open text

29 October 2005 at 13:56

hurricane leaves its mark

Can't say much right now. We're all busy cleaning up after Sandra. Everyone here is OK, thank goodness, though there's no word from hotboy.



There have been no injuries as such, but the freak cloud formation at the centre of the hurricane has left its mark on the islanders.


Foreign TV crews, here to film the phenomenon, have taken all the rooms at the Club 18-50 at the end of the bay. But if you are old enough to check in there, you'll find these clickable photos are quite accommodating.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Fine weather round this end. Don't know what all the fuss is about! Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

I say!

Thank goodness Sandra left no permanent imprint, apart from obvious mental ones. His Holiness the Hotboy probably meditated through the entire storm withot noticing anything.

The wonders of technology never fail to amaze me. If you have a powerful enough lens you can zoom right in on that second image, and reveal this!.

Now I ask you - we know that Hotboy is a vegetesbian, so what's the explanation, Mr Robmcj?

MM III  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Mingin! Pictures of fraulein in brownshirts, please. No more dead things, please. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

MM - I think if you look closely you'll find that the albatross is not dead, merely practising yoga nidra.

HB - I think you're saying you meditated right through the eye of the storm. This is impressive juju.  

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Blogger Heather said...

How come when I read about the Unheard and MacDonald Islands they tell me they are "uninhabited, barren, sub-Antarctic islands".  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Uninhabited? Excuse me! It might seem unihabited to you, but sometimes it seems there's at least one too many joes around here. Uninhabited? Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Heather,

I suspect the rumour that the island is uninhabited is because its all rather 'hush hush'.

However, I don't suppose that the souvenirs for tourista help to keep it much of a secret.

This, I believe, may actually be a picture of Mr Robmcj's own hut.

MM III  

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Blogger zomba said...

As for the after-effects of Sandra, I found this interesting image of the resulting von Karmen Vortice.

MM III  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Mingin! What a fabulous hut! I must go round there and rip it off! Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Hotboy,

I doubt if he'd look kindly on an unscheduled visitation. However, I believe that this hut is not currently in use.

MM III  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Heather - it is as Menzies says, and the property market is white-hot. When you come, you can rent a cabin at the Club 18-50. That's what Nobis did, and it worked out rather well until he was sectioned. Don't worry, they're very flexible about the age-limit. Hotboy was barred for the headstands, not his age.

MM - I have forwarded the satellite image to Southern Hemisphere Data, and the T-shirt sales info to hotboy's shoppe.

Hotboy - remember the Falklands.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

At last I'm getting some answers my questions here and here.

This is what happens when you let postmodernism into your life.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Gosh, I did not know you had the bad storm. I hope all is well with you!  

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Blogger zomba said...

Dear Robmcj,

How is your security? This picture appears to show Hotboy trying to creap up on the Penguin Piss Brewery.

Do you want me to send Adbul?

MM III  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! MMII! Zeig all! Fab huts. I remember the Falklands War because I was in a tent that was getting blown apart at the time. I should have had a hut! Hotboy p.s. Thank God, Adolf can answer his own questions.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Some people are obsessed with huts. Has nobody an opinion on the post-Sandra syndrome that's afflicting our poor island people? That's a sad commentary on our real-estate-obsessed times.  

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Post a Comment

28 October 2005 at 07:58

HNT 2




Guidelines
for HNT:
45113638_202b79dc11




Cheap
cameraphone
picture

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! What's going on here? Why have you taken off your simmit? Is this another one of them pervy things? Just thought I'd ask. Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Here is another wonderful picture of clouds for your collection.

And this one might even be an aerial picture of the UnHeard of Islands.

But this one is surely the Penguin Piss Brewery.

MM III  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - it's not my idea, it's on the orders of my therapist. Supposed to help me become more authentic, whatever that means. Maybe you understand.

MM - there's clearly been a breach of island security, thanks for drawing my attention to it. I'll try to have the pictures removed while the penguins are still computer illiterate. I thought it was enough just to disguise the stills (brewer's pun, haha) as souvenir Madyamika Blisswall replicas. But if you weren't fooled, the little blighters may twig too.

On a technical note. I made MGTs for Frau McJ and myself last night. She insists the G:T ratio is 1:4, whereas I drink mine 1:1 She likes a cocktail glass, an inverted conical affair on a stem, while I use a whisky glass obtained free from a pub in Edinburgh. Which of us is right?  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear bean,

The most important property of the container is that it should not leak. Otherwise its largely a matter of personal choice. I do prefer a fairly heavily-based glass myself. That's how its served in the Muthaiga Club, in Nairobi, and they should know.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Woooooo.....sexy! Cool pic Rob!  

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Post a Comment

27 October 2005 at 13:20

updated 7 x 7

This tag came from Lee Ann


Seven things I want to do before I die:

1. Tour Japanese bathhouses in a kimono.
2. Become a sumo wrestler.
3. Ecstasy.
4. Become more widely recognised for my flatulence.
5. Have sex with a fit young woman from every country in the world. The country count currently stands at three, and that's going to look even worse after the breakup of Iraq. With my Scots accent, I had the chance to make it 4 when I lived in Australia, but as Cap'n Kev says, "I couldn't crack a fat over an Aussie sheila." And he's an Aussie. Anyway, this plan is indefinitely on hold pending reincarnation.

6. Invent a beer-based avian-flu vaccine
7. Take a congee bath with Miss Malawi. Menzies swears by it.

Seven things I can do (Skills Napoleon):

1. Put my big toe in my mouth.
2. Play the ukulele equally well with or without clothing.
3. Listen calmly to people, even people crying or irate.
4. Train my dog to sit in front of a bowl full of meat, without eating until I say "OK". This is perhaps the height of my lifetime's achievement.

5.
6.
7.


Seven things I cannot do:

1. Stay awake watching cricket.
2. Stay awake watching golf.
3. Stay awake watching Aussie Rules Football.
4. Eat oysters.
5. Hurt somebody intentionally. Accidentally, of course I do it all the time.
6. Listen to stories of humans treating animals cruelly. This includes most industrial methods of rearing and killing food. I don't mind hunters killing wild animals for food for themselves. I could tell you some stories but this is my blog and I don't want to piss myself off. Or you.

7. Enter a certain country again since the counterfeit currency affair.


Seven things I say a lot:

1. and your point is ... ?
2. give us a break
3. effing jesus
4. well there's a surprise
5. good dog
6. happy to help
7. everything balances out in the end

Seven things I find attractive in a female:

1. that yin quality
2. bum
3. bottom
4. arse
5. buttocks
6. ass
7. bad eyesight

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Juanita Phillips, newsreader on UnHeard TV
2. Barbara Woodhouse
3. Kate Hudson
4.
5.
6.
7.

Seven random people I invite to do this next:

1. Doviko
2. Heather
3. Menzies
4. Wilkie
5. Susie
6. Cabbage c/o Hotboy
7. Steve

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! You should get some Ecstasy. It's not as good as what you get meditating, but it impressed me. I had five dutch ones once over a weekend in Amsterdam with Brian Wilson, so I must be dead. I'd gotten a couple for him, but he's one of them straights. Remember them? Before a straight was someone who wasn't gay, but a total scaredy cat. Anyway, you might need some viagra and lots of blind people. We should discuss this round the volcano some time. It won't help at all. Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

I say,

I think my 7s Comment must have disappeared at http://opentext.blogspot.com/2005/10/7-x-7.html#comments when Mr RobMcj updated his original list.

MM III  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

MM - my apologies to all, I accidentally deleted the old comments attached to this post. That's what happens when you blog at work, and get distracted by someone wanting you to do something else.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

doviko - congratulations, you must be blissfully happy. Do you think you could instruct hotboy?  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Very good additions as well!
I like MMIII new profile picture, don't you?  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say, old chap. Here they are:

7 things to do before I die.

1. Open the batting for England

2. Teach Doviko to bowl like Warney

3. Teach Cabbage to duck when I hit a sixer towards short leg

4. The Cape to Cairo route, once more. This time from south to north.

5. Solve the food shortage hereabouts by introducing turnips to East and South Central Africa

6. Raise lots of money to improve the health of people hereabouts

7. Stop writing my blog

7 things I can do

1. Pinch my nose and hit my adams apple to the tune of ‘Barmy Army’

2. Erm – that seems to be my only talent
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 things I cannot do.

1. There are too many things I cannot do to list here

7 things I say a lot.

1. I say!

2. A top up, dear?

3. I think I’ve had enough now, and the bottle’s finished anyway

4. Look out, Cabbage!

5. Bwanji bwanji? How much? I’m not a rich American, you know.

6. My Dear – I am aware of that fact.

7. On the khondi?

7 things I find attractive in a woman.

1. Any and all of Mrs Milngavie’s many wonderful traits

2. ditto
3. ditto
4. ditto

7 celebrity crushes

1) Julie Christie (then)

2) Julie Christie (later)

3) Miss Malawi 2004

4) Miss Botswana 2004

5) Miss Botswana 2003

6) Miss Botswana 2002

7) Miss Lesotho 2004

MM III  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adolf! Zeig! In a previous incarnation you were an early exponent of vegetarianism (and blitzkreig!). Do you think this is why you can put your foot in your mouth? If you can do that, you should be able to sit in a half lotus. Lucky old you. That would definitely help! Hotboy  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What 3 Countries are the count so far? Yes, I bet you can play that ukulele well. I saw a preview of that...hot!
Good celebrity crush with Kate Hudson, I would like her if I were a guy as well.  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Old Bean,

Thanks ever so much for finding my sevens list and reposting it.

It must be wonderful to be so au fait with the technology that you can, as it were, reach into the bowels of cyberspace and grasp the virtual flatulence.

MM III  

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Post a Comment

22 October 2005 at 23:23

where am I going wrong?

I think I am doing something wrong somewhere. I seem to have got things the wrong way round. My posts are getting shorter than anyone else's, and my comments are getting longer than anyone else's. I was going to say I'm out of balance, but that's something that happens to other people.

Sometimes I do tiny posts about nothing, just a photo or maybe a couple of sentences referring to the wise hermit of Flat Island.

Meanwhile, over at other people's blogs, I'm leaving long heartfelt comments.

I also spend hours doing social work at other blogs, and I'm a volunteer life coach at hotboy's.

Sometimes I've found myself putting 3 or 4 links into a comment, some of them linking to my own stuff. Surely that can't be good blog etiquette? The day I found myself trying to do a comment containing a link to another comment, I knew things were getting out of control. I'm surprised no-one's asked me to leave their blog, like an embarrassing party guest.

Could I really be out of balance, or just on the slippery slope to postmodernism?

Will everything balance up in the end?

Would it help if I got a life?

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Nothing the matter with a bit of imperialism surely. I'd link my comments to my comments and comment on them as well except I don't know how anything works and I'm too blissed out to be bothered. I find this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! This is all a lot of introspective nonsense. The thing you've got wrong is not making me pots of money. You could do it! At least, you could get the tv companies into the cave docu thing. Also, you told me once that I wasn't reflective. You said I didn't reflect much. For the last twenty years.... !!! Also, lie on the floor and do yoga nidra when you've had a look at a beer commercial . THis according to something Shiva read gets into the stresses laid down by the calvinist toilet training. But the main thing is not to worry about filling people's blogs with comments and sound advice because imperialism is good. This end of the island says that imperialism is good. Hmmm. Hotboy. p.s. Did you ever think of playing poker for a living? Start doing it now on the web. I'm in for a hundred quid. I'll send a penguin round with it. It might be some time. By then you'll be rich. Take my small debt off the money I'm due. pps Start with $500. I'm in for a fifth. Even HOtter boy  

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Blogger Heather said...

This is your life, my friend. We are pilgrims sailing to the new world. I figure there is no one "coreect" way to go about things - and therefore no one way to write about them. That's postmodern is it not? I also sense a pendulum swing away from hyper-postmodernism. Most of the blokes that I see spewing postmodern vitriol on campus are the most conservative and modernist of beings...go figure.

And you can serve the greater good...one comment field at a time... Ra Comments! (Oi! I feel sucked into the hotboy vortex!)  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! What does zeig mean? You can't do yoga nidra! This is like class one in hypnotism. You lie on your back with palms up and feet a foot apart. YOu are a corpse. You direct you consciousness towards bits of your body in rotation and tell them to sleep. Do you know this? You breathe deeply. In: Calm. Out: Relax. Then you come up your body and get whiteyness to come out your fontanella and be the white log, sleeping and not sleeping. This is yoga nidra. I can't do it. When you're completely relaxed, you lose the edges of your body and get the space without edges. Biting the carpets isn't the same, Adolf. THis is is yoga for the poorly toilet trained. This is the yoga for you. This requires drinking the Penguin Peculiar at first, but soon you will be free of this terrible addiction, your honour, and then you can start making pots of money instead of ... it's a waste of time if it's not meditating anyway. This one is so long it's bound to help! Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Heather and HB - nice big comments. That's more like it! Keep that up and I can shrink my posts down to just a heading.

Zeig means show. You're thinking of Sieg, which means victory.

Re the yoga nidra - I am going to close my office door right now, set my alarm for 5 minutes ahead, and get down on the floor. I'll get back to you. If I never post again, assume I've disappeared into the vortex of bliss.  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow...your dog is gorgeous....i know that's kind of random  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

thanks jon

HB - I'm sending you an email to discuss some of your more pertinent points. I hope this helps.

Heather - yes, I've noticed that too, pomo as fascism. And thanks for the name for my new blog - RaComments! Where every post will be a comment, either about someone else's blog, or (in goosestepping moments) about the post itself! Meditate on that Hotboy!  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I don't know what to tell you. I don't think you are off balance. I enjoy just about everything you write.  

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Post a Comment

21 October 2005 at 18:46

tri nations in the balance

I've started happy hour 30 minutes early today, very naughty. Tonight is the second match in the rugby league tri-nations series between Australia and NZ.

This is a picture of little Timmy when New Zealand scored the winner in the game last week.




If Australia wins tonight, that'll be yet more proof that everything balances out in the end.

At RaBlissBlog, I put out an appeal for suggestions about what to drink for tonight's match, but nobody could advise me. I guess I simply have to take responsibility for my own decisions. So Pelican Piss it is. Time to lie flat on the floor, put on the light-bending prismatic glasses, and set the remote control for the heart of the screen.


Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! The goggles are fantastic! A real boon for modern living. We know the fat kid is your son. Another case of things balancing out? Hope this helps! Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

Dear Robmcj,

I know how much you enjoy good photographs, so here is one for your collection.

MM III  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

You can watch TV or the computer screen while you are flat on your back & you don't even have to lift your head. When you look straight ahead, your view is tilted through 90° and you are actually looking at your feet. The ultimate couch potato accessory.

MM - If you see your friend Carslemain, I owe him an apology for misspelling his name.  

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Post a Comment

20 October 2005 at 10:28

penguin project

I may be collaborating with RaBlissBlog on a new publishing venture. It's a completely new postmodern genre, a meditation guide for penguins, in song form. I don't think anyone's done it before.




It has to be sung, of course, since penguins can't read. There's a good chance I'll be asked to do all the recordings, if I can just prove my singing ability.

If this turns into a moneyspinner, I can afford to fly my mother over here to live with me. She said someone threatened to hit over the head for her handbag, on the doorstep of her castle. On second thoughts, forget the penguin project. I'm joining the HNT project:

HNTbutton

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wooooooooooo! Nice bandaids!!!! You definitely need to start HNT! Now I am all distracted....I forgot what I was going to say. Uh, ... oh yeah, did your poor mother really get hit over the head for her handbag? Gosh I am so sorry, is she all right?
And you! You said it wasn't coy, well it is, well, it is...WOW!  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I didn't know you could play the ukelele! It's all coming out now, eh? Are you going to tell us you became a rent boy in Germany to pay for ukelele lessons? I wouldn't be at all suprised! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Friend Robmcj,

Is it me, and the effect of too many sundowners, or could you make the Word Verification code look slightly less slanty?

I must say, if you could ship supplies of those extra-large-bandaids featured at this photo, to Kandodo, there would be a sizeable market hereabouts.

MM III  

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Post a Comment

18 October 2005 at 15:29

recycle pathology

I've been told to start flossing after every meal. I knew a couple who used to share their floss. One of them would use a bit, then pass it on to the other. After they had both used it, sometimes they'd wash it under the tap, for reuse next time.

And before you ask, they weren't even Scottish.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! As you know, floss is only used by Americans and effete Australians who are really Poms. Most Scots have no teeth to floss. This is to avoid the weeping and gnashing of teeth, which has been promised. Oh no! Teeth will be provided for the gumsy! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I believe in flossing, but that is nasty! The only way I may consider doing that would be if it were a desparate situation. Definitely not under normal circumstances....hahaha  

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Blogger Heather said...

Nothing to do with flossing...but I saw this and thought of you...now why would that be?

click me  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - what's with the All-or-nothing thinking? What about those of us who have half their teeth left?

LA - every day is desperate on UnHeard Island.

MM, I mean CF - can I suggest you refer your question to jimmer? He's the floss man.

Heather - thanks, you know me so well, that game is just my level.  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for the information you passed to me, on cross-cultural blogging. I agree with you, but while there are postmodernist strains in cultural and social anthropology, there are still none at all in physical anthropology. This, of course, has resulted in the bifurcation of Anthropology Departments at some universities.

I enjoy your "postmodern" blog, and some of your friends, especially the Blissful Blogger - is he really Irish? That's quite an accent.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Heeeelllllooooo???? Where are you?????  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - Er, ...  

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Post a Comment

17 October 2005 at 09:25

this might help

A native Flatheid runner has arrived with a message from the local buddhist hermit. The hermit lives in this temple on Flat Island.

It seems he wants urgent advice about whether eccentricity can help someone like him, in the same way it helped me.




There is some good advice about using eccentricity in your life, on this forum.

Here are the strategies that I am testing myself this week, before I can recommend them to beginners:

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Great temple! Great tips on eccentricity boostings. Particularly liked the pointing hairdryer from the parked car. Good way to commit suicide in some places, I should think. But this post has helped a lot! Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My lifelong habit of toasting the Queen on a Sunday, after luncheon, has occasionally been commented upon. Hardly eccentric, though.

MM III  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I love those strategies! Very helpful. That picture is beautiful, what is that from?  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Eric - that's true. I was getting carried away. This person is way out of my league, and I'm not sure which term applies. Can you help?

MM - I always stand for God Save The Queen. Not that it's ever played on these islands. They can't even remember the words to their own national anthem.

HB - glad I was able to help.

LA - I had forgotten where I found the pic, but I have tracked it down to this blog, belonging to a young person who seems a little unhappy and perhaps socially isolated. In a fit of social concern, I left some (I hope) encouraging comments there. When I was younger I could have done with some encouragement, but I had to make do with hotboy's suggestions. His/her blog has some lovely photos, mostly by other people. Let me know what you think.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

You are right! Those are some fabulous pictures. Also, you are a very kind person.  

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Post a Comment

15 October 2005 at 07:33

delicious

Over at Cabbage Bliss, they are appealing for recipes, for a new book of postmodern recipes.

Here is a recipe they can use:

Take one large cabbage, shred it and stuff it in a large glass jar. Add 5 teaspoons of salt. Fill to the brim with water. Put on the lid, and store somewhere cool and dark for 3 weeks, while the natural fermentation happens.

After 3 weeks. Voila! Sauerkraut:



Warning - don't do what I did. I put the jar somewhere warm, to speed up the pickling process, but that encourages growth of the wrong kind of bacteria. I've had 20 years of flatulence as a result. Once those bugs get into your system, they never leave.

Mind you, for an antisocial basturn like hotboy, that could be a plus, a help in repelling flatheids. Everything balances up in the end.



Serving suggestion: sauerkraut with pig-blood sausage

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Mary - you can use any words you like here, except "Bush", a true obscenity.

Eric - the anus. Why didn't I think of that? German food will never taste the same again.  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Dear Eileen. Sorry for the mix-up, things have been a bit busy here recently.

The place I would recommend starting is here, where the latest paper is summarised (very briefly). There is also a overview of his main contribution to the discourse.

Let me know if this doesn't help, and we can work something out.

Best regards, Rob McJay.  

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Blogger zomba said...

Wonderful news that Ralwin's Postulate is finally being picked up by the mainstream.

MM III  

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Blogger Heather said...

Now that you have mastered the art of saurkraut, I can teach you the secret of kimchi. That Korean delight that adds a dash of fish sauce and alot of cayenne to the fold to make a distinctly unique taste. The blood sausage part is not part of my food vocab...and I can only imagine the lovely aroma that accompanies it...  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Heather. Good news - a colleague at the McDonald Institute is researching the possibility of virtual smell reality, so a downloadable fart may not be far away.

MM - I agree with you completely. His years of work are finally getting recognition. What a pity he didn't live to see it.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, I am sorry to say that looks disgusting! I can handle a little bit of sauerkraut, but(t)not that other thing! eeewwwwhhhh! I don't even like regular sausage.  

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Post a Comment

13 October 2005 at 01:43

taoist medicine helps buddhists too

Some time ago at RaBlissCave, hotboy asked me to prescribe something to treat the retention deficit disorder that has plagued him for years, messing up his life and his walls.

Studying Western medicine before I got in with bad company has qualified me to diagnose the real cause: his overconsumption of German white beer. But who can blame him? The remedy I'm prescribing is an old German Taoist cure called Franziskaner Weissbier Dunkel, literally "dark white beer". It's the best way to get some balance into your life.


I'll be making housecalls over on his side of the island, to make sure he takes the medicine daily. He has a habit of saving it all up for a big binge at the weekend. No wonder he thinks every weekend lasts 5 days.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Thanks for the help with the beer consumption, but I've just checked my weight. Up a stone since the start of August. This is called breathing in. Beer. Now I have to start breathing out, or I'll end up being normal. Dearie me. BTW I don't always walk about dressed as in the photie. Breathing out training gear. The bin liner is under two layers. I think I might be becoming a little eccentric. Do you think this'll help? Hotboy  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

HB, make sure to take your medicine like a good boy!  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - good on you! He might listen to you.

HB - if you're not wearing your undies on your head yet, you're probably still normal. But to answer your excellent question, yes, I find that eccentricity helps a lot. This morning I put on my ankle-weights before the one-hour power walk. So what if people stared at the man with the sandbags on his legs, I must have sweated off several pounds. Which is actually the last thing I need: I'm already way below my fighting weight. Have been all my life. But it would help you.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Good idea with the sandbags. I think I could add that to my Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle. Sandbags? I that the way the old people steal the earth, like in The Great Escape. Earthbags, to weigh you down! Basturns! That's how! Down the trouser legs. But, seriously, people will pay hundreds of pounds for this weight loss earth. We could still clean up! Hope this helps. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - if you ever try jogging with ankle-weights, it's the wierdest sensation, like having magnetic feet. They seem to want to stick to the ground and to each other. Actually, that might be right up your street, a new kind of mind-altering experience. Go for it!  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

I have exercised with ankle weights. It is wierd! It makes your legs feel much lighter when you take them off :)  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

I saw your photograph of Hotboy, and I must say - I am very worried about him. I fear the drink has done for him.

I remember Hotboy with a Physique much more akin to this.

Its obviously a terminal case of Retention Deficit Disorder.

RDD is rather outwith my experience. What colour do you recommend he should he take, for the cure?

MM III  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I have the ankle weights on now, adapted from wrist weights! Also, the jumpers, bin liner, etc. I tried to read about post-modernism from the link on my blog and couldn't understand a word. I don't even know what semolina is and I used to eat it. The evils of drink! Could you sum it all up in a pithy phrase, or sentence at the most. Hotboy p.s. Did you see me when I was a bodybuilder? Universalist, me. Got the wet teeshirt for everything!  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - you're right, it's a fantastic feeling when you take them off again. I get the same feeling after a night with the pantsaclava, or when I stop banging my head off the wall. Everything balances out over time.

MM - I haven't studied colour therapy yet, it's one of the few things I know nothing about.

HB - You just need to remember this. Literally anything is a valid text. There is no such thing as a good text or good writer. It's all in the eye of the beholder.  

~

Blogger zomba said...

I say!

My original reference was to Jack 'n Jills. However, colour therapy sounds much more interesting.

MM III  

~

Post a Comment

11 October 2005 at 08:05

new research interest

I have had an enquiry from a journalist about the work I did last year on the semiotic theories of the late Nobis Ralwin.

I would like to be able to help her, but sadly the funding for my own semiotics work has dried up. I am now collaborating with the Enterometeorology Department at New Brunswick University. It seems they are interested in my medical background.



typical cirrhosis minor formation

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I've already posted a comment on this blog and it's disappeared. For someone with a narscissistic personality disorder, that's not easy to take. I think it was something about haemoroid clouds, but since I can't spell that, mabye just as well. Hotboy  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - the disappearing comments, I suffered a couple of them too, but only ever at your blog. Someone is siphoning off our genius-product for themselves. I'll get the lawyers onto it.

Eric - I'll be happy to do my best for you. Hopefully, we can repeat my earlier success with the Hotboy portfolio, but nothing's guaranteed.

When I took over the Hotboy contract for the southern hemisphere, nobody was buying his books at all. Now, look at him.

I would suggest we start with a blog for you. Hotboy's book sales almost doubled when he started blogging. Of course, twice nothing is still nothing, but Hotboy is reinventing the laws of physics to get around that.

Have you decided on a suitable genre? J R Rowling realised that the time was ripe for combining and recycling the boarding school story and lord of the rings. Given world events, we could cobble together the next big literary thing out of offcuts from Catch 22 and Camus' The Plague. Your military insider knowledge would be a big plus.

Actually, forget the blog idea, we don't want to tangle with the Dept of Defence. They are already censoring this blog and the bliss blog.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

I am impressed! Great pic! Interesting type of work there.  

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Post a Comment

10 October 2005 at 20:39

what the ... ?

I found this on someone else's blog. Isn't it good? It comes from a legit weather photo site, so it may not be faked. If you looked out the window and saw this, what would you do?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It ryhmes with woo, begins in a p and I'd .... my pants.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

A bit like Scottish girls. They begin with a g. I change my g.......
Then I'd change my underwear! If this is what happens with global warming, there's not help to be had! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Heather said...

I'd pull a chicken little...the sky is falling the sky is falling!

Thats some weird shit..er um..meterological manifestations that is...

I think it predicts that "bad things ahead"  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

jay - that was my thought too, until I realised that it's the very effect I have been striving for from my home brew. And the latest batch may just be the magic formula.

hotboy - I may be a bit slow on the uptake, not having meditated enough, but what word are you alluding to? Change my g.... -enitals? -spot? -oolies?

eric - I wish I'd thought of that as a title. Do you get manifestations like that where you are just now? Hudson Bay I think you said.

heather - you're dead right, there were bad things ahead. A woman screamed at me in the woods today, and not in an erotic way. It was about dog conflict. When I reflected later, I realised she was in the right, but at the time I didn't think straight, what with the shouting. It could have been worse, it could have been a big strapping Scots pugilist screaming "Susquehanna" at me.  

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Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow! That is pretty trippy!  

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Blogger wilkie said...

hey robmcj, thanks for the comments you left on my blog :) you have some nice photos too!. i really liek this one you found, very cool :D  

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Post a Comment

09 October 2005 at 06:34

back to normal

Today the out-laws leave the island for good, and the clean-up job begins. While they were here, my fascist personality didn't respond well to chaos and disorder on my own doorstep. My wise friend hotboy has been encouraging me to relieve my inner conflicts by taking out my murderous urges on him, and that's what friends are for. But from today that has to stop, and I will say some nice things about him.

Many people judge hotboy by his rough exterior, but what few realise is that he loves old ladies, and dotes on my mother. He and she are neighbours. My mother lives in Flatheid Castle (see photo). Hotboy's Scottish residence, when he's not surfing the oceans of southern hemisphere bliss, is about one inch to the left of the main turret. Within spitting distance of my mother.





Trivia - Edinburgh Castle can be seen in the distance, top left. I mean right. And Arthur's Seat, one of the locations in Hotboy's book Alma Mater, is the big lump at top left.

Alma Mater is available as a free download at the excellently-maintained website of John McKenzie's Wonderful Writings.

Photo source: Fettes School Edinburgh

Tune for the day: the mental mush that was on endless repeat-play at the restaurant last night. If I could be bothered maintaining my death list any more, Moby would now be at the top.

Sources acknowledged.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Rob, that is magnificent! Your mother lives in that castle? Wow! It is bigger than mine! Absolutely beautiful...I want to see in person, I will be right over! ;)  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Your perturbations occasioned by the in-laws are palpable even here! On a Sunday morning. Of course, Edinburgh castle is on the right, not the left. Where will you put it when your mother comes to stay on your part of the island? I'll have to find her and ask her about the toilet training. Then tell her to go and apologise. Hope this helps. Advertising my site definitely does. I'm expecting the police any day now. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - did I say she lives in the castle? I meant of course that her apartment is on a block of land sold off to developers by the castle owners. Her yoga class takes place in the castle grounds in the summer. That's how she heard about Hotboy.

HB - right, left, let's not get anal. Who would have known the difference? But I take my hat off to you, living happily so close to my mother. You're a brave man. I had to travel half way round the world to get on better with her. That definitely helps.  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! About two fingernails from the white bit of the spire is an almost face on side of a jutty up building. The kid's bedroom is on the right at the top. That's where the wonderful sunsets are viewed from. From the front of the building you can see the castle on the far right.Sorry, left. Sometimes there are fireworks happening. Seen one, seen them all. From the back of the flat, you look onto lower rooftops (Moscow?) and the Grange cricket ground. The sky comes down on nothing but trees. This is heaven on this earth. Only a fool would leave here. No matter what is on the wall. Your mother will miss it, Adolf, but I'll explain that you so loved your in-laws being with you so much that you want her to move there lock, stock and potty, and big stick, and brownshirt. I keep looking for her on the street. Ra goosesteppingss matriacus.Why doesn't she stay in North Berwick like the rest of them? Hope this helps. It'll help her. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Doviko, I think HB's garden is right out of the picture. Some people (not me) say that's where HB is most of the time.

Yes, most women in the West live in castles, e.g. Lee Ann, my mother, the Queen etc. Since Hotboy decimated property values at his place with his scrawlings, the daughter has had to move out in search of a castle of her own.

As the photo shows, castles are surrounded by vegetation, and handsome princes have to chop their way through the dense cabbages (no offence) to rescue the sleeping women. Many princes fail in the attempt, hence the expression "Ah couldnae hack her." Does this help?  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Doviko! Hail! Reading between the lines, I take it we're talking about Cabbage's urinary retention affliction. Hotboy will teach cabbage how to slash, he's the expert on letting all go.  

~

Post a Comment

07 October 2005 at 17:00

age 30, footloose and maturity-free

Now that there's scientific proof that I'm not narcissistic, I can do another post about myself.

When I was 30 I met a nice girl with the same build and hair as the previous love of my life, but without the alcoholism. Great! So for a year we were devoted to each other. She liked cooking for me, and hey, I loved eating. I admired her intelligence and strong character. And her sobriety. But I was still immature and footloose, and after a year I went with a chum on a drunken Greek holiday, where a holiday romance sent me off on a new trail.




Soon after we had first met, a good friend took this photo, in Edinburgh at Festival time. It was in an ancient pub in the Canongate. It had a stone slab floor, all worn and uneven by the centuries, so you had to be careful carrying pints from the bar. George Melly was in the background but I've cropped him out to save space. In those days, designer stubble hadn't been invented, so I was just an unshaven slob.

I like the photo, you can see how my positive regard towards her was distracting me from my own demons. She looks shy and pretty.

There's much more of a story, but I'm loath to tell it, especially as I don't come out of it squeaky clean.

A few years after we split up, her parents sent me a very large wreath of flowers when they heard I had cancer.


A tune from the year the photo was taken : Today, by Talk Talk. The thinking person's Depeche Mode.

DISCLAIMER: any resemblance between anybody and anybody else is purely fictional.

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, such a great picture. You are very handsome there. She is a very pretty girl as well!  

~

Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Was that the concert George Melly gave up in Morningside in the mid-seventies? If so, I was there. We didn't have tickets, so blagged our way in by saying we were with the band. Somehow it worked. I sat next to Joan Bakewell until someone came to claim that seat.

It was an excellent concert, and afterwards, we went to George's dressingroom, and only left when he made passes at our womefolk.

MM III  

~

Blogger zomba said...

Sorry - obviously it was a different concert. Your one was in the Canongate, as I have just read the entry more carefully.

Did George make a pass at your girl?

MM III  

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Blogger Heather said...

The pic looks like a shot from a classic movie. Your tale is probably as hollywoodesque I fathom. So "play it again, Sam"...  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! What a basturn you must have been! No wonder they sent you a wreath. You've left a trail of broken hearts with this cheap Mongomery Clift inner demons b.s. Still, as long as it worked for you. But this is more like it. More of the babes in brownshirts please. I don't remember you ever looking that good. What were you on, or was it one of these computery enhancement jobs? Hope this helps. Hotboy  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - thanks, and for the plug in your interview.

MM II - that is spooky - Talk Talk were the thinking person's Depeche Mode; and Joan Bakewell used to be known as the thinking man's you-know-what.

Sadly, it was a different year, 1982. And I preferred George's books to his music. Besides, George was drinking in the pub, not performing. He may have made a pass for all I would know. I was blind to that sexual economy stuff in those days. Now I understand it, but am past doing anything about it. Everything balances out in the end.

Heather, thanks, but my lips must remain sealed. For one thing, the other party is now a litigation lawyer. True.

HB - my loss of the deathly appearance for a while happened to coincide with not seeing your good self for some years. Surely no connection?  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - sorry for my emotional outburst earlier, it's a bot fraught here just now, with the out-laws from NZ singing hymns and sleeping all over the floor.

The reason you remarked on my appearance features in the photo is that I had just been through the ultimate rejuvenating experience, several years living away from Edinburgh.

Regarding the inner demons, I have resolved many of those in the meantime, and I no longer need to chase the bliss. I hope this helps.  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! You must have got the photie from someone else. A cousin? Also, Mingin!, George Melly was a homonyn till taken in hand (?) by his friend's wife (see Rum, Bum and Barnacles, or whatever his autobiography was called). He might mention the concert and how he had to get rid of folk by groping their girlfriends since the men all looked so rough, like Adolf! Maybe it was him not you. Some folk are just the wrong way round. Or is this a bit judgemental. Hope this helps. I've got a disorder, you know. Hotboy  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - you are quite right to remind me that I only have 1.5 friends in the world, and one of them, the dog, cannot possibly have operated a camera.

Rum Bum and Concertina. I preferred the book about being on tour with jazz bands, I think that one was called "Owning Up". Do you have access to all these books in your job? I wish my teaching job had perks. They told me I'd be able to sleep with my students, but so far nothing. Do you get propositioned at all by your clients?  

~

Post a Comment

06 October 2005 at 17:53

new disorder

I stumbled across a new book about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (definition: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy).

How do you know if you are a sufferer? Apparently you just need to show five (or more) of the following symptoms:

  1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

  2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

  3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

  4. requires excessive admiration

  5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

  6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

  7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

  8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

  9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Luckily, I only suffer from four of the symptoms (3, 6, 7 and obviously 9), which apparently means I'm normal.

Source - Narcissism: Denial of the True Self


Game for today: Can you beat my score?


Solution to yesterday's trivia question (What else is special about the number 42?) - 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I've definitely got that disease! I got the first five straight off and then 9 of course. Also, I'm working on the exploitative thing since you fixed my links. So I've got another disease. But this disease doesn't seem to hurt me and I think being King is compensation enough. Hope this helps. King Hotboy  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! I've re-evaluated my score on the test. The only one I haven't got is 8, which is about envy. How could I envy a flatheid? How could flatheids envy me since they do not know about ra bliss? Obviously, I have difficulty emphathising with a flatheid since they're really just dafties at heart.Apart from that ... well, eight out of nine. Look no further for the winner. Hope this helps me. Hotboy  

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Blogger zomba said...

My Dear Robmcj,

Here's a way you can combine shark fishing, potty training and your other hobby.

MM III  

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Blogger Hotboy said...

Mingin! Fab photie. Must be another miracle! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Gosh, I knew someone like that. I posted about her:
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Oh, So smart!
I think you will stay the winner of that game, I could only get to 11.  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

LA - about scoring highly at this game. It helps strengthen your mouse hand if you spend your formative years "waving", and more saluting. It also helps if you have your PC speakers turned up loud. My own score of 42 was a freak moment of oneness with the universe, I have never repeated it. Not even scored over 10 since.

HB - I never doubted you'd win this one. Is that one game each?

MM - great picture. Have you worked out your narcissism score? I'm not expecting anyone to beat HB, but the silver medal is still undecided. LA is obviously too nice a person to rank anywhere.  

~

Blogger zomba said...

I think we all suffer from #2 sometimes.

Anyway, my dear chap, I'd like to know whether there are any dangerous rabbits on the Unheards.

MM III  

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Post a Comment

05 October 2005 at 10:08

42

I never like to brag. But sometimes one has to. My top score in this game was 42. Some people who only scored about 8 would say I have an unfair cultural advantage, but I'm willing to share the secret with them. It's all in the right hand.



Tune for the day: - The ride of the valkyrie.

Trivia question for the day: - What else is special about the number 42?

Health report: This week I'm healthier than Hotboy. Mind you, it's only Wednesday.

Blogger Heather said...

Send your wedding tackle pics here:
www.wackyweenies.com  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

42? Wow! I thought I was the winner with 11. I guess I turn the crown over to you, but when you finish wearing it, it needs to remain in my Castle. We will put a winner's name plate under it with your name engraved. :)  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! I got nine, but I wasn't trying!! I see someone is trying to get to you. Remember the Red Army? You might end up doing something. I find this is usually a mistake and means you have to do another thing after that. Before you know it, someone will give you job and then where will you be? Please ignore my advice. I hope this helps. Hotboy  

~

Post a Comment

04 October 2005 at 11:01

middle age upside

I did the usual bushwalk this morning, dressed like crap in my dog-walking gear. One of the great things about middle age is you no longer care what you look like. Of course the downside is that your partner may not care what they look like. Once again, everything balances out in the end.

Another disadvantage of being middle-aged - you can't afford to go jogging and have sex all on the same day. Not unless you can afford to take the next day or two off to rest. Trust me, I tried it. Hotboy tried a variation that he calls the Lewinsky snake. Now he's taking two days off to recover. See what happens?

This blogging thing is getting out of hand - I have had to restrict myself to visiting just a few favourite blogs, otherwise I'd have no time left for the essential things in life. Like washing all the windows (for the first time in seven years) to impress the out-laws. Also bottling beer and so forth. I'm hoping the outlaws will help me drink the last few bottles of Pelican Peculiar. I need the empties for bottling the next brew.



Dish of the week: shark and vegetable stir-fry, on a bed of mashed potato, topped with some crispy-fried crushed garlic. I might make it again for the outlaws.

Tune for the day: Hocus Pocus - Focus. The perfect combination of musical technique and stupidity.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Heil! Saw my friend Jared at the weekend. Mentioned you. He said: Is that Adolf who made the home brew? Nothing changes, eh? He remembered from 1975/76. That's a lot of beer ago. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Just occasionally, I get the feeling that commenters just use my posts as a place to have a shout of their own, without reading any of my pearls of wisdom.  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Hope you still come visit my blog Rob! I have grown quite accustom to you and HB. MMIII is also quite interesting. I know what you mean, it has gotten to the point of not being able to do much other than blog!
Shark? I have never had it. Is it really good? The rest of that dish sounds delicious.  

~

Blogger zomba said...

There are no sharks in Lake Malawi, so I won't bother asking Doviko about a recipe. However, his smoked smoked kampango is wonderful, so I'll ask him about that.

A giant snake in the Lake is reputed cause of earthquakes.

MM III  

~

Blogger zomba said...

Mr Robmcj,

What are the road conditions like in the UnHeard of Islands, Mr Robmcj?

Are they as bad as this or this?

MM III  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Mingin! Yon fish fits in with dietary rules for almost any religion i.e don't eat the uglies! Lee Ann: I always visit your blog. Adolf! Heil! The pearls of wisdom are wonderfully received, but what happened to the women in the brownshirts? Samsaramom's link to the cleavages changed my sexual orientation immediately. Brownshirted maidens could change my political views forever. Hope this helps. Hotboy  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Woke up this morning. Can't believe what I saw! 100 million bottles washed up on the UnHeard Island shore.

Comments can make my day. Especially when the commenter has read some of my verbiage.

LA - shark is one of the nicest fish - it doesn't fall apart in the cooking, yet it stays tender and juicy. They say it's also good for the .. you know.

MM - Thanks for the pictures, they're almost as good as your rusting bulldozers. We have few road problems on UnHeard Island, actually there are no roads, and no cars. There's nowhere to go anyway. The money I save on petrol goes towards brewing, and enables me to work just 2 days a week. Poor Lee Ann has to work extra hours to pay for all her car repairs.

I think you're saying the double-smoking improves the kampango. Whereas not smoking is helping Hotboy. Once again, everything balances up in the end.

HB - thanks for both the reminders. I forgot to explore Heather's link at the time. I think I was still overcome by the multiplying mice. I'm a bum man myself, but it is quite an eye opener, there are people there with only two nipples. When it changed your orientation, which way was that?

And I regret the brownshirt scarcity, I have added it to my list of essential computer maintenance, to be done while the outlaws are here.  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Heather - about the cleavage site. Is there an equivalent site for men's wedding tackle? I've got some pictures I'd like to submit. For a friend.  

~

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My site is a bit different than yours, but just as entertaining and educational, I run a average penis size related site pertaining to average penis size related articles.
http://www.mens-health-products.us/average_penis_size.php  

~

Blogger onan the bavarian said...

Wow, that's what I call targetted spam.  

~

Post a Comment

03 October 2005 at 10:36

manly jazz

It's a public holiday here today. Actually, most days in my life are like a public holiday. But today I get to join the toiling masses on their day off, at the Manly Jazz Festival.

It's at a place called Manly, on UnHeard Island. If you are coming, here is a map.



To get your bearings, just remember that the cave-dwelling buddhist hermit lives on Flat Island with the native Flatheids.

Avoid Flat island if you can.


If I get any decent photos, I'll post them here later.

Blogger Hotboy said...

Adolf! Zeig! Flat island doesn't look very big when I open my eyes. I think with global warming, I might be in trouble with it being flat and all. Island Games are being held every year in Orkney or Shetland. We could send a team. I don't know if goosestepping is a recognised sport. Can you do anything else? Hotboy p.s dog walking isn't a sport either!  

~

Blogger zomba said...

I say Hotboy - if its flat, then I assume there must be a good 22 yard strip for a wicket. What's the pitch actually like? Do penguin droppings have any effect on spin?

Or is it named 'Flat' simply because of all the flatheid occupants?

MM III  

~

Blogger Hotboy said...

Mingin! The flatheids on Flat Island spend almost all day playing creekit and drinking beer. Unlike the big girls who normally play this sport, they find it more fun in a force nine. Drunken flatheids in a blow never hit the baw at aw! Hotboy  

~

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow! That is awesome that you get a holiday for a jazz festival. I wish we had that holiday! HB lives on Flat Island?  

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Blogger onan the bavarian said...

HB - we'll invite the games here for next year, that way we get to introduce goosestepping as the new event. As for this year - could you be our entry in the upside-down lotus? Or is there an eyerolling event?

LA - I used to be able to see him through the telescope, but there's been no sign lately. The pile of empties at the cave mouth has been the same size for weeks now. Either he's left or he's deep in the cave.  

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