30 May 2006 at 09:36
I've been reading people's posts about war in general and "the war" in particular. This painting is by an uncle in Germany, who had both eyes shot out by the Brits in the war, yet went on to become a painter, jazz guitarist, and lawyer.

I think he makes the pictures by first laying down the borders (ahem!) between colours, using string or putty. Then he applies the colours, before removing the border material. He relies on his wife to tell him which colour he's using.
He has more paintings at his site (click the pic or the source link at bottom of this post - then click on "Bilder" which is German for "Pictures").
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26 May 2006 at 09:27
What a great party that was last night. Thanks to all who came along. Shall we all do it again another Thursday? Next week my mother's invited.
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24 May 2006 at 19:37
A couple of years ago I visited Scotland, and caught up with my old college friend Hotboy, nowadays better known as the author of
Ra Bliss Code. We had a video camera running while we were talking, so we interviewed each other. When
Lee Ann recently asked "do you and
Hotboy sound the same?" I agreed to stick the video in this post.
I haven't had time to do subtitles, but the audio is pretty clear so you shouldn't have any problems. Let me know if there's a word you don't understand.
If you're not particularly interested in hearing what a couple of middle-aged Scottish underachievers have to say about life, bliss, childhood trauma and the class system, skip the videos.
Each video lasts about 2 minutes, and is available in high quality for broadband users, and low quality for dialup.
Hotboy interviewed for broadband
Hotboy interviewed for dialup
Rob interviewed for broadband
Rob interviewed for dialup
I don't usually show my face on this blog, for security purposes, and for tax reasons. So I'll probably delete this post before next week. Possibly sooner, if hotboy's publishers get wind of this.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
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at 08:59
It seems everyone in the world is either talking to god, reading their respective scriptures, or whiling the time away with fiction and films about religion. Is it Armageddon yet?
I'm basically a heathen but I use freelance Taoism, which advises against all striving because everything will achieve balance anyway. This religion is just made for under-achievers like me. And once you tune in to the Tao, you notice it operating everywhere. No need for books, temples, incantations, priests, movies.
For instance, on Sunday I spent all day sitting at the PC, editing the forthcoming video of the hotboy interview, to show him in the best possible light. As a result, I ended up with an attack of the screaming neck pain, and had to take one of
hotboy's mum's knockout painkillers.
You see what's happening here? Everything's balancing up. Hotboy giveth the pain, and hotboy taketh it away again. The deity moves in mysterious ways. Now the after-effects of the painkillers have made me high as a sugar-hyped teenager, so maybe the deity's trying to get me to meditate. Maybe I should surrender to it, and try a few breaths. But then the second video, the robmcj one, would never get edited in time for the next HNT. So stuff the meditation and pass the pills.
Menzies was asking me about the painkillers (Coproxamol). They have been withdrawn from the market, because people were using them to top themselves. This is the litigation culture at work again.
Last time I was in Scotland (for the filming of the hotboy interviews, as it happens) I went to Boots the chemist to stock up on their magic little steel nail files, which are unheard of on the UnHeard Of Island. It turns out they've been withdrawn from sale too! It seems a teenage girl used one to stab another girl quite seriously, and as a result we all have to go file our nails with those sandpaper sticks or a rough stone.
The west should forget about bombing the middle east back to the stone age. Thanks to the lawyers we're heading there ourselves.
Ra Bliss Blog has started a policy of bulk deletion of people's comments. As a result, I'll be reproducing my Bliss Blog comments here, for posterity. Starting with today's comment at
Ra Murrayfield :
"Accidentally" deleted? Who's going to believe that. I can't remember what my own wise words were about, but I probably overstepped the mark. Give us a clue, can you?
Last time I was at Murrayfield for an international rugby match, The polis weren't a disgrace but I was. I should have ended up in jail. I was about 15, and it was November, around Guy Fawkes time. Drunk on Crawfords Three Star, I decided it would be funny to throw lighted bangers forward into the crowd. Fortunately, after I had done a few, a guy behind me offered to take my teeth out if I continued.
Do I need to take a backup of this comment in case you remove it? Maybe you could publish a set of guidelines. That would help.
I remember now, I had offered you some free advice on Americanisms. Probably not a tactful thing to do to a writer. But I was only helping!
Late afternoon. My sanity levels, never that high at the best of times, seem to have gone into free fall this week, since the painkiller incident. I've got multiple blog personality syndrome, plus I keep spewing out comments everywhere, and there's no time to read any comments I might be receiving here. Does one know if one's totally losing it? Is it like B.O. and nobody tells you? Tomorrow is HNT day, maybe that will trigger a return to normality.
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23 May 2006 at 14:29
UPDATE - the same gremlins that deleted comments at other people's blogs had struck here. I uncovered and defeated a conspiracy to keep the world from finding out about
this (link is now fixed).
The UnHeard Of Islands are abuzz with the news that we actually feature in this new blockbuster movie about cults and religious secrets.
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22 May 2006 at 08:21
Quite touched by people's comments on my previous post.
Basically, there are 2 types of people: those who divide people into 2 types, and those who don't.
I'll start again. There are 2 types of people: those who really know how to listen to other people. And those who don't.
It's amazing how many people don't know how to listen, they're too busy jumping down your throat in search of springboards for their own pet themes. Many of them just can't bear to drag their attention away from themselves. Talking to these people is a waste of time, so this blog recommends you avoid them, especially if you actually enjoy your own company.
Long ago in Scotland, I was very much involved in a counselling network, about 20 trained counsellors who used 2-way counselling as a tool for personal development and skill development, and a lot more besides (ah, the stories I could tell, and probably will). And there's been spin-off from that time - one of the things I think offer my students now is my ability to listen to them individually, and hear the whole person, not just the words. And in what I laughingly call my personal life, I choose to spend time with people who are good listeners, like me.
But to get back to what I wanted to say. The comments I received at the weekend were very kind, but more importantly the commenters showed they had given their full attention to what I wrote.
These commenters really know how to listen, empathise and respond. That's one reason why I like going to their blogs and giving them my full attention. What a fortunate creature I am!
Even my dear old friend hotboy is a great listener, with a terrific memory for embarrassing details you have told him decades ago. Of course, he doesn't do empathy, but he can't help that: he used to be a boxer, and battering someone else in public before they batter you is not the best training ground for empathy.
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20 May 2006 at 07:40
I saw this at
Lee Ann's place and agreed to play. Let me know if you want to play too. This is how it works: Leave a comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your blog/journal, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.
As I understand it, it's not a word-association test, so it's not one of these "write down the first ten things that come into your mind" things.
Lee Ann gave me the letter
L. This is the letter that I had already imagined she would give me, so I don't know who read whose mind.
- Leather. Despite being Scots and "careful with money", I never stoop to wearing cheap synthetic shoes. As a result, my feet are the best-smelling part of me.
- Lactobacillus. The beneficial wee microbes in yoghurt. They get into your gut and help reduce flatulence, in my case from a roar to a whine. Next time you're on a crowded bus, just take a moment to thank the bacteria.
- Lesbian. Like most males, obviously I'd like to be a lesbian for a while, so I could play with 2 women's bits at the same time. Nothing wrong with that.
- Limits and limitations. Learning to think and act within my own and other people's limitations has made life a lot easier.
- Loving. Used to take me by surprise in occasional intense unpredictable bursts, nowadays it's more sustained and diverse. It's nice when you can sit back and observe it operating in your life, rather than being at its mercy.
- Lao Tzu. The sixth century B.C. philosopher Lao Tzu began the philosophy of Taoism. He taught that all straining, all striving are not only vain but counterproductive. One should endeavor to do nothing (wu-wei). Everything will find its own balance anyway, whether or not you try to influence the outcome.
- Left-handed mouse. I cured my RSI by reversing my mouse hand. Of course that will only continue to work until I develop left-handed RSI. Everything balances up (see above).
- Led Zeppelin. I have posted about this again and again. How many more times?
- Long legs (and a short bod). A killer combination. My beloved partner has it.
- Life. Going pretty well at the moment. Health, brewing, blogging, dog, home life, and the relationship with my partner - all levels are right off the scale.
I've found out that if you sign up to join a tribe at
tribe.net, one of the many things you can do there is automatically
republish your blog, and maybe pull in some new people. That could help
hotboy to get new readers and agents for his books.
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18 May 2006 at 21:38
This week, the HNT deal is that you re-post your first-ever HNT, as well as a fresh one. This was my first HNT:

After I posted this last year, I went to look at other people's HNTs, and that was when I realised that HNT was supposed to be about part-naked, tasteful pictures, but by then it was too late. After that, I had nowhere left to go really, except to try and subvert the genre.
Last week I posted another fruity HNT video. I had planned a Scots-accented video for this week, but I haven't had time yet to add the subtitles, so I'm moving it to next week.
Instead, here's a last minute substitute, a photo I found today at this site. I don't think it's been photoshopped. Can you work out how it was done?

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked thursday posts here.
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14 May 2006 at 09:58
There's a chap called Alastair McSporran who, like me, is in recovery from surgery and the trauma of living in Dumbarton. I'm not sure which is more debilitating.
Anyway, he has kindly dedicated
a post to me. It concerns football, a sport until recently unknown on these islands. By a fluke, this year the UnHeard Of Islands team qualified for the World Cup, so suddenly everyone here's an expert on the sport. In Germany next month they'll emulate Scotland by getting kicked out in the first round.
Vive La France!
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11 May 2006 at 08:25
After making a few Monty Python films, John Cleese moved on to found a company making educational films, and the rest is history. He's a very rich man now.
So, following the surprising reaction to my first two strawberry films (
Strawberry Man and
The Death of Strawberry Man) I have branched out into educational videos.
THIS WEEK'S HNT is a first lesson in how to get a partner. If you're averse to nudity, I should warn you that the demonstration involves 4 couples without clothing, but the video is perfectly SFW (suitable for work).
Or for the broadband-challenged, here are some stills from the film:

If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all the old half baked posts here.
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10 May 2006 at 07:03
Just back from the morning dog walk. This week I've been doing cold turkey on the tea front, but as a result the dog-walks have been joyless, even the MP3 music sounds boring.
First thing this morning I made a cup of herb tea, but then I cracked, and brewed up a cup of real strong black tea with milk. With the first sip, every cell in my body jumped for joy and shouted "Here we go!"
And it was a great walk, with the occasional break into skipping, or running up steps in the rock when the African MP3s came on the headphones. What a great drug is tea!
Kids, if you're reading this, forget designer hallucinogenics and narcotics, this is the real thing, the thinking person's high. Live life at double speed, with no after-effects, only benefits. Hang on, that can't be right. Everything balances up, so there has to be a down side. But what is it? I can't imagine.
The chap who writes
alastair's heart monitor has been in contact, to explain why he doesn't allow comments.
So if you're reading this Alastair, here's the comment I would have left at your
aintree iron post:
As a kid hearing that song, I wondered what the Aintree Iron was. I assumed it might be the name of a horse race at Aintree, like the Aintree Grand National. Google reveals a host of interpretations.
Dismayed to hear you had some abusive comments. As if major surgery wasn't enough to be getting on with. All the best, robmcj.
PS - Apologies for suggesting your name wasn't real. Some of mine aren't, you see.
But now it's time to get back to work. I've got Lee Ann's meme to finish, and there's another fruit-based video I need to upload to Google Video, so they have time to approve it before tomorrow's HNT.
PET HATE OF THE DAY: People who put their pistachio shells back in with the pistachios.

DOG-WALKING MUSIC FOR THE DAY: Anything by the late great Fela Kuti, who was Nigeria's own Duke Ellington/James Brown/Miles Davis and political thorn in the side of Nigerian governments all his life. He had about 28 wives, each more stunning than the next.
I saw him play in Toronto, and it's the only concert I have ever had to walk out of after the first couple of hours, because the music was too unrelentingly good. Why couldn't he have thrown in the occasional boring tune? Everything should balance up.
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07 May 2006 at 13:18
Looking at my stats, I see that someone from Glasgow has followed a link from a keda post (thanks keda) to my place, and he/she landed on my pantaclava page, then spent nearly an hour reading my archives. Statcounter lists exactly which pages they read. Who says nobody ever reads archives?
On the subject of Scotland, I enjoyed reading alastair's heart monitor. What a good blog! Variety. Plenty of pics. And, it's written by a Scots guy who's recovering in hospital from heart surgery. And he's younger than me. Yippee!
It's not schadenfreude (meaning: : (German) delight in another person's misfortune), but there is some reassurance in realising I'm old enough for a dodgy heart yet my heart's in great shape. That makes up for getting cancer at age 30, when I was really far too young for cancer. Everything balances up in the end. What a fortunate creature I am!
How do I know he's younger than me? A picture on his site shows he got his school prize in 1971, by which time I was already at university, falling in with bad company.
But I think he must have photoshopped a joke name into the image. If his name's really McSporran, then mine's McClochendichter.

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03 May 2006 at 21:44
If you've read yesterday's post, you'll know why I'm wearing several layers of protective clothing, including goggles and a triple-thickness pantaclavaâ„¢, for crawling around under the house.

This picture makes up for all the HNTs where I'm just wearing a bunch of bananas. Averaged out over time, I'm exactly half-nekkid. Everything balances up.
If you missed previous HNTs, you can access all my old half baked thursday posts here.
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at 10:26
What a fortunate man I am to be alive!
I've just resurfaced from under the house, where I was crawling about doing the annual check for termites. There were lots of spiders, none of them poisonous.
Thank goodness all the black shiny spiders that moved in under my bedroom a few years ago seem to have cleared out now. They were poisonous. Not deadly, but who would want to verify that? They lived in burrows, and in the mating season they used to make horrible cracking sounds when they were fighting. I could hear them through the floorboards, I think they must have been crunching each other's antlers or something.
This is one of the spiders I used to have:

The spider in the second picture looks less butch but it's deadly. It's a funnel-web spider. If you find one under your bedroom, clear out, move house if necessary.

The huntsman spider, seen below, is even bigger and hairier. This is the one that bit me in the middle of the night, when I lived in Australia. It's harmless, but how was I to know that?

Yesterday, Blogger seemed to be accepting comments but not posts. I'm not sure if this was a global phenomenon, or if I had simply tied my PC in knots by logging on as several different bloggers at once. At one point, I thought I was commenting as myself but the comment ended up being by someone called Alec McClochendichter.
There's a wedding I have to go to this Saturday. Some people look forward to weddings. Not me. Even though they are lovely people and it's a society wedding so we're going to be mixing with the cream of the UnHeard Of showbiz world, it's going to be hard work as far as I'm concerned. What to wear? What present to buy? How to disguise my MP3 headphones so nobody notices I'm tuning out? A pantaclava would cover it, but I don't have a formal one. Some people tune out by rolling their eyes up into their head. That would be useful.
Okay, because I like the couple I'll probably manage to enjoy the actual vows. But if you ask me they should start the honeymoon right after the ceremony, and the guests could go off and watch a nice video, maybe the David Attenborough spider documentary.
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01 May 2006 at 13:17
Isn't it interesting how, over the centuries, different cultures sometimes come up with the same inventions, but usually with a different angle? For instance, it was common for Western kids to play with a yoyo, where you hold the string and the reel travels up an down. In China, you can buy a
Chinese yoyo, which moves too, but in a completely different way, and it's just a roll of paper wound around a stick.
Anyway, a while back I blogged about Spud's brother, Usuff, who has a dark room where he photographs geometric patterns, using a camera and a torch on 2 swinging pendulums.
This was one of the pictures he made.

Well, now he's branching out. He's bought a traditional Middle Eastern low-tech device, that does the same sort of pattern but using relief instead of colour. The pattern is made by a heavy pendulum scratching through a swinging plate full of sand.


When I showed this to Cap'n Kev, a connoisseur of all things Middle Eastern, he said "ah reckon them Islamics coulda taught us a thing 'r two."
Meanwhile, after the last post, hotboy quite rightly warned me of the folly of wasting your fluids over age 50. I must remember that when I turn 50. And on further reading of the
research, I see that the cancer-protecting effect only applies to activity before age 30. And only solo activity qualifies. Did I put in enough effort at that age? I can't remember. The retention deficit disorder's kicking in again.
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