it, I'm inviting you to read it and let me have your thoughts, especially if you find anything ambiguous or unclear, or mistyped.
Seriously. Thanks.
Please let me know if there's anything you think I could clarify, delete or amplify. I'm not asking you to agree with what I'm saying, in fact feel free to disagree.
I am preparing a letter to the editor of the UnHeard Herald. But before I send it, I'm inviting you to read it and let me have your thoughts, especially if you find anything ambiguous or unclear, or mistyped.
Seriously. Thanks.
Letter to the editor:
Sloppy terminology and lazy thinking have made a mess in Iraq. We wish the people of the Middle East could live in peace and prosperity, but then we assume that all it takes to achieve that is an election.
In the West we've come to believe the sloppy mantra that "democracy is a good thing" (for the Middle East) and "the more democracy the better" (for our own society). In truth, democracy alone is useless - the reason Western societies are relatively stable and peaceful is that they spent centuries building and maintaining our civil liberties and the rule of law. Our electoral systems could not work otherwise.
That's why we call it "liberal democracy", not plain "democracy".
No wonder the people of Iraq are now disillusioned over their experiment with the ballot box. They wanted to believe our rhetoric that democracy would fix things for them, without the need first to establish the rule of law and guarantee civil rights.
To understand the folly in Iraq, imagine an experiment at the Flat Island jail - we sack the governor, send all the warders home, take the doors off the cells, and give the prisoners a ballot box and voting slips. It's hard to say exactly what would happen, but it wouldn't be peace, prosperity and individual liberty.(I might scrub the last paragraph)
And meanwhile we're letting our politicians continue to dismantle our own civil liberties in the name of the fighting terrorism. One day we could wake up with all our liberties gone except the right to vote, and we'll wonder why our democracy no longer works.
Signed, A. Doll-Fiddler.
Please let me know if there's anything you think I could clarify, delete or amplify. I'm not asking you to agree with what I'm saying, in fact feel free to disagree.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! As a sufferer from NPD myself, I say down with decadent bourgeois liberal democrasy! Firstly, we need Big Arnie, The Governator, to be allowed to be Pres then everyone can vote for me. One world government, here we come! America has a Bill of Rights and a constitution and a good currency. What's the matter with us all giving in. Once I become President of the World, everyone will be forced to do four hours meditation a day. Hi tech agrarian socialism. Free beer for the workers! Hundred foot statues of moi everywhere. That would be paradise for me! Of course, I'll be in retreat almost permanently and I'm certainly not talking to any flatheids. That would be bound help! Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
You have said it all. It is good that you are getting it off your chest.
Hotboy, you like Arni,huh?
The Governator, "will be back"!
:)
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zomba said...
I say Hotboy! Perhaps President of the UnHeards should be your initial goal.
MM III
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - thanks for offering your customary illuminating commentary.
LA - thanks, I'm glad it made some kind of sense.
MM - are you really trying to start a civil war?
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said...
Good for you...fighting back the right wing fascist tendency.
All I would say is
- why does 'West' need a capital letter?
- is the prison analogy sound...I doubt it...maybe wimmin going straight from tyrannical parent to philandering hubby would work better.
- do you need to make more than one point..ie starting in Iraq and ending with civil liberties back home?
- does election not have an 'r' in it?
Anyway...sorry about the school teacher approach...frankly I would ignore all of this apart from this - I first read the pseudonym as A dole fiddler! Nice one.
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27 March 2006 at 16:05
inequality shouldn't be allowed
In Britain, new research reveals that 50% of women have levels of self-esteem that are below average. That's terrible. Surely everyone has the right to be above average?
We shouldn't have to settle for just barely adequate, like this school.
We shouldn't have to settle for just barely adequate, like this school.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! This is too much on a Monday morning! If fifty percent are below average, then fifty percent must be above average. Is there nobody average? They should all get what I've got, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That would be a big help to the average! Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
I think that must be unusual. Most schools pride themselves on being the best (which would mean better than average).
I wonder why women have such low self-esteem?
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24 March 2006 at 07:14
HNT over the top
After months away from the pool, I overdid the swimming and sauna yesterday. Spent the afternoon sleeping and staring at the ceiling. Too exhausted to blog and almost too knackered for HNT this week. Thank you to planetdan.net for letting me use this photo.
And if you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.
And if you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.
Sources acknowledged.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Due to the cosmic yogic powers I am getting in touch with, I sense a downturn in the force. I suggest you look at the Heart Sutra. Are there sentient beings or not? This is ra question. Always, why is getting tired always a bugger on the thought process? Are tired people ever happy? Satiated? I hate being tired. Except when I like it. I hope this helps with ra balance. Hotboy.
p.s. I'm now charging for comments. That'll be five hundred slabs of VB please!
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! Did you shout something before that poor woman fell off her bike? LIke, here comes the jabberwalkie! I bet you did! That's no help at all! Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
OH WOW! Looks like that hurts!
I understand about being knackered. My workouts at the gym are wearing me out!
Happy HNT!
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Sunny Delight said...
wow quite a spill there! but interesting way to go bike riding. HHNT!
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Tess said...
Oh ouch! That just can not be good.
Happy HNT!
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Unknown said...
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OLY said...
What a classic!
great pic.. next time i wanna see you hot man!
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Lelly said...
Thanks for the kind comments Rob. Sorry to hear about your sauna/swim/exhaustion situation...but this pic kinda makes up for it LOL!
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lime said...
yeeeee-ouch! that looks exquisitely painful!
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BH said...
Talk about road rash. Ouch! Happy (belated) HNT!
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zomba said...
I say!
Your cluster map seems to have missed me off. Either that, or its something to do with the old satellite dish which beams direct to HQ.
MM III
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keda said...
as 'ouch', despite being the obvious first reaction, has been used and often, i'll have to use 'ooooohf, nasty' instead.
and the poor wet bugger... bummer.
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Spinning Girl said...
wow, that is one spectacular wipeout. also the click-to-reveal one. wow.
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21 March 2006 at 03:49
progress report
The job. Yesterday I taught all day and half the night, and I had a ball. I was well-prepared, and it was stuff that I have strong and well-constructed ideas about, so I really enjoyed the mixture of lecturing, discussion, and practical work. When people asked probing questions I was ready with answers or with questions to throw back to help them work out the answer. I think it's called Socratic questioning.
I don't often put on a performance, I believe it's better to let the students do more of the work. But I must admit that when the energy is flowing, performing is addictive and I can understand why actors and comedians get such a buzz out of it.
The right-hand RSI. The left-handed mouse skills are improving, especially now that I've reversed the mouse buttons on all the PCs at work and at home.
The Child-care. On Sunday I was the only parental figure in the house, and the boy wanted to work on his school Physics project - building an electric motor. Actually he wanted me to do the work, but I said I would simply advise him and let him do the real work.
We ended up spending all day building the thing, and it would have taken even longer if I hadn't stepped in and taken over whenever he was making heavy going of it. Often it's quicker to do the sawing/drilling yourself than stand by while a kid makes a mess of it. I don't mind watching students make a dog's breakfast of things when I'm being paid for it at college, but I lack the patience for that at home.
The blog template. The peek-a-boo display of comments is working well. And I've put a cluster map, at the right, of where people click from. Here's a zoomed version showing 4 days of hits:
Most of the clicks would have been guys trawling for HNT boob and bum shots, but you'll notice that one of the hits came from Turkey - that will be mamahog, an English woman who lives in Istanbul and posts about life as a funky Westerner in a (modern) Islamic country.
The TV. When I first came ashore in these Islands all those years ago, I was determined to "live lite", i.e. to avoid becoming weighed down by accumulated possessions, especially heavy contraptions that would limit my options for moving on.
So for a year I had no TV set. Then I succumbed and bought a wee pocket TV with a 1-inch screen. That was good for watching TV in bed under the blankets, but useless for watching sport, because fast-moving tennis-balls and footballs simply disappear from the screen, so you have to use a lot of imagination. Eventually, I cracked and bought a smallish TV set, the sort that some people put in their kitchens. I have used that for ten years. But you have to sit quite close to it - it's no good if you want to lie flat on your back on the floor wearing the light-bending space-age TV glasses.
When hotboy recently mentioned watching David Attenborough's TV wildlife series, I decided it was time to stop making do with a wee TV, and live a little. So last week I splashed out on a 68cm (29-inch) flat screen TV. It's still cheap old CRT technology but it's new to me. It's so heavy, it took 3 people just to lift it out of the box. I built an altar for it out of several coffee tables stacked up. Now the room's a temple to the electronic nipple.
And as soon as I finish this post I'm going to have breakfast then watch one of my favourite films, Trainspotting. I haven't seen it since the year it came out, so I've forgotten most of what happens, but I do remember it's a metaphor for addiction to tea. What a rush! I saw it originally in a crowded cinema - the appalled audience watched in stunned silence while we cackled ourselves hoarse in the back row.
I don't often put on a performance, I believe it's better to let the students do more of the work. But I must admit that when the energy is flowing, performing is addictive and I can understand why actors and comedians get such a buzz out of it.
The right-hand RSI. The left-handed mouse skills are improving, especially now that I've reversed the mouse buttons on all the PCs at work and at home.
The Child-care. On Sunday I was the only parental figure in the house, and the boy wanted to work on his school Physics project - building an electric motor. Actually he wanted me to do the work, but I said I would simply advise him and let him do the real work.
We ended up spending all day building the thing, and it would have taken even longer if I hadn't stepped in and taken over whenever he was making heavy going of it. Often it's quicker to do the sawing/drilling yourself than stand by while a kid makes a mess of it. I don't mind watching students make a dog's breakfast of things when I'm being paid for it at college, but I lack the patience for that at home.
The blog template. The peek-a-boo display of comments is working well. And I've put a cluster map, at the right, of where people click from. Here's a zoomed version showing 4 days of hits:
Most of the clicks would have been guys trawling for HNT boob and bum shots, but you'll notice that one of the hits came from Turkey - that will be mamahog, an English woman who lives in Istanbul and posts about life as a funky Westerner in a (modern) Islamic country.
The TV. When I first came ashore in these Islands all those years ago, I was determined to "live lite", i.e. to avoid becoming weighed down by accumulated possessions, especially heavy contraptions that would limit my options for moving on.
So for a year I had no TV set. Then I succumbed and bought a wee pocket TV with a 1-inch screen. That was good for watching TV in bed under the blankets, but useless for watching sport, because fast-moving tennis-balls and footballs simply disappear from the screen, so you have to use a lot of imagination. Eventually, I cracked and bought a smallish TV set, the sort that some people put in their kitchens. I have used that for ten years. But you have to sit quite close to it - it's no good if you want to lie flat on your back on the floor wearing the light-bending space-age TV glasses.
When hotboy recently mentioned watching David Attenborough's TV wildlife series, I decided it was time to stop making do with a wee TV, and live a little. So last week I splashed out on a 68cm (29-inch) flat screen TV. It's still cheap old CRT technology but it's new to me. It's so heavy, it took 3 people just to lift it out of the box. I built an altar for it out of several coffee tables stacked up. Now the room's a temple to the electronic nipple.
And as soon as I finish this post I'm going to have breakfast then watch one of my favourite films, Trainspotting. I haven't seen it since the year it came out, so I've forgotten most of what happens, but I do remember it's a metaphor for addiction to tea. What a rush! I saw it originally in a crowded cinema - the appalled audience watched in stunned silence while we cackled ourselves hoarse in the back row.
Sources acknowledged.
said...
Hey that map's great. I want one!
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! Why is that woman trying to hoover up the beach? How about a socratic dialogue for this heruclean task? e.g. What is daftiness? The map is good. I'd also like one, but I'd have to do something and that's not on. Doing things doesn't help at all! Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
I bet you are a great teacher. I would have loved having you for a teacher. I can understand how it is different at home than at school.
That is an awesome picture of you on the beach. Great scenery!
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The Rambling Taoist said...
I like the new look, particularly the map. That's way cool.
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Shame about your trigger finger being on the blink!I hope this doesn't stop you defending yourself against the orange deities! Have you got compen for such things on your side. That would help! Hotboy
p.s. Brian Wilson has the same problem!
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! BTW, I think Begbie, Rent Boy, etc., all went to the school I now work in. It's not Fettes College either! This might help put your students into perpective. Hotboy
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - compo! - what a great idea.
LA - You're much too kind.
Rambling - I copied the basic comment style from your blog. Imitation is the sincerest etc..
WB - go to clustrmaps and register.
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16 March 2006 at 09:42
HNT - strawberry man's narrow escape
Too late for this year's Oscars, I have just released my first cinema feature - Strawberry Man's Narrow Escape From The Jaws Of Death. It's in the eco-horror documentary genre. I hope you'll like it. If you look carefully, you can see his green willy.
PS - The video is perfectly SFW (suitable for work).
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.
PS - The video is perfectly SFW (suitable for work).
OLY said...
How kewl!!
Where did you get the strawberry man?? You should have sold him on Ebay!
but I bet he tasted great !! :)
Cheers!
Happy HNT!
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lime said...
LOL, that is too cute. Gads I love strawberries too! yum! happy HNT!
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Spinning Girl said...
That's just crazy. You're a bit zany, arntcha. Love it. HHNT and HSPD!
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Lelly said...
Wow! You're SO talented Rob! What an astonishing piece of film-making! (BTW...I really love your kitchen!)
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Fae said...
Holy weird Strawberry!
Cute Vid.
Happy HNT!
Fae
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S said...
That's so cute! I have to wonder, thought, where in the world do you get your berries? That one just seems wrong somehow! Happy HNT and happy film making!
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Melissa said...
LOL
I luv your imagination!!
That was hilariously silly!!
Happy HNT & SPD
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Lee Ann said...
That was the funkiest strawberry I have ever seen. Was that your voice Rob?
Loved the video.
Happy HNT and Happy St. Patty's Day! (hmmmm....guess I don't say that to a Scottsman, huh? ~ "the Happy St. Patty's day thing")
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Can't get this to happen here on the other end of the island. The steam driven computery thing said it would take a week to download and I'm sure it's all about staring at your willy, or some other weird voyeuristic stuff. I've tried twice. Is there any frauleins in the leiderhosen doing ethnic Bavararian dances? Women in frillies goosestepping about? I suspect so. Okay, I'll try again. Just shout, but remember there's a nuke in this cave. I'd like to see some of your relatives au naturel, but nothing works here. Hope this helps, but I suspect not. Heil! Hotboy
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onan the bavarian said...
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keda said...
what can i say....? suberb casting. the berry really put heart and soul into his part. and the scarey scot- awsome. invisidancergirl and the wonder/evilets are all for making a new version of the fabulous four... the lets fell about laughing and we had to watch it 7 times*
great work.
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Hotboy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! Of course, I haven't got broadband. Someone said it would be as cheap as this other thing since I wouldn't need an extra phone line, but you'd have to do something ... email or phone or something .... I don't do anything like that and the DB probably thinks the Martians are already in the machine. This doesn't help. Hotboy
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zomba said...
I say!
I was relieved to see that the Strawberry Man has some strategicaly placed leaves to save his embarrassment.
MM III
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Lil Bit said...
*giggling* TFF!
.... wanted ya to devour that lil guy there at the end. *crunch* ;)
Happy Belated HNT & SPD! =)
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15 March 2006 at 07:38
real football
There has been a lot of blogging about different flavours of football at the bliss blog. Here's my guide to football:
Growing up as a member of the Scottish lower middle class, I had to play Rugby Union at school to build my character. It's a miserable game for bullies and psychos. You're expected to make diving tackles in Scottish wintertime, landing on frozen mud sculpted into sharp points.
Here on the UnHeard Of Island, the main winter game is Rugby League. The TV companies spend a lot of money on it, so the camerawork and commentary make it fantastic to watch. I once went to see a live match in the stadium - it was a poor substitute for watching it on TV lying on the floor at home with a bottle of Number 8.
Australian Rules Football is a crap game. They try to make it exciting by putting in extra goal posts (8 goal posts!), they play extra halves (4), and they have extra scores (e.g 12 119 23). But it's still complete crap. Basically it's a pack of tall ex-convicts in singlets jumping high in the air for no good reason except to elbow each other in the face. Actually, I'm making it sound more interesting than it really is. The only watchable part is when someone scores, then the referee does a mime of Thomas The Tank Engine.
Soccer is good once every 4 years. The Aussies actually qualified for the World Cup this year, so the whole country will be unsufferable until they're knocked out. They're dreaming of beating England. Such faith! Australia should make the most of the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne this week, where they'll grab most of the medals ahead of tiny countries like St Kitts, and the UnHeard Of Islands.
The nicest thing you can say about American Football is that it's appropriate for American TV. For example, there are far too many player substitutions and pauses for ad breaks. Although for me, the ad breaks are actually the best part.
Growing up as a member of the Scottish lower middle class, I had to play Rugby Union at school to build my character. It's a miserable game for bullies and psychos. You're expected to make diving tackles in Scottish wintertime, landing on frozen mud sculpted into sharp points.
Here on the UnHeard Of Island, the main winter game is Rugby League. The TV companies spend a lot of money on it, so the camerawork and commentary make it fantastic to watch. I once went to see a live match in the stadium - it was a poor substitute for watching it on TV lying on the floor at home with a bottle of Number 8.
Australian Rules Football is a crap game. They try to make it exciting by putting in extra goal posts (8 goal posts!), they play extra halves (4), and they have extra scores (e.g 12 119 23). But it's still complete crap. Basically it's a pack of tall ex-convicts in singlets jumping high in the air for no good reason except to elbow each other in the face. Actually, I'm making it sound more interesting than it really is. The only watchable part is when someone scores, then the referee does a mime of Thomas The Tank Engine.
Soccer is good once every 4 years. The Aussies actually qualified for the World Cup this year, so the whole country will be unsufferable until they're knocked out. They're dreaming of beating England. Such faith! Australia should make the most of the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne this week, where they'll grab most of the medals ahead of tiny countries like St Kitts, and the UnHeard Of Islands.
The nicest thing you can say about American Football is that it's appropriate for American TV. For example, there are far too many player substitutions and pauses for ad breaks. Although for me, the ad breaks are actually the best part.
Lee Ann said...
Funny thing about American football. It is huge here in the states. Here in the south (especially in Alabama) College football is the main feature. Then there are other areas (like South Florida) that is all about the Pro football. It can be an interesting pastime. The big thing people do is tailgating. This is when they join friends prior to the game in the parking lot and grill burgers, or have sandwiches, fried chicken or cheese and wine.
It is a social event.
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onan the bavarian said...
Lee Ann tailgating sounds good. But do you have to watch the game at some point?
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! Nothing beats divebombing in zee stukas! They started showing American Football during the god slot on Sunday evenings when Channel Four started about twenty years ago. The game only lasts an hour!! Wonderful game. Poetry in motion! Where else will you see an ex-Olympic hurdler running for his life? Fab. So is Rugby League in Oz. NSW versus those northerners? Great sport. Nothing compares to watching Tommy Hearns fighting Sugar Ray Leonard. Courage, violence, artistry. Compared to boxing, Rubgy Union is for big English girls!! Hotboy
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keda said...
".....it was a poor substitute for watching it on TV lying on the floor at home with a bottle of Number 8." i wholeheartedly agree.
personally though i do LOVE a bit of real footie (soccer). mainly for the boys legs, but of course because i watched it since childhood and its also something thats easy to play anywhere.
thats the main reason i really want my girls to learn to play football at school. stuff netball and all that useless rubbish. if you can kick a ball you can make friends and amuse yourself anywhere- even if you can't find a ball!
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onan the bavarian said...
Keda - are you saying they let girls play football in Turkey?
Michael - I'll be linking some of your artwork in the future, if that's OK with you.
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14 March 2006 at 01:31
woolly thinking
Instead of singing “Baa baa, black sheep”, toddlers in Oxfordshire are being taught to sing “Baa baa, rainbow sheep”.
The manager of two nursery schools in Oxfordshire said:
The manager of two nursery schools in Oxfordshire said:
"This is fairly standard across nurseries. We are following stringent equal opportunities rules. No one should feel pointed out because of their race, gender or anything else.”
Sources acknowledged.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Three mice, who've had their vision restored, see how they run! Just like in the old days! Let's have no deviation from the aryan template! All non-tartan sheep to one side, please! Doesn't help much. Hotboy
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! If you don't get to point out the differences, how can I tell who the flatheids are? (Yes, I know that's everybody else, just about!) No help at all! Hotboy
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said...
i still say that's discriminatory, haven't the rainbow sheep been made fun of enough?
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keda said...
i apparently dont have OCD. i've just spent 20 minutes scouring the house for a book with fabulous 'yummy mummy' alternatives to all the old favourite nursery rhymes, i was given at christmas. but even with the wonderlets help it just can't be found in the general chaos! so this is the best i could come up with for politically correct versions
'georgie porgie pudding and pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry,
when the the girls began to play,
georgie porgie got banged up for innappropriate behaviour hooray!'
or
'bye baby bunting,
mummy's gone a hunting,
to get a fabulous fake fur or organic sheepskin,
to wrap the baby bunting in'
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09 March 2006 at 20:09
HNT - flying by the seat of my pants
Recently, somebody (perhaps Lee Ann) was blogging about being talked into taking a flight in a small plane. The safety record of small planes is not inspiring.
It reminded me of the first time I visited Australia, when I met a guy who asked me to spend the weekend at his family's farm. It turned out the farm was about 500 miles away, and he was going to fly us there in his 4-seater plane. His wife and kid sat in the back seats, so I had to sit in the co-pilot seat.
Once we were airborne, he asked if I had ever flown a plane. I said no, but I had used Microsoft flight simulator. "That's good enough" he said, and insisted I take over the controls while he poured us a cup of tea. I had heard that Aussies were a very casual breed, but this was ridiculous. After the tea, he read the newspaper, and refused to take back command until about half an hour before landing. What a thrill! That could never have happened in Scotland, or if it did we'd have ended up in jail for breaking dozens of laws, and hairdressing offences.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half naked posts here.
It reminded me of the first time I visited Australia, when I met a guy who asked me to spend the weekend at his family's farm. It turned out the farm was about 500 miles away, and he was going to fly us there in his 4-seater plane. His wife and kid sat in the back seats, so I had to sit in the co-pilot seat.
Once we were airborne, he asked if I had ever flown a plane. I said no, but I had used Microsoft flight simulator. "That's good enough" he said, and insisted I take over the controls while he poured us a cup of tea. I had heard that Aussies were a very casual breed, but this was ridiculous. After the tea, he read the newspaper, and refused to take back command until about half an hour before landing. What a thrill! That could never have happened in Scotland, or if it did we'd have ended up in jail for breaking dozens of laws, and hairdressing offences.
kimmyk said...
COOL pic!
How tight were you gripping the wheel? I'd be white knuckled and my fingers would be cramping if someone asked me to do that. LOL!
What a rush!
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Lelly said...
Great story! (Hairdressing offences???!) HHNT!
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lime said...
WOW!!!! Great story to go with that shot. i'm sure i'd have been white knuckled! happy HNT!
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OLY said...
Us Aussies are a good mob.. :)
Happy HNT!
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Leesa said...
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeog! Great photie! I see you have an earplug in. Good idea. The last photie on HNT seemed to have a penis sticking out of that earhole. Did you get it surgically removed or did someone buy it off you? Good trick though not much help in the end! Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
Rob, that is a spectacular story. I know it is great memories for you. You look so awesome sitting in the co-pilot seat. What a rush!
Happy HNT!
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Aisha T. said...
YIKES! Cool pic but makes me think twice when I step onto one of those little planes!
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MamaKBear said...
Wow! I'd have probably crashed!
Happy HNT! :)
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zomba said...
I say!
The person who said "I am afraid the war will end very soon now, but I suppose all good things come to an end sooner or later, so we musn't grumble." was Captain (later Field Marshal) Earl Alexander, 1917, in a letter home to his mother.
Where were we? Mrs M mixed a rather strong MGT tonight, and I have lost the track, so to speak.
Ah yes - four seaters. What a wonderful experience you must have had flying over the outback. It looks dark outside the cabin in your snap. When did this happen? Were you visiting Carslemane out at Daly Waters, or was he still resident in Zambia at that time?
I once enjoyed a flight round Arthurs Seat, in good old Edinburgh, in a trainer. Felt like being in an airborne Volkswagon.
MM III
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onan the bavarian said...
MM - I had a holiday job as a bounty-hunter. There was a rumour that Spud was hiding out down at Albany after the incident with the autoteller in Perth.
So when I got the offer of the lift from Perth, I jumped at it. I didn't see Spud, but my second flying lesson on the way home involved night flying on instruments.
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onan the bavarian said...
G'day Menzies. The grass in your garden looks like the lawns here in UnHeardovia, drier than a dead dingo's oxter.
Re the flight in the 4-seater. I had a holiday job as a bounty-hunter. There was a rumour that Spud was hiding out down at Albany after the incident with the autoteller in Perth.
So when I got the offer of the jaunt from Perth, I jumped at it. I didn't see Spud, but my second flying lesson on the way home involved night flying on instruments.
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07 March 2006 at 16:17
good old number 8
My poor friends in Scotland have been suffering snowstorms, and wondering whether their winter is ever going to end. But everything balances up: here on the UnHeard Of Islands, we're wondering: "when is this summer ever going to end?" I've just taken the dog for her morning walk, and even though it's officially autumn now, today's forecast is for sun and 27° Celsius.
So after I have breakfast at the cafe in the village, I'll be spending another day with no clothes on, blogging and listening to music, whiling away the time until happy hour at 4 p.m.
At last I've rediscovered the taste for beer, here's how it happened. The throat virus had ruined my sense of taste, so food tastes of nothing much. But of course everything balances up - so yesterday afternoon, when I opened a bottle of Number 8 brew (my favourite brew of the 10 I have made so far), it tasted twice as good as I remember. And the second bottle was even better than that. I stopped after 3, to avoid the risk of feeling any effects.
Tomorrow I'll take a selection of bottles with me to work, from brews 7, 9 and 10. I'll distribute them to a couple of colleagues who, like me, prefer taste to effect. I'm not sure if I like them enough to give them any of Number 8.
So after I have breakfast at the cafe in the village, I'll be spending another day with no clothes on, blogging and listening to music, whiling away the time until happy hour at 4 p.m.
At last I've rediscovered the taste for beer, here's how it happened. The throat virus had ruined my sense of taste, so food tastes of nothing much. But of course everything balances up - so yesterday afternoon, when I opened a bottle of Number 8 brew (my favourite brew of the 10 I have made so far), it tasted twice as good as I remember. And the second bottle was even better than that. I stopped after 3, to avoid the risk of feeling any effects.
Tomorrow I'll take a selection of bottles with me to work, from brews 7, 9 and 10. I'll distribute them to a couple of colleagues who, like me, prefer taste to effect. I'm not sure if I like them enough to give them any of Number 8.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! That old guy's showed up again! I thought you'd got rid of him! Liked the spinning thing. Stared at it then I had a fit. Fantastic! You'll clean up! Glad to help. Hotboy
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Lee Ann said...
Love that picture.
I just wanted to say thank you. You are always so kind and sweet.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Big hug for you and Hotboy!
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zomba said...
I say Robmcj!
Don't scrimp on the Number 8 brew, is my advice.
Little Stevie Wonder is one of Doviko's favourites, from my collection of CDs. He appears less enamoured with my Papa Nez albums (Michael Nesmith), though I imagine that the imagery of Tumbling Tumbleweeds in the Texas desert is not very relevant hereabouts.
Here's a quiz for you and anyone else who may read this.
Who said: "I am afraid the war will end very soon now, but I suppose all good things come to an end sooner or later, so we musn't grumble."
MM III
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Put on my first home brew for years and years. Burton Bridge Bitter. The man said it would make beer that was 5.16%, almost the same as the Wife Beater! Would like 3% so I could drink tons after being out running. What do you advise? Add more water? Blitzkreig it? How do you make beer with no beer in it? It would help if you could post about this. Hotboy
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Put on my first home brew for years and years. Burton Bridge Bitter. The man said it would make beer that was 5.16%, almost the same as the Wife Beater! Would like 3% so I could drink tons after being out running. What do you advise? Add more water? Blitzkreig it? How do you make beer with no beer in it? It would help if you could post about this. Hotboy
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The Rambling Taoist said...
It just goes to show that there is a weird sort of balance at work in this universe. Scotland has piles of snow, you have unlimited sunshine and we, here in Western Washington, are being inundated with copious amounts of rain. As soon as we each get use to our climatic circumstances, they will each change.
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - halve the sugar.
LA, Rambling T., MM III etc - due to RSI I'm economising on typing for now. Thanks for calling in.
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06 March 2006 at 15:16
for balance
Apologies to the thousands of American readers who may have been offended by the previous post. In truth, I have a lot of affection for the American people and their country, a great place last time I was there.
When I spent a long hot summer in Michigan at age 11, my dear Aunt Ina lent me her treasured transistor radio for the duration of my holiday with her. At that time, transistor radios were super-expensive and hadn't hit Scotland yet. Every day in Detroit, I would go out to play with the local kids, with my wee radio. What a treat for a music-mad boy!
Whether playing baseball with Marty and Maynard Buszek, or stealing apples from the next door garden, or chatting with the 3 girls across the road - Edith, Missee and the third one - I would have my radio turned up loud.
In Scotland there were only 3 radio stations - one for news, one for classical, and one to entertain factory workers. They didn't play much pop. But in Detroit the airwaves were choc-a-bloc with AM and FM stations. And what did they play? "Hello Muddah Hello Fadduh", "If I Had a Hammer," and a magical new sound, called Motown.
The best record of the whole summer was "Fingertips," the debut of a child prodigy called Little Stevie Wonder. Hearing it gave me goosebumps, and probably still does. My aunt (the other aunt) said "that's not the sort of music you should be listening to," and I realised I wasn't going to grow up to be a nice boy.
said...
i wonder if i'll ever say that to my kid, somehow i doubt it
~some asshole who deleted his blog (again)
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! A lot of Germans went to the Mid-west.And made beer. What made Milwaukee famous, made a loser outa me! Was you auntie escaping justice to be with the boys from the old country after the war? I'm surprised I ever had the hots for her. Fancying dead people can't help surely
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onan the bavarian said...
ray ray - do you know any more up-to-date ways to piss a kid off, that you can recommend?
HB - remember the German rellies never went to the U.S. It was the Scots Aunts and Uncles that fled the Ibrox clearances. Reading between the lines, I've worked out that you're angling for a pinup of a German aunt. I'll see what I can do.
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Lee Ann said...
Well, I think you are a nice boy!
*giggle*
Rob, it sounds like great memories of your time in the states.
I remember that picture....You have a large right arm!!!! hehe
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onan the bavarian said...
Lee Ann - good to see you back here. I feared I had offended you by going on about Bush. Hope the gym routine is working out. "Working out" - you get it?
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The Rambling Taoist said...
Why would an American be put off by your previous post? I rather agreed with it.
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Marty B said...
long time ago. adolescent years in Detroit. i'm new at this blogging stuff. found this site by chance. the 3rd girl across the street was Lucy (Edith was the oldest, Melissa, the youngest).
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Marty B said...
long time ago. adolescent years in Detroit. i'm new at this blogging stuff. found this site by chance. the 3rd girl across the street was Lucy (Edith was the oldest, Melissa, the youngest).
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onan the bavarian said...
Marty! Fantastic to hear from you!
You may not remember me, but I sure remember you guys. I lived with my Aunt Jessie and Uncle George, across the road from you.
Now I remember Lucy too. Somewhere I have a photo of them, and one of you and Maynard. If I find them I can blog them. Or let me know if you'd prefer me not to.
Best wishes from Robert.
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Marty B said...
Sure do remember, you & your brother, Peter. I believe it was your great-aunt & uncle. Their name was Davis. Wow, the internet is a wonderful thing. I believe I found your company (business) e-mail address. I prefer to communicate through e-mail. Privacy. I informed Maynard of our re-connection. Home brew. Now that's the way to enjoy beer. Good beer is good. Bad beer is just bad beer.
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04 March 2006 at 19:19
wise man in the east
Who said these words:
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
"I do know I'm ready for the job.
And if not, that's just the way it goes."
"They misunderestimated me."
Need a clue? Try here.
Bush was in India this week, offering them enough uranium to more than triple their output of new warheads. This was as a reward for India's years of defying the nuclear non-proliferation treaty.
Bush's suggestion that the nuclear deal is about global warming and reducing pressure on oil demand, isn't taken seriously by people in the know.
"The actual rationale is to develop a strategic relationship to deal with ... China," said Peter Hayes, head of San Francisco's Nautilus Institute, which studies energy and nuclear issues.
The lesson for Iran is that if you just hold out, eventually America will think you are important enough and they will break the rules to accommodate you.
But I do feel sorry for him, trying to reassure his country that the takeover of U.S. ports by D P World is safe (it has been thoroughly vetted by the Homeland Security officials and the Pentagon).
He can repeat forever that the United Arab Emirates is an ally in the "war on terror" and that to block the takeover would send a terrible signal to the Arab world. But in this politically hysterical environment, no one is listening.
Source: Sydney Morning Herald, 4 March 2006
Sources acknowledged.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! The boys from the old country want Big Arnie to be the next president. Them Americans need to change the law so that anyone from anywhere can become president. I'd like to become President myself one day when I've got my narcissistic personality disorder under control. I'd promise to attack everyone equally. This would help a lot! Hotboy
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Politics. World government. We should all be Americans and get a vote in the American elections. We should spend dollars. There should be states rights applied to us and everyone live in a loose anarchic association. This fits the globalisation of the telly. Appparently, half of east Africa is about to die of drought again. Where are MacDonalds? Why haven't they got the Hercules Aeroplanes flying in MacDonald shops to feet the starving and get good photie opportunities. I think it's time to start a site solving the world's problems.Do you think this would help? Hotboy
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onan the bavarian said...
It would help somebody, maybe McDonalds. Let them eat burger!
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02 March 2006 at 12:46
bloglines
Bloglines means never having to check your favourite blogs yourself.
It's made my life so simple.
It's made my life so simple.
Sources acknowledged.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Zeig! It's like the Schleswig Holstein Question. It's not simple if you don't know what it is! Hotboy
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! Had you heard of Criaglists by any chance? Hotboy
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - yes, and I've heard of a spell-checker. Have you?
Re Craig's List: try http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9803/25/online_comune/
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Lee Ann said...
That is cool!
No HNT today?????
Happy HNT anyway!
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - just go to http://www.bloglines.com/
It's all explained there.
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onan the bavarian said...
HB - I apologise for my earlier rudeness. It's the injured back and the lingering virus making me tetchy. That and being surrounded by rude Australians.
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Hotboy said...
Adolf! Heil! We've just had a brilliant snow storm!! Hope your back gets better! Hotboy
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Hotboy said...
Carsely! What a great lavvy!! Could you get one with a seagull swooping down to peck your pecker off? Hey, this is guy stuff! I don't think gurls can understand such fears. Adolf! Heil! Why don't you blog about your sore back? I love stuff like that. Diseases and everything. I bet you know everything about backs. It would help me to hear about your back. Hotboy
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onan the bavarian said...
Carsey - those toilets are actually in Queenstown. I went there once (Mrs McJay was born near there) but I didn't see those bogs.
HB - I sense a wind-up, but for the record the method of injury is related to Carsey's comment - by mistake I sat down hard on the edge of the toilet. Aren't you glad you asked? The next day I went to the wee old woman chiropractor and she worked her usual magic, and within hours my back was good as gold and I was blogginag again. What a fortunate creature I am!
LA - yes, I had a HNT all ready prepared, but with the back injury I wouldn't have been able to put in the time to publicise it, so I held it back for another week. The idea for the post came from one of your posts about flying in a small plane.
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