What's going on this week? Are Middle-aged Sensitive Scotsmen the new flavour of the month?
Yesterday hotboy had two fit women leaving comments on one of his posts, and was so flabbergasted that he mixed up their names when replying.
Then this morning I find that 3 attractive women have commented on the mundane post I did last night. It's almost enough to make me feel young again. And I've trumped hotboy. I can only assume that a freak overnight plague has taken the lives of all the clever young male bloggers out there. Whoopee!
It reminds me of when I still lived in Scotland, and a wise woman friend said "move to Australia, the men there are a dead loss, you'll stand out, the women will fall over themselves to get you."
Well she was right in a way. True, your average Aussie male does have some sterling qualities. Toughness, high pain thresholds and alcohol tolerance, tenacity etc., all the things that you'd want in a soldier or bushranger. But he doesn't believe in talking to women, except occasionally as a means to an end. Even these days, your average Aussie party still has all the women crowded at one end talking for hours, and the men huddled around the beer barrel, mumbling embarrassedly until the conversation turns to cricket or footy.
So when I migrated (for other reasons, honest) to Australia I did stand out. I'm a woman's man, I love the company of women1, where you can drop your guard2 and just have fun.
Also, for some reason any guy with a Scots accent has got it made in Australia with the women - by the time I found out about this it was too late to capitalise on it because I was already personacled to a feminist. Pleasantly I should add.
Of course as a soldier or hero I'd be a washout, a self-centred snivelling coward. Everything balances out in the end.
1 - and of men who know how to listen
2 - with a few painful exceptions
open text
31 August 2005 at 08:15
15 seconds of popularity
Hotboy said...
There's nothing the matter with being girlie and sensitive, Adolf!Aussie women scared me. They used to captain boats and ask you if you were with someone when you were staggering around the barbie. Fortunately, the Victoria Bitter kept me safe! Also, they weren't used to men going around with babies.
~
Horsey said...
I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, in California. I cannot tell you how many times I've gone to a bar, chatted up a woman, only to have her stolen by a Scotsman.
So the Scottish accent thing works here as well as it does in Australia. I can't explain it. But its true. Perhaps its the effect of that fucking Braveheart movie. The lasses expect you will lift your kilts and reveal massive talents, or some such thing.
Anyway I've had quite enough of it. I'm going to Scotland (or Ireland) one day. I'll visit for a month or so, and take the accent as my own. I'll keep it for life thereafter.
~
Heather said...
I think I'm in the wrong lockeroom.
In these here parts of the world, I think Aussie men are more amourized because of the climate and a certain soap opera called General Hospital. Scottish blokes are associated with Begbie and Sickboy from Trainspotting.
Put a scotsman, an aussie and a quebecker in an Eastern Canadian bar and you've some serious competition.
~
Hotboy said...
Poll to find out what kind of men were most popular with Aussie women when I was there came out strongly in favour of bricklayers. Brilliant choice. Aussieland is one place where a working man could get a fair crack of the whip. We know you'r a Gerry anyway, Adolf!
~
Hotboy said...
I offered horsey a chance to be my literary agent in New York. A fifty fifty split till he makes a million bucks. Do you think that's fair? Hotboy
~
jimmmer said...
Make love not war. That's my motto. While the fighters are out fighting, we're shagging their girlfriends!
Good on ya.
~
onan the bavarian said...
Heather. Think of a cross between Begbie and Sickboy, and you've got Hotboy. Don't let the buddhist jargon fool you, he's a wolf in lama's clothing. He studied pugilism before converting to Buddhism to impress the lassies.
Hotboy. As you well know, I am half-Scottish. The bottom half.
Horsey. When you get to Scotland, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that the Californian accent will open doors for you, if you get my meaning. No need to learn the Scots accent, with all that throat-clearing.
Jimmer, I'm not sure how many colalition troops read this blog, but they must be heartened to know you're looking after their interests.
~
said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~
30 August 2005 at 20:51
15 seconds of fame
I found a blog running a competition for the scariest comment about spiders, so I copied and pasted my own recent spider story at the end of all the other comments at Sloth's blog.
Sloth was kind enough to take back the trophy from the previous winner, and give it to me. Thank you Sloth. And I'd like to thank all those who made this possible. My loving wife, etc., etc., but I couldn't have done it without the spider that bit me in the night.
Sloth was kind enough to take back the trophy from the previous winner, and give it to me. Thank you Sloth. And I'd like to thank all those who made this possible. My loving wife, etc., etc., but I couldn't have done it without the spider that bit me in the night.
Heather said...
Shudders...did you furiously check your bedding for said creature? I don't think I would have returned until the place was fumigated.
I had a Korean student who was bitten by a 2 foot centipede. I saw such a beast up close. And it would send your puny funnel spiders running in mortal fear. It was uh-glee.
~
Lee Ann said...
Whoa! I can't believe that was someone from a support line. You were lucky.... ewww, I hate spiders.
~
onan the bavarian said...
Two-foot Korean centipedes, that is long! But once again Australia can beat that, there are earthworms up to 8 feet long. As you can imagine they like to stay well hidden underground, if a bird sees one it's fast food for an entire flock.
Heather. Just for the record, unforunately funnel-web spiders don't have fear, they're naturally aggressive, and will try to attack anything of any size. They rear up on their back legs and keep striking. I discovered this when I once tried to provoke one with a (very long) stick.
~
26 August 2005 at 16:37
reverse botox
I found a site that can show you what you will look like when you're older. What you do is upload a photo of a face, then choose how many years older you want it, and it does the transformation for you. Or if you prefer, it can do a gender swap. Here's some of the results I got.
This guy is pictured about 10 years ago, then with 40 years added, and as a female:
Myself aged 29 in the original picture, then 49, 69, and finally as a female
Captain Kev, aged 50 then 70 and 90
Hotboy aged 50 in the original picture, then 70, 90 and female
Adolf at 30, 70, and female
Hotboy and hotgirl
Me when I was age 11, then with 40 years added, then feminised
My brother
The dog
The site is at http://www.ifonlylifewasaspredictable.co.uk/
This guy is pictured about 10 years ago, then with 40 years added, and as a female:
Myself aged 29 in the original picture, then 49, 69, and finally as a female
Captain Kev, aged 50 then 70 and 90
Hotboy aged 50 in the original picture, then 70, 90 and female
Adolf at 30, 70, and female
Hotboy and hotgirl
Me when I was age 11, then with 40 years added, then feminised
My brother
The dog
The site is at http://www.ifonlylifewasaspredictable.co.uk/
Hotboy said...
What a laugh! I don't think these folk recognised the babe in me somehow! Also, I've no idea how old the clean shaven Hotboy is! About twelve? Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
I'd guess you were about 30. It was 1982 or 3. Don't put yourself down, the bearded lady looks cute.
~
onan the bavarian said...
At least it looks like you'll still be alive at 90. Adolph at 70 doesn't look too healthy.
~
Hotboy said...
My Uncle Peter says sometimes folk fall off their perches when they look okay. Remembering you might be dead tomorrow is supposed to be a way to turn towards the juju. But you've had a black spot already that failed. Fancy a non-working black spot. Blind Pugh's one worked fine! Hope this helps. Hotboy
~
Heather said...
Well...that was...freaky. Fo some reason the aging process makes one look like a meth addict. Is there no such thing as aging gracefully? Please? Pretty pretty please? And the feminized adolfs look more like Bill Gates...with a 'stache.
P.S. TAG you're it!!
(so you don't have to worry about the ettiquitte around these things anymore)
~
onan the bavarian said...
Heather. At last someone's asked me to dance!
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. Fair enough, but it's been done before (Castaneda). Bit you're right. The great thing about getting cancer is - you never again need to worry about getting cancer.
~
Lee Ann said...
~
24 August 2005 at 19:19
explain this
I'm the last person to complain about a bit of healthy weirdness, you only have to look at some of the stuff on my blogroll, for example Angsthammer.
But even I was dumbfounded when I stumbled on Eggagog.
Can anyone explain what is going on? I'm fascinated and appalled that someone could be so meticulously insane. And there are hundreds of comments.
Long ago, I used to think everyone except me was normal. These days, half the world is off their heads, and the other half is off their faces on one drug or another. Am I one of the few normal people left?
Hotboy said...
For years I told myself that I was normal, or the norm. If you're the joe who's taking it in and processing it, how else can you see it? But I don't think I'm normal now. Flatheids are normal. You don't want to be normal. Most of them are miserable and don't even know it. I'll have to think about this! Hotboy
~
Lee Ann said...
I wonder that of myself sometimes. I mean, I feel normal, but it doesn't appear that is of the norm!
~
onan the bavarian said...
As usual, I'm swimming against the stream. Unlike you guys, I had never thought I was normal. Nowadays I seem to be boringly normal in many ways. This may be progress.
Does it mean I have changed, or just that I was a pioneer of abnormality, an Eggagog in my day, but the rest of the world has now overtaken me?
~
Hotboy said...
"Long ago I used to think everyone else except me was normal." Well, smell the coffee, Adolf. The Third Reich wasn't normal. It might have been because of you that I decided I was normal. Before that I looked like Clark Gable. I hope this helps! Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. One's Gableousness can be ascertained at reverse botox
I hope this helps.
~
23 August 2005 at 13:00
the unlikeable bareness of being
I'm all out of ideas today, so I'll feed off some other people.
picture from upsideyourhead, heading by seb mcglasgow
picture from upsideyourhead, heading by seb mcglasgow
Hotboy said...
Family history, Adolf! You've got tons of it. All those blond, blue eyed joes like me! Hotboy
~
Heather said...
Nothing suprises me anymore. He's super rich and I am cynical.
I am also in deep dgratitude that SHE is in the thong, er g-string whatever the hell you call that bathing suit up her ass.
h
~
onan the bavarian said...
Cher. Good point. Coincidentally the same reason I used to wear a knee-length kilt.
~
jimmmer said...
~
22 August 2005 at 09:32
support down under
Before I came to Unheard Island, I spent 10 years in Sydney. Australia is big on counselling and telephone hotlines for emotional support. For example, when the opening ceremony for the tunnel under Sydney harbour was drawing near, so many people were distraught with fear of driving through it, that the government set up a 24-hour counselling hotline to talk motorists through their fears.
Australia has hundreds of phone support services, including the national 24-hour poisons advisory service (to advise on snake and spider bites, fish and jellyfish stings, all potentially deadly).
Once, in the middle of the night, something bit my leg, and within minutes it was painful and swollen. Right away, I dialled the poisons advisory service, and heard the following recorded message: "all our poisons advisors are busy, your call is important to us, please hold the line". If this is how many people need poisoning advice at 3 in the morning, imagine the daytime demand!
So I held on, listening to Greensleeves for about 25 minutes, while I tied on a tourniquet and got dressed in case I had to find a hospital. It was getting pretty sore, and I was growing uneasy, especially since I was living in the suburb with the highest concentration of the most poisonous spider on the planet - the Sydney Funnel Web Spider (don't look at this de-fanged example if you're arachnophobic).
I was about to hang up when a chirpy person came on the line, panting as if she had just got back from having a smoke, or sex with the night watchman. She apologised for the delay.
I described my symptoms, and asked if it could be a spider bite. She said it probably was. Then she added the words I wanted to hear: "but it's not a funnel-web spider".
Relieved and impressed, I asked her how she could decide that over the phone.
"That's easy mate, if it was a funnel-web spider, after the time you've been hanging on, you wouldn't be talking to me now."
Horsey said...
Haha, those wacky Australians. Sigh.
Honestly though, someone I know got bit by a scorpion in South America. Her foot puffed up like someone had inflated it with a bicycle pump. But she went to a hospital and in like 48 hours it went back to normal. She then got impregnated by some guy from Texas, and 8 months later another part of her was swollen just as big.
~
onan the bavarian said...
I'm guessing the hospital removed that lump too.
~
Hotboy said...
Guy sleeping in the bush saw the end of the snake going into his sleeping bag. Didn't know what kind. Waited. In the morning, it slid out again. Long wait.
~
Hotboy said...
Guy sleeping in the bush saw the end of the snake going into his sleeping bag. Didn't know what kind. Waited. In the morning, it slid out again. Long wait.
~
21 August 2005 at 11:27
testing
a link to hotboy: RaBlissBlog
a link to robmcj: open text
a 640-wide hello photo, no width specified:
a hello photo with WRAPPED TEXT (640-wide but 50% width specified):
SOME TEXT WHICH SHOULD BE WRAPPED BESIDE IMAGE. SOME TEXT WHICH SHOULD BE WRAPPED BESIDE IMAGE. SOME TEXT WHICH SHOULD BE WRAPPED BESIDE IMAGE. SOME TEXT WHICH SHOULD BE WRAPPED BESIDE IMAGE.
a TEXT LINK to a hello photo OPENING IN A NEW WINDOW/TAB:
In Kilburn
Yacht near Lindos
a CLICKABLE PHOTO LINK FROM a 400-wide hello photo LEADING TO THE 640-wide equiv photo OPENING IN A NEW WINDOW/TAB:
Cambridge punting
Hotboy said...
When did you take up pole dancing?
~
Hotboy said...
The photie at Kilburn is more like it, Adolf!
~
onan the bavarian said...
Interesting that a garbage test that I posted by mistake gets more comments than a genuine comment. Maybe I should just keep posting the same post.
~
20 August 2005 at 16:48
not like a rolling stone
The world's rock and film stars recently decided that Bob Dylan's Like A Rolling Stone was the most important cultural moment of the last 50 years. Although it was a fantastic sound, for me they chose the wrong performer (but the right songwriter).
Many people already know that Dylan has said he actually preferred the Hendrix version of All Along The Watchtower, and it also ranks as #48 in Rolling Stone's list of 500 greatest recordings.
I'd go further than Rolling Stone, and say that after Hendrix recorded it, he and everyone else might as well have put away their gear, because nobody since then has come close to doing anything so new and wildly exhilarating. Not just his playing and singing, but the intro, the drumming, the barely-controlled energy, the use of discords for effect. And of course Dylan's words and tune. I heard it again on the radio last night, on a big A.M. radio just like when it first came out, and almost gasped at such mastery.
And I just noticed something else. Not only does the third Hendrix album contain this song, but its name, Electric Ladyland, contains the word Dylan. I can find no reference to this on Google, so if Google doesn't know about it, it means I've just had my first-ever original thought, and my life has not been a waste of time after all.
Some more trivia: Hendrix changed some of the words, nonsensically perhaps - "None will level on the line, Nobody of it is worth"
The correct lyrics are available at e.g. Mireille's blog, and there's discussion of their meaning here, a nice analysis of the recording here, and some opinions here.
I'm hoping for some opinionated comments here, arguing that Smells Like Teenage Undies, Corn In The Usa, and You Are The Wind Beneath My Kilt, etc. are works of superior genius.
Many people already know that Dylan has said he actually preferred the Hendrix version of All Along The Watchtower, and it also ranks as #48 in Rolling Stone's list of 500 greatest recordings.
I'd go further than Rolling Stone, and say that after Hendrix recorded it, he and everyone else might as well have put away their gear, because nobody since then has come close to doing anything so new and wildly exhilarating. Not just his playing and singing, but the intro, the drumming, the barely-controlled energy, the use of discords for effect. And of course Dylan's words and tune. I heard it again on the radio last night, on a big A.M. radio just like when it first came out, and almost gasped at such mastery.
And I just noticed something else. Not only does the third Hendrix album contain this song, but its name, Electric Ladyland, contains the word Dylan. I can find no reference to this on Google, so if Google doesn't know about it, it means I've just had my first-ever original thought, and my life has not been a waste of time after all.
Some more trivia: Hendrix changed some of the words, nonsensically perhaps - "None will level on the line, Nobody of it is worth"
The correct lyrics are available at e.g. Mireille's blog, and there's discussion of their meaning here, a nice analysis of the recording here, and some opinions here.
I'm hoping for some opinionated comments here, arguing that Smells Like Teenage Undies, Corn In The Usa, and You Are The Wind Beneath My Kilt, etc. are works of superior genius.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! I saw Hendrix at the Isle of Wight in 1970. He played two songs (one God Save The Queen) and then stopped to tune his guitar. That's when I fell asleep. (Well, I'd been having a busy time!)Not many people can say they fell asleep during a Hendrix concert! Hope this helps. Hotboy
~
Heather said...
I keep thinking there is noting remotely as "emergently exciting" happening in the music scene now - not like when Hendrix was alive anyway. Everything today is so recycled and BTDT.
On the upswing, I am glad to see that my all tine favortie made the top 20.
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/6598003
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. Did you go to the Pink Floyd concert at the Edinburgh University pill centre? That's the only one I ever slept through, due to an altered state of consciousness.
Heather. Your favourite, Astral Weeks. I first heard that during another seriously-altered state, and as a result it was burned into memory, although I was actually wary of ever listening to it again. I remember it had a texture like honey.
~
onan the bavarian said...
BTDT - Before The Days of Terrorism?
Before The Deluge of Tripe?
~
19 August 2005 at 18:01
blog talent
I've been enjoying some jaw-dropping blogs. I've added them to the blogroll, but to make it easy for you, here they are for your pleasure:
horse product
the drugs had no effect
pop fizz
the everglades
upside your head
the casual friday
castle of nannbugg
skatterbrained (dead as of 20 August)
paulius' blog
There is also one more blog, but that one's so weird I'm saving it for a post all by itself.
horse product
the drugs had no effect
pop fizz
the everglades
upside your head
the casual friday
castle of nannbugg
skatterbrained (dead as of 20 August)
paulius' blog
There is also one more blog, but that one's so weird I'm saving it for a post all by itself.
Hotboy said...
Only got through the first four! I spend at least an hour a day these days on blogs. How about you, Adolf? It canny be right, you know!
~
Hotboy said...
Went through them, Adolf! They're dead interesting. Upside your Head has got good photies. Also, Brian Wilson told me yesterday that visitors on blogpatrol are visitors (no daft that boy!) and hits are visitors clicking on bits of blog. Is this true?
~
Hotboy said...
Tried to post a comment on Sloth's blog, but I couldn't get the clicky thing to work. You should tell her what a "diddy" means in Scotland, Adolf!
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. Done.
Sloth. Thanks for the info, I've amended the last two. And you're right, the link to the second guy shows his crap stuff, I have changed it to show his earlier better posts.
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. Was that Brian the goldfish? Don't believe a word.
~
Horsey said...
I heard that the guy who writes that first blog is amazingly handsome, has a gigantic dong, and saves orphans from fires in his free time. Also he has super important people as friends. The pope drops by his pad all the time to play Xbox. Also he has a thick lustrous head of hair, and is powerfully built, like hercules or Governor Schwarzenegger.
~
Lee Ann said...
Very cool...Thanks for the link!
~
18 August 2005 at 13:54
starving children
Never say I'm not kind to children.
These underfed kids were left to look after themselves while their parents lived in luxury at the Club 18-50, further along the bay.
They were begging, but I didn't want to encourage the attitude that life gives you something for nothing. So I promised them a dollar for every helping of my special seaweed and blubber soup that they could eat in a one-hour period.
The photo shows them at the 50-minute mark, fighting over the bowl. The one on the right was about to throw up in it.
I've got to admire the way they managed to eat 37 helpings between them. Luckily I didn't need to pay up, since technically they vomited most of it onto the sand as you can see. But I let them have the soup for free.
These underfed kids were left to look after themselves while their parents lived in luxury at the Club 18-50, further along the bay.
They were begging, but I didn't want to encourage the attitude that life gives you something for nothing. So I promised them a dollar for every helping of my special seaweed and blubber soup that they could eat in a one-hour period.
The photo shows them at the 50-minute mark, fighting over the bowl. The one on the right was about to throw up in it.
I've got to admire the way they managed to eat 37 helpings between them. Luckily I didn't need to pay up, since technically they vomited most of it onto the sand as you can see. But I let them have the soup for free.
Hotboy said...
I think that's the end of hunger as we know it! Seaweed soup! Just lose the blubber as the whale huggers might object! I've quite lost my appetite now!
~
jimmmer said...
That's the coolest outreach programme EVER!
~
Horsey said...
You've clearly lost perspective of how to live your life! How could you abuse these children, these valuable resources for our future, in this way.
Myself, I would have fed them, dressed them warmly, and then shipped them to Azebaijan, to be sold as slave labor.
~
17 August 2005 at 07:24
head job offered again
My employers at the McDonald Institute offered me that section head job again. This time there was something in it for me (it means I can drop the class where I was teaching postmodern HTML) so I accepted. The relief in their eyes told me that they've already offerred it to umpteen people, who all turned it down.
I asked for a desk diary, but apparently they don't issue them any more. Presumably everyone these days uses the PC or a PDA. But how do you type your diary while holding the phone? Anyway, my first hour in the new job was spent changing the dates in an old 2003 diary, to 2005 dates.
Talking of diaries, I am currently reading the 800-page Kenneth Williams Diaries. He was the camp British actor who finally killed himself in about 1990.
People either loved or detested him, and I always liked his intelligence and expressiveness. The diaries are fascinating. He was a troubled man, with lofty principles and a lot of insight into his failings.
I asked for a desk diary, but apparently they don't issue them any more. Presumably everyone these days uses the PC or a PDA. But how do you type your diary while holding the phone? Anyway, my first hour in the new job was spent changing the dates in an old 2003 diary, to 2005 dates.
Talking of diaries, I am currently reading the 800-page Kenneth Williams Diaries. He was the camp British actor who finally killed himself in about 1990. People either loved or detested him, and I always liked his intelligence and expressiveness. The diaries are fascinating. He was a troubled man, with lofty principles and a lot of insight into his failings.
Sunday 20 November 1966
I ask for the sign - to tell me there is some purpose for my life - an emperorship somewhere - where I shall exert the sway of sensible and polite power, which will be read about in later years by admiring scholars who learn amazedly about this worthless actor who became a mighty ruler.
Even masturbation denied me today, 'cos I caught my cock in the zip fastener and it's quite painful.
Monday 21 November 1966
My dick still sore from the zip fastener mishap.
Hotboy said...
The zip thing does not make for meditative equipoise. Also, the boy didn't meditate, so he didn't get any of ra bliss and of course kilt himself! The fate of flatheids everywhere!
~
Hotboy said...
Also, why isn't yon jobbie still a disaster area? Can you claim lots of time off with diarhoeaea?
~
onan the bavarian said...
Good point, I had forgotten about the disaster area aspect of the job. I accepted because I fancied a bit of a challenge, and because of a vestigial sense of duty.
Too late to go back now. Watch my gradual decline in coming weeks, and be grateful that you're a roundhead.
~
Horsey said...
That cock in zipper thing has never happened to me. What does that say about me? Do I lack verve and spontaneity? Am I overly cautious?
~
onan the bavarian said...
Horsey. Anyone who jacks in a "perfectly good job" as my mother would call it, is not suffering from excessive caution. Maybe like me you're just not enough of a klutz to gash your own dick? Or maybe you're like some of the people where I work, who drop their breeks all the way to the ground, just to take a leak.
I have noticed it's mainly South-East Asian guys who do it, so it may be a cultural practice rather than a fear of a log-jam in the zip.
BTW, apologies for my callous reference to work, possibly a sensitive area for you just now. For years now I've been barely employed, or self-unemployed, and it was one of the few good decisions I ever made. Good luck.
~
16 August 2005 at 18:34
tracked down
News! Lex, a school friend I last saw about umpteen years ago has found his way to a post where he is mentioned, and he left a comment here.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Hotboy said...
I wouldn't know if someone put a comment on my blog if it was in a back post. How meticulous of you!
~
onan the bavarian said...
Thanks, but I can't let my germanic thoroughness take the credit. I simply set blogger to email all new comments to me. It's in Settings/Comments.
~
14 August 2005 at 11:44
what I learned from hotboy
Some of the things I have learnt over the years from Hotboy
- 1 - The value of ear protectors
- One of the best purchases I ever made was a pair of industrial earmuffs, rated at 35dB. Hotboy uses them while he's writing his books, but they're useful in all kinds of situations.
At work, when the person who shares my office phones her family for a screaming argument, I put on the earmuffs and carry on working.
At home I keep a pair of ear protectors in the kitchen. That way, when the people I live with choose to operate the blender or practice their Greek plate-smashing dance precisely when I'm cooking, I pop them over my ears and carry on without tinnitus.
I reckon the whole world would get along perfectly if everyone had a pair. The only thing better than that would be if I was licenced to kill noisy people. - 2 - The value of diarrhoea
- I was working in a dead-end job for Edinburgh Council, where the only thing that kept me sane was taking sick days as often as possible. The problem was, I had run out of medical excuses, after already using sore stomach, sore back, flu, etc., and the management was starting to query my sick days.
Hotboy suggested I forget about thinking up new illnesses, and always just give them the same excuse - diarrhoea. Because let's face it, bosses are too embarrassed to question you about it. This advice has served me well over the years. - 3 - The value of Led Zeppelin
- Because there are times when nothing but Led Zep will do. Listen up kids, don't do drugs. But if you do, remember to use Led Zep at the same time. If Led Zep doesn't sound fantastic, you've been sold dud drugs. Try and get your money back
Hotboy said...
The earmuffs look exactly like the ones I'm wearing now, except mine are red!! You can be a member of the family watching teevee with your eyes rolled up if you've got these. Just sit nearer the screen. I don't remember about the diarhheeooa, but it sounds like good advice to me. Also, I never listen to music now since you can't hear it properly with the earmuffs on!Hope this helps. Hotboy
~
Blake said...
Yeah, diarrhoea is a true winner. The key to telling a lie and getting away with it is making it so embarassing that people won't question it, and as you said, diarrhoea is right on the money.
Blake
~
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Everglades is into writing! It's amazing that all the interesting folk hit your blog. Could you get him to re-write one of mine useless books so we could all end up in ra money? I think people should steal the ideas and then give me a small pittance to help me survive in ra hut! A small slip of sustenance to hit ra needs! Fancy being 24. You were still suffering from the mustard gas at that point. Hope this helps. Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. I just leave comments at blogs that I like, and those bloggers, if they're decent people like yourself, return the compliment.
PS How 24?
~
13 August 2005 at 14:46
could we have a circus with that, and drop the music?
Opera is really just music for people who wish they liked music, but in truth find it too boring. These people are happy to pay top dollar for the visual distraction of colourful costumes, sets, movement and melodrama.
People who actually enjoy Mozart know that it's best listened to at home on a CD, or for the live experience you can go to a concert at half the price of an opera.
Next year, the dumbing down of music to deal with attention deficit breaks new ground. Sydney Opera House is putting on Mozart's Magic Flute, with ...
Photo of rehearsals: "Do we have to have music?"
People who actually enjoy Mozart know that it's best listened to at home on a CD, or for the live experience you can go to a concert at half the price of an opera.
Next year, the dumbing down of music to deal with attention deficit breaks new ground. Sydney Opera House is putting on Mozart's Magic Flute, with ...
"... daring aerial wizardry ... physical theatre ... expect exotic beasts, dancing animals, death-defying stunts, and above all, be amazed by Mozart's sublime music."Note the reference to Mozart as an afterthought.
Photo of rehearsals: "Do we have to have music?"
Hotboy said...
It's a good way to subsidise rich people. They'd be better off giving the money to me! Also, they could do better with the stories/drama maybe. Hotboy
~
Hotboy said...
You protesteth too mucheth with thisith! Opera lovers don't like music? What's the world coming to!
~
Heather said...
Last year I saw the Royal Winnepeg Ballet perform the Magic Flute. There was a styrofoam/snow fight at the end. Lots of cute butts though. But we were there for the dancing, not Amadeus.
Perhaps Hotboy could write an Operetta from one of his literary masterpieces?
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. If Lorenzo Da Ponte could do it, so can you. Let's go with Heather's proposal and collaborate on a West End musical. I already have several ukulele tunes I could adapt. Is there a snow scene in Right in the Dark? What about a nude scene?
~
12 August 2005 at 08:09
america the bellyful
Jess said...
~
Hotboy said...
This is definitely not a babe in a brownshirt, Adolf! Certainly not a glorification of the human form! Hotboy
~
jimmmer said...
Is he smuggling a baby elephant under there?
~
Hotboy said...
Jimmmer has a great blog full of half naked people. I spent ages looking at the photies. You should take a leaf out of this boy's book, Adolf!
~
onan the bavarian said...
I've spent many a happy hour at his blog. Can't you do something similar? Surely you must know some fit young buddhists who find Scottish weather too hot for clothing?
~
11 August 2005 at 14:15
beer everywhere
When I rediscovered the joys of home-brewing, I got a bit carried away, and now I've got over 200 bottles of beer. What to do with them? I tried giving some away to the hermit in the cave, and he was very polite but he prefers something with alcohol in it. My beer is tasty but almost alcohol-free.
So then I set myself the target of drinking a bottle every night. At that rate it will take 6 months to drink it all.
Then this week I stumbled on a little-known secret. If you eat salted popcorn with your beer, you can drink twice as much. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself.
So then I set myself the target of drinking a bottle every night. At that rate it will take 6 months to drink it all.
Then this week I stumbled on a little-known secret. If you eat salted popcorn with your beer, you can drink twice as much. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself.
Hotboy said...
Sell it at a car boot sale. Tell folk it's dead strong and put them off drinking for life!Alcohol free alcohol? Whoever thought of that?
~
Hotboy said...
Sell it at a car boot sale. Tell folk it's dead strong and put them off drinking for life!Alcohol free alcohol? Whoever thought of that?
~
onan the bavarian said...
~
Hotboy said...
You've got a stutter. Just imagine if it had any alk in it!
~
onan the bavarian said...
Whose stutter? Anyone who has heard of projection, will realise what's going on here.
I hope this helps.
~
10 August 2005 at 11:04
welcome back
Hooray! Star bloggers Hotboy and PinksAndRoses are back online. They returned last weekend from their volunteer work in Mexico, teaching peasants how to spell and meditate. Some people (not me) would say Mexicans hardly need to be taught how to relax.
Hotboy said...
Mexico would be a good place to go because of the wee people.
~
onan the bavarian said...
Leprechauns in Mexico? i suppose it's possible.
~
Jess said...
there's tons of leprechauns in mexico. maybe you haven't been looking hard enough.
~
09 August 2005 at 23:29
a foretaste of non-existence
I've had a preview of Armageddon. I went to the blogpatrol site, to see how many visitors I have been getting in the last couple of weeks.
My heart sank when I saw I've had no visitors at all, but then I realised it's a spurious count. I caused it myself when I designed my new blogger template and forgot to paste in the counter code.
I fixed the problem on Thursday the 4th. That's better, but who are these visitors? Maybe you're one of them.
My heart sank when I saw I've had no visitors at all, but then I realised it's a spurious count. I caused it myself when I designed my new blogger template and forgot to paste in the counter code.
I fixed the problem on Thursday the 4th. That's better, but who are these visitors? Maybe you're one of them.
said...
I'm real. If only there was a free blog counter. The way to increase traffic is to post to other blogs. I have a butt-load of childhood stories, but I need to build up my viewership first. No one reads archives. Reat assured, the stories shall continue...
~
Hotboy said...
Adolf! Amazing that anyone looks at blogs at all! Especially ones from a dog on the Unheard of islands, which no one has ever heard of! Once you've got a handsome photie of me up there, the robots will just simply flock! Hotboy p.s. it might help if you said you played the guitar. Not many dogs can do that.
~
onan the bavarian said...
I feel a ukulele challenge coming on. Name the place and time.
~
at 11:41
pantsaclava weather
The weather here at this time of year is perishing. Here on UnHeard Island it has just changed from 3-jumper to 4-jumper weather.
The penguins are immune to facial frostbite, but humans need to wear a pantsaclava in bed at night to keep the ears from freezing solid.
It's almost enough to make me long for the old days in Australia, where I used to scoff at the wimpish winters. In Sydney, no sooner had you dug out your hot water bottle than winter was all over and the pullovers were packed away for another year.
The penguins are immune to facial frostbite, but humans need to wear a pantsaclava in bed at night to keep the ears from freezing solid.
It's almost enough to make me long for the old days in Australia, where I used to scoff at the wimpish winters. In Sydney, no sooner had you dug out your hot water bottle than winter was all over and the pullovers were packed away for another year.
Hotboy said...
Adolf! You've fixed it! Anyway, I'm blogging about death and I'm just fed up with you going on about your operations when what we need is more photies of nice frauleins!Don't know if this works for you. Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
Hotboy. I've sincerely tried to make sense of your comment. Have you been hitting the Weizen again? Fixed what? What operations? The recycling of underpants as a pantsaclava is a traditional UnHeardian practice going back centuries.
I hope this helps.
PS - as you may recall, I revealed in an earlier post that the Frauleinfoto ist verloren.
~
08 August 2005 at 10:14
space shuttles used to just work
How difficult can it be to stick the insulating gunk on properly so it stays stuck? It's not rocket science.
Hotboy said...
I'm not swopping places with them!
~
Hotboy said...
The pantaclava comment bit has stopped working. Is putting underwear on your head as sign of something not quite kosher. Was there anyone watching you do this? Hotboy
~
onan the bavarian said...
cultural history of the pantsacalava
~
05 August 2005 at 19:14
decadent or sick?
You may have heard about the Eating Live Octopus story. There is a mercifully abridged version of it here. There's an accompanying video, but I haven't had the courage to view that.
Hotboy said...
All the animals you've eaten come and get you when you're dead, and eat you back. Hope this helps. Hotboy
~
at 13:19
the emperor's new program
While unable to sit at the PC for nearly 2 weeks due to a beer-related injury, I rediscovered the pleasure of writing with old-fashioned pencil and paper.
In the weekend newspaper I saw this review, written without irony by a computer journalist, of a new piece of software:
A computer program that behaves just like a pencil and paper! I checked the publication date in case it was April 1st, but no.
At the relevant Microsoft page we are invited to "Try OneNote now: no download required" (just provide your own pen and paper?)
Or if you want to fix the bugs in the original version, they say you should "download OneNote Service Pack 1 (SP1)".
In the weekend newspaper I saw this review, written without irony by a computer journalist, of a new piece of software:
"OneNote was developed by a smart team of developers within Microsoft, and it's a shining example of what the company is actually capable of producing.
OneNote works a bit like a plain-paper notepad. You can write anywhere on the page, draw and highlight things, and once something is written or drawn it is there permanently, with no need to save it."
A computer program that behaves just like a pencil and paper! I checked the publication date in case it was April 1st, but no.
At the relevant Microsoft page we are invited to "Try OneNote now: no download required" (just provide your own pen and paper?)
Or if you want to fix the bugs in the original version, they say you should "download OneNote Service Pack 1 (SP1)".
Hotboy said...
Aren't dese de kinda tings dat Robots like?
~
onan the bavarian said...
~
onan the bavarian said...
hotboy - PS, I don't understand the Irish accent. robmcj
~
said...
~
onan the bavarian said...
dennis. Thanks for your feedback. May I recommend some other reading you might enjoy?
Benjamin Franklin's "Way to Wealth"
The Dalai Lama's "Way to a Meaningful Life"
Tsung Hwa Jou's "Dao of Taijiquan: Way to Rejuvenation"
Let me know how you go. Way to go! robmcj.
~
Hotboy said...
Fantastic! I have gained ability of posting on this site by mental deliberation on its own!I think Brian Wilson has adopted my persona again. He's going to meet with a nasty accident on the Unheard of Island quite soon if this doesn't stop! Hotboy (the real one!)
~
Hotboy said...
The real me now! The Real McCoy (title of a book what I wrote) comes from the boy who captained the bootlegging boat. It used to park (anchor?) off New York. Not a lot of people know that. Hope it helps. Hotboy
~
04 August 2005 at 18:51
why stop at creationism?
It seems Bush is encouraging schools to dumb down their curriculum and teach religion in science class. This post at americablog suggests the next logical step:
"Does the President believe students should be taught both sides of the debate as to whether the Holocaust really happened? Why not?
There are dozens if not hundreds of books pushing this theory. A certain percentage of the population believes it and it was even the subject of a primetime documentary on Fox.
What possible justification could the President offer for keeping this 'debate' from students? And why doesn't that justification apply to creationism as well?"
Heather said...
That is a good question...WHY...well holocaust denial does not serve the fundamentalist extreme rights' ideological agenda. Keep 'em stupid, keeps 'em voting Republican. I guess what I do not understand is that the American curriculum is generally not integrative to begin with. So, if you are not going to make connections between math and history - then whats the point of teaching a religious point of view side by side of a scientific point of view.
And no one seems to be teaching ABOUT points of view either.
There are some schools that teach just plain ol creationism. Scary.
Barney would not approve.
~
Hotboy said...
They told the Japanese the emperor was god from 1848, I think. No one doubted it by the second world war. They got a lot of people blown up. I hope this helps!
~
01 August 2005 at 10:17
middle age rocks
Let no-one tell you that reaching middle age means saying goodbye to excitement.
You just have to be prepared to grab your kicks when they come along.
Why, only today, I had a cup of real darjeeling tea, brewed in a pot. Later on, riding the wave of caffeine, I ran up 3 flights of stairs, two at a time.
A whole day's worth of kicks for about 5 cents. What a fortunate creature I am!
You just have to be prepared to grab your kicks when they come along.
Why, only today, I had a cup of real darjeeling tea, brewed in a pot. Later on, riding the wave of caffeine, I ran up 3 flights of stairs, two at a time.
A whole day's worth of kicks for about 5 cents. What a fortunate creature I am!
Hotboy said...
I went to Darjeeling once. Only as I was leaving (mad person driving you down a mountainside!) did I realise I hadn't had a cup of tea! Well, obvioulsy missed myself there!
~
